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Old 10-09-2019, 02:52 PM   #11
Amyjay
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Default Re: The reason I doubt my diagnosis

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Originally Posted by kbonnieboo View Post
That's what I thought! I'm also reading this one. My therapist likes it.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439213216..._MtINDbS91JAA1
Thank you so much for this link! I am impatient to get into the trauma work with my EMDR therapist so this might help me. I've sent the link to my T so she can let me know if she thinks it will be helpful.
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Old 10-09-2019, 03:04 PM   #12
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Default Re: The reason I doubt my diagnosis

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So I have a DID diagnosis from a LCSW, a Psychiatric NP, a medical doctor and a Psychologist. It is officially on all my records. The main reason I doubt my diagnosis is because I do not have communication. It has been six months since I received my DID diagnosis and 16 years since receiving my DDNOS diagnosis and I have yet to get any communication between my alters and me and they do not communicate between each other. I tried to get in touch with one of my alters Cotia. When I went to therapy yesterday my therapist had playdoh and suggested we play. Someone piped up when they saw the playdoh and said I dont want Cotia to come out. I tried to see who said that but no one let me know. Do I tell my therapist this? Why don't I have communication after 6 months of being aware that people spoke to me in my head. It is making me doubt my diagnosis. Even a diagnosis of any type of Dissociative Disorder whether it be DID, OSDD, etc.
It's so hard. Denial could be said to be built into the very structure of DID, so the fact that you deny and don't believe doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It's annoying as heck, because that doesn't help you know "the truth". You could deny it and it not be real, or you could deny it and that denial be a very real part of true DID.

I know, I know. That doesn't help at all. Trust me - I know!
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Old 10-09-2019, 03:21 PM   #13
Rive1976
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Default Re: The reason I doubt my diagnosis

[QUOTE=Amyjay;6651385]It's so hard. Denial could be said to be built into the very structure of DID, so the fact that you deny and don't believe doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It's annoying as heck, because that doesn't help you know "the truth". You could deny it and it not be real, or you could deny it and that denial be a very real part of true DID.

I know, I know. That doesn't help at all. Trust me - I know![/QUOTE

^^^^^^^Yes! All of this and thatd why I dint know what to do. Do I quit therapy? Keep going to therapy? How do I deal with the fact I can't have absolute proof. I've always been big on that.
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Old 10-09-2019, 09:42 PM   #14
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Default Re: The reason I doubt my diagnosis

[QUOTE=Rive1976;6651393]
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
It's so hard. Denial could be said to be built into the very structure of DID, so the fact that you deny and don't believe doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It's annoying as heck, because that doesn't help you know "the truth". You could deny it and it not be real, or you could deny it and that denial be a very real part of true DID.

I know, I know. That doesn't help at all. Trust me - I know![/QUOTE

^^^^^^^Yes! All of this and thatd why I dint know what to do. Do I quit therapy? Keep going to therapy? How do I deal with the fact I can't have absolute proof. I've always been big on that.
Unfortunately DID denial doesn't stop just because of proof. We have a few alters who can attest to that.
The only way I have found to successfully deal with not knowing is just going with whatever comes up. Radical acceptance of one's own inner experience, whether what is remembered is actual truth or not. All we can really deal with is What Is... meaning whatever we experience in the here and now. There seems to be no point ignoring or denying what you feel and see and hear, because what you feel and see and hear is your only experience of the reality around and within you.
From experience, I have realized that when I accept what I see and feel and hear (including my experience of my alters) then I have power to change things. When I deny and ignore I am powerless.
That is all I've got.
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Old 10-10-2019, 01:16 AM   #15
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Default Re: The reason I doubt my diagnosis

@Rive1976

I hope you are doing okay. I know how hard it is to get a diagnosis of DID and be new at it. Maybe your alters are nervous, and maybe part of you is nervous, too. It takes time. I know you don't want to hear that. But it does. More self-care, patience, and self-acceptance would help the process. Ask your T questions, and continue to be gentle with yourself. In time, when it feels safe, all will be revealed. It takes a while to feel safe, to trust, to acknowledge. Denial is par for the course, but don't let that stop you from just letting your feelings flow and seeking treatment to help you with these feelings, thoughts, doubts, etc. It's okay to doubt and rest in doubt if you can't calm doubt down a bit. It's okay to accept you right where you are at. There's no need to rush. You are right where you need to be. Take it one step at a time, and one feeling at a time. It is okay. You and all parts of you will be okay.
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