advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
WishToHelp
New Member
WishToHelp has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: Beaufort, NC
Posts: 2
3 yr Member
Question Jan 15, 2020 at 03:59 PM
  #1
My fiance' was recently diagnosed with DID and I need to know how to react when he dissociates and goes into one of his evil alters.
He has always been an extremely kind and loving individual but occasionally a truly mean alter will come through to insult me. I definitely know this is NOT my fiance' just by looking into his eyes.
I just need to know how to respond to alters that are mean and disrespectful.
WishToHelp is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 15, 2020 at 09:04 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishToHelp View Post
My fiance' was recently diagnosed with DID and I need to know how to react when he dissociates and goes into one of his evil alters.
He has always been an extremely kind and loving individual but occasionally a truly mean alter will come through to insult me. I definitely know this is NOT my fiance' just by looking into his eyes.
I just need to know how to respond to alters that are mean and disrespectful.
question how did you react to him before he was diagnosed. how did you react to him when you were dating, how did you react to him when you first met...

reason I asked those questions is to point out to you nothing has changed. DID is not a cold or flu that suddenly like a virus or bacteria appears one day.

DID is a life long mental disorder that begins before a person is 5 years old. getting the diagnosis just puts a name on whats been happening all that persons life.

just because he didn't get diagnosed til now doesn't mean he wasn't DID. so for example your first date this guy was probably dissociating when you did not know it, when you and he were together watching tv or a movie or doing an activity he was already dissociating, when you were eating together doing the getting busy and so forth you were already experiencing his dissociating.

the only difference now is that you have a disorder name that explains how he has been all his life time.

my suggestion you have two options …

you can accept that he is a dissociative and continue to treat him as your friend and go on like you always have

or you can do what many people do start needlessly worry and reacting differently to him which 9 times out of ten ends up slowly crashing the relationship because the two of you will constantly be on edge trying to second guess and so forth.

getting a diagnosis doesn't change anything other than puts a name on how a person has always been in every aspect of their lifes.

what will change is with treatment he wont be dissociating because he will be learning how to stay grounded in this present moment rather than dissociating every time he gets triggered.

for your self you can enter therapy to learn how you can handle in your mind the fact that from very early childhood his way of handling things that trigger and upset him is by dissociating.

you can use google and your local library to learn about DID (Im sorry we cant provide you with websites. Psych central does have tabs at the top of the page you can click on to help you learn about DID.)

you can also ask to be part of his therapy sessions where he will be working with a therapist or psychiatrist to learn how to not dissociate. to face his problems head on instead of mentally running away from his problems and triggers.

Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 15, 2020 at 11:12 PM.. Reason: Remove sentence about guidelines.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
vultureculture
Account Suspended
vultureculture has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
3 yr Member
Default Jan 16, 2020 at 11:03 AM
  #3
Its worse when they become manipulative, so let them be evil. Go into one of movies Shawshank Redemption treat it like prison time when it isn't to the prison folks like in the movie their time together you have to understand the inner world to know what actually is the issue here. Encourage thrill seeking behavior it is not that hard. Don't let anybody tell you how to relate it is it legal do so, if it isn't if you don't get caught then it is fine to do....
vultureculture is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
WishToHelp
New Member
WishToHelp has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: Beaufort, NC
Posts: 2
3 yr Member
Default Jan 16, 2020 at 11:24 AM
  #4
Thanks so much for the information, much of it confirmed my thoughts.
Several months ago he had another major life crisis and has gotten much worse since then, Before I thought he just had major mood swings, now he actually goes into "fits" where his personality completely changes and lasts much longer.
He starts his psychotherapy next month and I do plan on going with him.

Thanks so very much for the support.
WishToHelp is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise
MtnTime2896
Chat Moderator
 
MtnTime2896's Avatar
MtnTime2896 is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,270
8 yr Member
10k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:31 AM
  #5
Why is he angry, what makes him treat you like that? This particular alter's likely acting out from a very injured place. As much as I hate being "sensitive", I was never evil. I had a purpose, still do. A job to fight off any threat to my system. For me, that job is the most important, before having a laugh with someone. I need to trust, I don't trust. It took something special and a lot of therapy. Our girlfriend never treated me badly, but wouldn't allow me to treat her any other way than respectfully, which in turn my respect became admiration for her.

My host is sweet, wouldn't hurt a fly and, that's why I had to do it. Using the term "evil" isn't going to cure this alter's anger which likely stems from something deep. If you want to help, you'll offer respect and a firm foot in the *** when he can't understand that you deserve the same respect. I doubt the alter will change right away, but give him time. You love your fiancee, so try to understand and appreciate each part of him, I guess is my advice. Who knows, the alter might turn as soft as jello, as I did.

Best of luck.

-Trev

__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity."
MtnTime2896 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 23, 2020 at 09:19 PM
  #6
I'm wishing you luck. Sending respect and kind thoughts

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:56 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.