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JanieDoe
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 11:41 PM
  #1
Hi,
I am new to these forums and I want to say right off the bat that I have not been diagnosed with any dissociative disorder. I do not indent to self-diagnose.

The reason I feel compelled to post here is because for the past handful of years I’ve been dealing with increasing symptoms of dissociation- depersonalization, derealization, the voices in my head, confusion, almost constant nightmares. All of these things I thought were just normal until I realized I have bouts of missing time, so I started researching.

In the past couple of months I have hit such a low in my life, and it’s gotten to the point that I worry I’ll hit rock bottom and won’t be able to climb back up. I know I need to seek therapy, but I feel stuck and terrified to do so. I’ve seen a couple therapists before, but not nearly long enough, or I’m just not open enough because I’m scared I guess.

No one in my life truly knows what is going on with me. It’s taken me some time to even reach out here, I guess I’m here seeking support and any advice you care to offer.

Thanks to anyone that took the time read this.
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Smile Nov 09, 2019 at 07:52 PM
  #2
Hello JanieDoe: I see this is still just your third post here on PC. So I guess there's still time for me to say welcome to Psych Central.

I was struck by your statement: "No one in my life truly knows what is going on with me" because I say that about myself all the time. There's a song by The Weepies that has, for me, become something of a theme song: "Nobody Knows Me at All".

You mentioned you've seen a couple of therapists. I've seen a few therapists for brief periods. But I never kept going long enough for it to have been of any consequence. Finding the right therapist, for you, can sometimes be a challenge. But I think perhaps if you can find one you feel comfortable with, it may make a big difference in your life.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some interest: 1 on dissociative identity disorders, 2 on depersonalization / derealization, & 5 on how to find a good therapist:

In-Depth: Understanding Dissociative Disorders

10 Simple Ways to Relieve Depersonalization

The Matrix Has You: On Dissociation and Feelings of Detachment

How Do You Find a Good Therapist? An Interview with Dr. John Grohol

How to Find a Good Therapist

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...ood-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ques...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways...lk-in-therapy/

I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Nov 09, 2019 at 07:54 PM
  #3
Hi JanieDoe and welcome. I hope you can find the courage to seek a therapist about this and maybe a psychiatrist as well. It sounds very lonely dealing with this on your own, but you have us now.
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Default Nov 09, 2019 at 08:25 PM
  #4
Hi and welcome, JanieDoe

((( safe hugs )))

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Default Nov 10, 2019 at 03:23 AM
  #5
Hello and welcome to the forum.
Everyone has to start somewhere.
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Smile Nov 10, 2019 at 12:00 PM
  #6
Welcome!

Thank you for joining us in the DD forum.

(((safe hugs)))

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Hopefully one of the links from Skeezyks will help!
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JanieDoe
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Default Nov 12, 2019 at 07:10 PM
  #7
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome.

Skeezyks, I really appreciate the time you took to write your post and provide me with some reading material, that has truly been helpful the past few days. It definitely helps to feel less "abnormal" in way.
Also, your Weepies theme song has made it to my playlist. I definitely relate.

In regards to therapy, I'm still honestly a bit terrified. However I have recently gotten my insurance information together, so I now need to look for someone to try, I suppose. Finding the motivation for that, past my fears, is really difficult. The articles you sent on that are helpful in how to choose a therapist that might be right for me. One step at a time I suppose.
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Default Nov 13, 2019 at 01:07 AM
  #8
Finding a good therapist if a great next step. It ight be that the first therapist you see is not the right one for you. It is really important to find someone you feel safe with and feel a strong connection with. That doesn't happen right away. But listen to your instincts.
Do you know if you have a history of trauma? Is so, (and maybe even if you don't know, but suspect) I would strongly recommend looking for someone who specifically mentions treating trauma. Not all therapists are trained in trauma therapy, and it is imperative to have a therapist who has a solid understanding of trauma and its impact on human development when there ischildhood trauma involved.
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JanieDoe
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 04:11 PM
  #9
Hi Amyjay.

I will definitely heed your advise about finding a therapist specializing in trauma. There was something traumatic that happened in early childhood, but as far as I know I had a relatively happy childhood. Sadly, I don't remember very much of it.
A big family secret came out of the woodwork earlier this year, and it really makes me wonder if there are other things that I just don't remember because no one talks about it. I genuinely have no idea why I am the way I am, and it is beyond frustrating.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 04:23 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanieDoe View Post
Hi,
I am new to these forums and I want to say right off the bat that I have not been diagnosed with any dissociative disorder. I do not indent to self-diagnose.

The reason I feel compelled to post here is because for the past handful of years I’ve been dealing with increasing symptoms of dissociation- depersonalization, derealization, the voices in my head, confusion, almost constant nightmares. All of these things I thought were just normal until I realized I have bouts of missing time, so I started researching.

In the past couple of months I have hit such a low in my life, and it’s gotten to the point that I worry I’ll hit rock bottom and won’t be able to climb back up. I know I need to seek therapy, but I feel stuck and terrified to do so. I’ve seen a couple therapists before, but not nearly long enough, or I’m just not open enough because I’m scared I guess.

No one in my life truly knows what is going on with me. It’s taken me some time to even reach out here, I guess I’m here seeking support and any advice you care to offer.

Thanks to anyone that took the time read this.


From: Anna

That was very easy. Goodness.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 04:23 PM
  #11
I'm still here. Lolol.
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Default Dec 11, 2019 at 07:34 AM
  #12
I was in my 40 s before I was diagnosed with DID. I was also terrified to speak with a therapist. For the longest time I said very little in session. But I kept going and over time we began to trust the therapist. I was eventually diagnosed. I would say find a therapist that you think you can trust and go each week to therapy. Say nothing if you like but the more you go the safer you will feel. Eventually someone will step forward and talk with the t. Knowing I was DID helped me to understand what was happening in my head. It took time but we are doing much better now. Good luck.
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