Do I have a double?

Several neighbors in my senior community approached me inquiring if I was ill at our auction. I said I never went to the auction.


So, it was confirmed by numerous neighbors that I was there and yet, in those two hours, I have absolutely no memory of any of that. It wasn't even on my calendar to go.


I was said to sit off in a corner, very stoic, not responding to clapping or smiling. When several neighbors approached me and said hello, I just stared at them blankly. One neighbor said I appeared to be sleep walking, that was her only explanation.


I can't wrap my head around this event and it scares me to think I really could have been there and have absolutely no memory of this. I was looking for a trauma therapist and almost had the appointment until they heard this story and one therapist changed her mind about me. I don't blame her. So, I am not telling anyone about this. Will have to be careful and edit what I say going forward.


Will be seeing a new therapist next week. I'm sure one of the questions that comes up is do I dissociate. I'm afraid to tell the truth.


Birdie

2012 was our hottest year so far, until this year, i believe. Your location says virginia. Isnt it hotter than hades there? Could you be having mini-strokes? I had one in 2012. I have been very careful ever since not to get overheated. I get a little goofy when i get too hot. Im always a little goofy anyway so its hard to tell the difference. Maybe see a medical dr?

something my treatment providers told me...

getting a diagnosis of DID doesn't change anything other than names what has already been happening all my life time. so to figure out things that happen in my life about DID all I need to do is look at my past.

if I was confused that someone in my adult life was saying I was doing something I don't remember, all I needed to do was look at all those times through out my whole life time that this has already been happening. I grew up this way so it was just my normal way to be, why because DID isn't something that just popped on to me one day. it is something that I already had since before I was 5, just not diagnosed back then.

my suggestion is not to panic., look back on your whole life time's worth of times when people came to you and said you did things you don't remember doing and you may find that this is just normal way that you have always been since the very first trauma in your very early childhood before age 5 that caused you to have alternate personalities.

Hi hummingbird. Love your name!
I'd check out with your regular GP just to make sure it's not physical. Somethings meds combined with well almost anything...heat, stress, diet etc. can cause a weird reaction. Even, in fact, sleepwalking! I learned not to self dx. So you really don't absolutely 100% know you were dissociating. So you don't have to describe it as such to your new therapist. Could be a one off even if it were. May never happen again. Know it's upsetting & scary but unless it becomes a problem or frequent or is a medical issue not something that needs reporting on the first visit. Normally I'm a tell T everything person. Experience taught me that if T doesn't know what's wrong, can't help fix it. Like taking car into mechanic & only telling him 'it's broken'! It can be expensive too, I learned! But I seem to prefer to do things the hard way!! Good luck with your first appointment. Hope it goes well.

Thank you Cavaliers for your very kind response. I have never had that happen before and so far no one has reported seeing this happen to me again. Perhaps talking with my primary about this first to rule out any physical issues or my neurologist. Will be seeing my primary care doc before the neurologist.


There has always been a suspicion that I have had Absonse Seizure episodes, since I have always had abnormal EEG's, but never one lasting that long. And............. in the back of my mind, I live with alot of elderly here and they were the ones that reported this to me, I hope they are not just playing around with me.


However, there was something odd about that auction, as if a veil has dropped over a memory, it's all kinda cloudy. Usually when I dissociate, it's fleeting and I don't remember most of it, but to go on for several hours, is just weird and scary too.


I usually don't talk about dissociation with anyone due to scaring folks. Like to take it slow and let them get to know me first, but only to trained professionals. When I first shared this with my new psych doc, he asked me if I owned a gun. With all the gun violence here, I'm sure that is first on his mind with me now. I walk with a rollator and his nurse prohibits me from taking it into the room with him. Last time I left, I discovered my pack bags had been opened, so someone searched my rollator very well. I think it muddied the water with him too.


I have never injured anyone, never been homicidal nor arrested, nor own a gun. However, when I went to the hospital via the police (after my hotline called them) 4 years ago, I got a copy of the police report on me and it classified me as being a "mental case". I called the police dept and asked if that classification could be taken off and they said it's the only mental classification they can use in my county. Great, just great !!


Birdie

That makes sense. I have Jacksonian March, which doesnt march anymore since i started taking topamax! I think small epilepsies go undiagnosed. Actually my own pdoc SAW me march and ASKED me "whats that?" I was like, shouldnt you be telling me?

Hi unaluna ~ Very interesting and thank you for sharing this with me. So, until you got on Topomax you were experiencing abnormal movements occasionally? Did this stop after Topomax? Have you had an EEG done and did it show you have a seizure disorder? I have never heard of this type of seizure disorder, but just looked it up and it's part of partial simple focal seizure disorder. I have jerking movements only in my arms occasionally.

Birdie

Yes, unaluna ~ Will check with my primary care doctor about this first, now that I am getting encouragement from all of you to do so. Then if the physical pans out, will address it with my neurologist.


It has been very hot here, but not during the time of the auction, that was early Spring when this happened. But good thought !!

Birdie

Hi Birdie-

Yes, i googled and googled until i found a match. It happened all thru childhood and adulthood. I used to call it "my shiver". I didnt really make the connection myself until my topamax was decreased and the shiver returned a couple of times. My mother saw it and said, whats that?! Its funny, it was always exactly the same, and so were peoples reactions.

I havent experienced the shiver now in almost 20 years since ive been on topamax, except for that breakthru time. I have talked to drs about it, but theyre like, if it aint broke, dont break it for the sake of finding out what it is! No sense in risking a seizure.

Hi unaluna ~ Interesting that Topomax is helping control your symptoms, and that is a very good thing. Can you explain "the shiver"? Is it like you are feeling cold and suddenly you shiver for a few moments?

Birdie

I dont feel cold, but the seizure is very like an involuntary shiver from the cold. And the textbook description of the jacksonian march traces its path thru my body quite precisely. Like 5 pops and its done. Same 5 pops every time.

Thank you unaluna for your description of what happens to you. Do you talk about this in the Epilepsy/Seizure section so we can talk more about this, if you choose to, let me know. I know this is off topic for this section.


I'm happy for you that the Topomax is working and has worked for sometime !!

Birdie