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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn We are one mind
 
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Default Jan 12, 2020 at 06:48 PM
  #1
I really felt like I was on LSD last night. It was because of the 3 glasses of wine that I had. It was like a calm panic attack that lasted 2-3 hours.

I was hearing voices of my moms friend with bipolar cuz she has such a strong personality but it wasn’t like “hearing” voices.. it was like “Being” voices.. Like I WAS her.. And I had a song stuck in my head before it happened.. That’s when I knew something was really wrong..

It was like I was becoming everyone that was at the birthday party I went to.. I needed to DREAM it all out. So I took 0.5mg xanax 3 times and finally went to sleep but my stomach was gurgling and heart pumping I thought I had the norovirus cuz someone went home sick with it at the party but it wasn’t that.

It was a horrible experience. It will probably happen again if I stay up too late. I’m sick of having to sleep 12 hours to avoid this torture. But whatever.. I’m supposed to be tortured.

And my cat starts acting like how she does on my bad trip when I dissociate. My sisters cat doesn’t act like that. It’s a horrible WEIRD thing that happens with my cat. I put her with a feeling of “WTF… WTF IS THIS?”. I think, “OK go to sleep” then I think “What IS sleep?”. ****. When my foot got caught under the covers, I thought that was God. When there was a cat hair stuck to the covers brushing against my face, I thought that was God. When I put a xanax under my tongue and lost it in my mouth, that was God.

It happened when the Vyvanse wore off because I’m more likely to dissociate when I can’t focus.

When it happens, I check my pulse and open my mouth like I’m dead. I had visions of how when I saw a video of a
Possible trigger:
I thought I was having an EGO death and I was going to pass out because of the torture that I was experiencing. My eye’s look upwards to the ceiling and I don’t remember where everything is. Objects in my room become something that I can’t comprehend anymore.

My panic attacks are caused by my bad trip (Ego death from psychedelics) which cause identity depersonalization and derealization (Dissociation), leading to panic attacks from Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD).

I never had a dissociative panic attack since about 8 months ago when I took my last dose of 50mg ketamine (I was using 50mg a week for depression for 4 months. I had no derealization or depersonalization from the previous doses but I had a euphoric dissociation).
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amandalouise
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Default Jan 13, 2020 at 11:10 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
I really felt like I was on LSD last night. It was because of the 3 glasses of wine that I had. It was like a calm panic attack that lasted 2-3 hours.

I was hearing voices of my moms friend with bipolar cuz she has such a strong personality but it wasn’t like “hearing” voices.. it was like “Being” voices.. Like I WAS her.. And I had a song stuck in my head before it happened.. That’s when I knew something was really wrong..

It was like I was becoming everyone that was at the birthday party I went to.. I needed to DREAM it all out. So I took 0.5mg xanax 3 times and finally went to sleep but my stomach was gurgling and heart pumping I thought I had the norovirus cuz someone went home sick with it at the party but it wasn’t that.

It was a horrible experience. It will probably happen again if I stay up too late. I’m sick of having to sleep 12 hours to avoid this torture. But whatever.. I’m supposed to be tortured.

And my cat starts acting like how she does on my bad trip when I dissociate. My sisters cat doesn’t act like that. It’s a horrible WEIRD thing that happens with my cat. I put her with a feeling of “WTF… WTF IS THIS?”. I think, “OK go to sleep” then I think “What IS sleep?”. ****. When my foot got caught under the covers, I thought that was God. When there was a cat hair stuck to the covers brushing against my face, I thought that was God. When I put a xanax under my tongue and lost it in my mouth, that was God.

It happened when the Vyvanse wore off because I’m more likely to dissociate when I can’t focus.

When it happens, I check my pulse and open my mouth like I’m dead. I had visions of how when I saw a video of a
Possible trigger:
I thought I was having an EGO death and I was going to pass out because of the torture that I was experiencing. My eye’s look upwards to the ceiling and I don’t remember where everything is. Objects in my room become something that I can’t comprehend anymore.

My panic attacks are caused by my bad trip (Ego death from psychedelics) which cause identity depersonalization and derealization (Dissociation), leading to panic attacks from Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD).

I never had a dissociative panic attack since about 8 months ago when I took my last dose of 50mg ketamine (I was using 50mg a week for depression for 4 months. I had no derealization or depersonalization from the previous doses but I had a euphoric dissociation).
I cant tell you if this is dissociation in ………...your...…….. body or not, only your own doctors can say that...

what I can say is that if you google dissociation, and various dissociative disorders you will find the diagnostic criteria that is what treatment providers go by for diagnosing dissociation disorders. you may notice that one of the diagnostics is that the problems can not be because of things like seizures and drugs and alcohol and any other mental disorder or other physical health disorder.

that said some locations have added new mental disorders including a special kind of dissociation disorder that has seizures. to find out if you have this problem you will need to contact your treatment providers so that they can get you scheduled for some tests that will tell you if you have this special kind of seizures. this disorder labeling is relatively new so you wont find much on the internet about it nor the key factor that makes it different from other seizure disorders, but it is worth checking out.

what else I can tell you is that when you google mental disorders you may find information that fits what you are describing but may in fact be misleading you in the wrong direction. for example in a disorder that I used to have DID the new diagnostics include the term possession. this does not mean hearing other peoples thoughts or mind reading or ether people projecting their thoughts into my head and it does not mean that I had ghosts and spirits jumping into my body. possession is a cultural term for example my native American culture uses this term to mean ownership. like how if someone was carrying drugs or alcohol a police officer would say that person is in possession of drugs and alcohol. In DID / dissociative disorders the term possession means that there is a list of various cultures/ races that use that term to show ownership and their sense of agency.

my treatment providers call it psychosis not dissociation when I am feeling like others are projecting their thoughts and emotions on me, and when I am having the things you posted about.

now for your question what does dissociation feel like, it feels like what ever dissociative symptom a person is having. for example one of my dissociation symptoms is feeling numb. that's how it feels numb. what ever dissociation symptom you are having that's how you are feeling.

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers. they will help you to understand what your problems are called and how to best treat them.
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Universal System
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Default Jan 13, 2020 at 01:05 PM
  #3
I don't know what it's like to have a panic attack WITHOUT dissociating.

I'm not sure if the way panic attacks are shown in media are exaggerated like everything else in the media or if it's because I'm also dissociating whenever it happens to me that it's not as noticeable as it would be on a singular individual. It feels like how it's portrayed in the media but I don't think it LOOKS like that since it's always very obvious when this is happening to a character in a TV show or movie but it's not obvious when that's mostly happening inside my own head.

There are also times when this happening when I try to scream for help but I can't, it's like I'm not even in my own body anymore, I'm thinking it but my body isn't responding to those commands. There's also times when I can feel a different alter having a panic attack while I'm the one fronting. I don't have any memories of what caused it, I don't know what's happening with them, I can just hear the other alter freaking out in my head and kinda feel the flood of emotions spilling over but there's still that memory wall preventing me from really understanding what's going on.

Being on both sides at different times I'm pretty sure when I'm the one panicking and feeling like I'm not really in my body it's likely a different alter up front likely hearing me screaming in his head but not knowing why I'm doing it. Not really being able to do anything about it either except try to go about life as normal until it passes.
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Desoxyn
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 09:08 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
I cant tell you if this is dissociation in ………...your...…….. body or not, only your own doctors can say that...

what I can say is that if you google dissociation, and various dissociative disorders you will find the diagnostic criteria that is what treatment providers go by for diagnosing dissociation disorders. you may notice that one of the diagnostics is that the problems can not be because of things like seizures and drugs and alcohol and any other mental disorder or other physical health disorder.

that said some locations have added new mental disorders including a special kind of dissociation disorder that has seizures. to find out if you have this problem you will need to contact your treatment providers so that they can get you scheduled for some tests that will tell you if you have this special kind of seizures. this disorder labeling is relatively new so you wont find much on the internet about it nor the key factor that makes it different from other seizure disorders, but it is worth checking out.

what else I can tell you is that when you google mental disorders you may find information that fits what you are describing but may in fact be misleading you in the wrong direction. for example in a disorder that I used to have DID the new diagnostics include the term possession. this does not mean hearing other peoples thoughts or mind reading or ether people projecting their thoughts into my head and it does not mean that I had ghosts and spirits jumping into my body. possession is a cultural term for example my native American culture uses this term to mean ownership. like how if someone was carrying drugs or alcohol a police officer would say that person is in possession of drugs and alcohol. In DID / dissociative disorders the term possession means that there is a list of various cultures/ races that use that term to show ownership and their sense of agency.

my treatment providers call it psychosis not dissociation when I am feeling like others are projecting their thoughts and emotions on me, and when I am having the things you posted about.

now for your question what does dissociation feel like, it feels like what ever dissociative symptom a person is having. for example one of my dissociation symptoms is feeling numb. that's how it feels numb. what ever dissociation symptom you are having that's how you are feeling.

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers. they will help you to understand what your problems are called and how to best treat them.
I'm not really concerned about labels. I don't have DID. I just know it's from the psychedelics and it's happening again and I want this to go away. I haven't had seizures since I was a baby (Absence seizures) and the only time I had seizures since then was this morning while in sleep paralysis every time I moved my eyes up. So idk.
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