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Claritytoo
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 02:44 PM
  #1
About a year ago I was told I was going to die at age 68. I am 62 at present. This was before I was diagnosed with cancer 7 months ago. After treatment I am doing well. I will need to take meds for the rest of my life. My Dr talks about me living 20 years. I haven't told what I know. I want to deny the voice that told me but she has been right all my life. Part of me is ok with it but sometimes I am so sad that I am not able to do the things I used to. I can't plan beyond 6 years and the reality of that is sometimes crushing. We all go at some point but for it to be so measured changes my thoughts of possibilities. It causes me to think on a smaller more manageable scale. This is new for me. When I didn't know when I was going to die I had for ever. It's difficult. Many of my friends have passed so I know I will not be alone. But I don't feel like I am done living yet. I still feel like I have more to do.
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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 03:06 PM
  #2
Hi there.

Do you have DID? Was it one of your insiders that told you age 68?

I can understand why you would believe it to be true if they've always been right.But,that doesn't mean it is actually accurate.

I'm sure it all does bring up many different issues for you though.

Good news that you're doing well after treatment.
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:41 AM
  #3
I'm on meds the rest of my life since I was dx with cancer. It's been 5 years so far, a lot can happen in that time. Make the most of what you got and just absorb it. Best of luck.

-Trev

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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Betty_Banana View Post
Hi there.

Do you have DID? Was it one of your insiders that told you age 68?

I can understand why you would believe it to be true if they've always been right.But,that doesn't mean it is actually accurate.

I'm sure it all does bring up many different issues for you though.

Good news that you're doing well after treatment.

Yes I have DID. I found out when I was in my 40's. The voice is someone who has been with me all my life. She told me that I was pregnant three days after I conceived. I have another voice in my head who is male who has not been with me as long as her and he told me that my unborn child was a boy. That was in my third month. I have always believed if I asked I would be told when I would die. I didn't ask. I woke up one morning a few years ago and I was abruptly told I would live to age 68, I tried to dismiss it but than others of us told me it was so. In May of 2019 I was told I had a blood cancer and could die. What helped me to push on was having been told I would have until I was 68, I am 62. So I decided to live until then. I have asked if there is a possibility I will live longer but we have been told no. I am realizing I need to get back into therapy to help with my anxiety. It has been a stressful 9 months and I have had two small panic attacks in the last two months. Don"t want that to start up again. I do want to thank you for the good wishes and for responding to my post. It does help me to feel less isolated. Take care.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 05:15 PM
  #5
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I'm on meds the rest of my life since I was dx with cancer. It's been 5 years so far, a lot can happen in that time. Make the most of what you got and just absorb it. Best of luck.

-Trev

Thank you for the thoughtful wishes. I have been told by my doc that I will be taking maintenance meds for the rest of my life. I don't mind. I am trying to get help with my anxiety and panic so that I live a happier less stressful life over the next several years. Thanks for responding to my post. Best wishes.
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Default Feb 04, 2020 at 02:00 AM
  #6
I went into the city to have my stem cells harvested. It was a nasty business but I am done and back home. I am not going to have the stem cell transplant unless the cancer comes back. My cancer count is at 0.1 presently. It gives me about 4 to 5 years they say. Interesting the timing. It caused me to wonder if I die at 68 because I didn't do the transplant. I don't know. Maybe with the transplant I could live into my 70's. I don't know.

I actually started this message to ask if anyone has experienced a similar experience. It has happened twice to me. Both times I felt like I was outside the world looking in. Not that I could see myself but like I was stuck between what I feel is reality and what I think is reality. It causes me to feel empty and alone even if I am around people I love. There is great fear but no reason for it except the experience I am having. I stayed in this experience on and off for 4 days. I came out of it while eating breakfast with my city and later while walking in Central Park.She accompanied me for support for the three days.We also took a carriage ride, It was fun. Oddly the carriage driver asked if the ride was a part of my bucket list. Any way, When I got back to my sisters home I fell into that oppressive mind set.I was again stuck between what I felt was my reality and what I thought was reality. I had another panic attack. I had had one in the city in the night. This attack was again at night. I took zoloft and I think it helped me sleep. I am not supposed to take zoloft because I had to self detox from it three years ago. I am in the process of finding a psy and changing to prozac. I was feeling better by sunday late day and monday I was fine. Has anyone experienced anything similar. If so and you wish to share please let me know
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Default Feb 04, 2020 at 06:54 AM
  #7
I'm so sorry. That's an awful lot for you to deal with.
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Default Feb 04, 2020 at 09:19 AM
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everyone has something. Thanks for the thought
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Default Feb 04, 2020 at 09:24 AM
  #9
Is there a strong reason you're holding off on the stem cell therapy, if you don't mind me asking?
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 05:40 PM
  #10
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Is there a strong reason you're holding off on the stem cell therapy, if you don't mind me asking?

In order to have a stem cell transplant they have to give me a massive dose of chemo to kill off possible remaining cancer cells. This chemo would destroy our immune system. It would do other damage to our body before us being able to get on with our life. The process takes about a year. We discussed and nobody wanted to go through it. Also I have issues with how aggressive the treatment is and how harsh it is on our body. If I only have until I am 68 I don't want to spend it in pain, depressed and bed ridden. Maybe I have more time. Maybe not. If the cancer comes back aggressively within the next 5 years I may consider stem cell transplant again. But it has to feel right for all of us
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 06:56 PM
  #11
Thanks for explaining, Clarity. My heart goes out to you all.
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 08:33 PM
  #12
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Thanks for explaining, Clarity. My heart goes out to you all.

Thanks for your caring thought.
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