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Junior Member
Member Since Oct 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 20
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#1
I have had DID for years now. I integrated. Moved on in my life. Got remarried to my husband (I am gay)...started a fresh. For a time that worked. Then stress and issues came about and my integration came undone. Which makes me wonder...was I ever actually integrated? The issue now is I have been literally looking for work for 3.5 years. I have gotten hired five times and usually by the second or third day an alter quits the job and I am right back where I started at. Unemployed. This is causing so many issues. My husband does not know I have DID I have never told him. I just didn't tell him because I was starting fresh and at the time there were no issues. Now, it would just seem like I ...I don't know what but, it would not be good to tell him now after all this time. PAnyway, I just need to figure out what to do about this. Anyone ever have this happen to them? I usually find out that "I" have resigned because I found a different position I like better...or I did not pass the physical or they decided to change the job from full time to part time (I need full time) things like this.
Any thoughts? Any ideas? Thanks, ReRe |
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Anonymous42119
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#2
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I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of this. You raise a lot of good questions (for multiple different areas) that a mental health professional might be able to help you answer. Nevertheless, I can share some of my experiences with you. Regarding the integration coming undone, I do think it is possible. I sometimes feel as though my integration never stuck, or that I didn't integrate properly (but tried my hardest to follow what the therapist said coupled with pleasing the therapist). The question you raise is one that I'm interested in learning about as well. Meanwhile, we're dealing with some common struggles, so all I can share with you are my experiences, and to let you know that I can relate. You're not alone. Perhaps there is a process that needs to take place to manage triggers - not just for ourselves, but also for our alternate personalities, and then revisited again and again until integration takes place (which is what a therapist from in-patient trauma treatment for dissociative disorders had suggested). If we're too quick to integrate, it may be that our alternate personalities (our dissociative coping styles) took a break, but we didn't really heal completely. Regarding an alter quitting jobs and you losing time and not remembering quitting a job, or you being co-conscious during this process: Perhaps there is something that is triggering about the job, or perhaps there is something triggering about actually going to work and having a new life with your husband. These are all things that only you and a trained therapist could answer together. You know your system best, so you know what your triggers are, or internal communication with your alternate personalities might help you with those answers - but, don't take my word for it, since this would require the help of a mental health professional who is adequately trained with DID and knows what steps you need to take. When you said that you were integrated, it seemed that maybe you may have already had the internal family systems dialogue or some other means for co-consciousness in the past, so that is why I suggested it. Out of curiosity, how did you integrate in the past? What were the treatments you had to integrate? Are you still seeing the same therapist? How long did it take you to integrate after being co-conscious? Can you find a new therapist to see now to help you with DID? Regarding telling your partner: I'm not good at these situations, as I've not had any partners and consider myself asexual now. Nevertheless, I can see you are concerned about disclosing your past and/or possibly present diagnosis with your partner. Some questions to consider speaking with a therapist about, and to ask yourself before seeing a therapist or before approaching your partner: How long have you known your partner? How has your partner reacted to challenging news or situations? Has your partner ever known anyone with a mental illness, and how has he reacted to that if so? How close are you with your partner to discuss heavy topics? Have you discussed other heavy topics in the past with your partner, and if so, how did he react? Do you think your partner is ready to hear this right now, or do you think you can wait to see what is going on with your integration first? Is your partner okay with your losing jobs at the moment? Are you both okay financially, despite your job loss(es)? Do you notice that your partner is frustrated with the financial changes or changes in your employment status? The latter questions regarding the employment changes you've had and the resulting financial changes might be easier to discuss at first with your partner than opening up about DID. But again, a trained therapist might be able to help. Also, couple's therapy might be able to help you open up with your partner about all of these issues, in addition to individual therapy for your DID. What do you think? I'm sorry I cannot be of much help to you, as I'm still in the process of integration or feeling as though I'm integrated mostly, but there are some lingering parts of myself that are constantly co-conscious. I rarely lose time, but when I do, it's short-lived. Whenever something about your mental illness affects your life, work, and/or relationships, that's when therapy is needed. I hope these suggestions help. Meanwhile, know that you're not alone. |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,146
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#3
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job wise my alters didn't quit jobs. they were the kind where they were only out in response to something triggering example if I was triggered on the job, had my dissociation symptoms then the alter that took control would be the one that dealt with that trigger. on the other side of things along with my DID I did have whats called depersonalization / derealization with Fugue specifier. (it wasn't called that when I was diagnosed each of those were not lumped together.) the fugue specifier used to be its own dissociative disorder before America's mental health system changed in 2013. my alters would take control if I saw someone that looked like my abusers, and relocate to somewhere else safely away from my abuser, start a whole new life somewhere else. we solved this problem with my carrying special identification that marked my state ID. DMV marks a persons state ID and license when someone has a major mental or physical health problem that prevents them from driving a vehicle. they have a list of disorders/ diseases and treatment providers must also report certain health issues that affect driving. my point is after my state ID was marked, if it was used anywhere for proof of ID my family and the police would get a call, my family and the police would help me get home again. maybe something similar can be done for you and your jobs. you don't have to tell them that you have a mental illness. but maybe you can say something like after you have the job ask your boss to consider your quitting a flight response to domestic violence or something like that where the boss rechecks with you before putting through the employee quit paperwork. in other words have a checks and balances system set up where you don't lose your job just because you got triggered, switched into an alternate frame of mind and quit. maybe also look at what the trigger is, maybe theres something not quite right about the job that your alter is trying to protect you from. find that trigger and then your next job limit your exposure to that trigger. here is the link to my integration thread, please take care when reading it, it has things like professional terms, how dissociative alters are created, and much more that some find triggering. the thread is marked with a trigger button. read at your own pace and when you start feeling triggered take a break. its not something you have to read or have to read all the way through. its more letting everyone know what my own alters and integration process was like. Integration |
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Anonymous42119
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: Logan
Posts: 1,155
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#4
Cooperation is the key, try to negotiate what is the present and make sure there isn't a stone unturned. What I mean by this, is make sure there isn't layoff talks and other things such as this, that might need to be explain to quell their fears and a need to talk.
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Anonymous42119
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Junior Member
Member Since Oct 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 20
9 |
#5
Thanks, everyone for the advice on this issue. I took a few days to really just sit down and try to listen to everyone. Asking the alters what was going on. I made a list of each of the jobs I had been hired for. I wrote the pros and cons of each one. In the con list, I started to see a pattern. There were several things that had come up for instance: Alters were scared when the job was going to be working with people who were in scary situations - one of the jobs was a caseworker for the department of human services. Another thing was the town the job was in ...my hometown where much of the abuse happened to us when younger. Then finally, the driving distance...they didn't want to be too far from my husband. - even though he doesn't know about them they feel safe with him. So, I started looking for jobs where these would not be an issue. Thursday of this week I have an interview. It would be a position being a teacher for a Head Start program. Class of children of 4 & 5-year-olds. Its about 35 miles from here but, it is a town where the husband and I have gone to just get away at times...favorite resutrant is there and lighthouses too. So, it seem everyone is ok with this. the only issue is if I can physicall do the job lol. But, I figure go and see what happens. I will let you all know how this turns out. Again, thanks for the help.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,146
15 885 hugs
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#6
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#7
prolly too shy and weak got too close to high amnesia barriers of her prolly four or five yr old, so the four and five year old is her stepping on of children sounds like trauma is going to be associated any minute!! seems too weak minded go prey on small children why don't u!! this rere54 sounds like my Philadelphia sponsor that preys on weak systems such as us better wise up!!
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: SpACE
Posts: 597
14 141 hugs
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#8
About to....starting with 2 week leave. Might be done with therapy too. Alter or not.
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#9
Ur psychoic phases are like not what I have seen in years...U gotta quick checking on how happy they are or not! They are the worse when u start to experience a little healing this has to die out or they start getting weird about social security. It might be a hold on tactic that is what they are experiencing....They will make you reap if u miss one reply or subject they enjoy and it might be about quiting and going on social security ….Detailers are just this way they hold on to anything not to be okay thinking u might become like a billy who actually killed somebody because the last piece for intergration this kicking and screaming is something no body should find ever.
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