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Old 07-09-2020, 03:09 PM   #31
childofchaos831
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

We talked to our pdoc about getting the official DID diagnosis on our chart again. It was there years ago and just got lost over the years. Our T has it as our primary diagnosis, but it's not there with our pdoc... We just want it there on both. It feels more affirming.
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Old 07-22-2020, 09:14 PM   #32
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I had a difficult time finding this forum and I almost had a panic attack. I talked to my dr and told her I am having a ton of anxiety and depression. She said my meds are correct and I should be ok. WTF.
I was recently diagnosed with cancer. I went through treatment and am now on meds for the rest of my life. I hope the cancer don't come back. One of the voices told me I will die at age 68. I am presently 63, oddly enough knowing I had until I am 68 gave me hope during my fight against cancer. Knowing when I will die is strange. It's not like life is guaranteed. We can go at anytime but it causes me to value my time. It has also affected the choices I am making. Such as getting a dog. I don't want to get a dog that will be left behind when I die. So I have been looking to adopt a senior dog. I also have stopped looking for a place to buy. Such as a condo, coop, mobile home. Its not worth the trouble of purchase if I only have 5 years. Right now I am living in a small studio apartment near the water and feel safe. So I think I will be here awhile. I intend on getting life insurance for my funeral and my family. I also need to get a health care proxy just in case. As far as the rest of us we have become very quite. Except the other day, we were driving and I realized that the one driving wasn't that good at it. They are younger. I told them to pay attention and stop fooling around. Finally I ask us if the one who drives could take the wheel and get us where we need to be. She did. But I can't understand why she wasn't driving in the beginning. Why she let someone else drive. It was like all of a sudden driving wasn't an important thing. It is. I hope she is ok with my thoughts. Well I could continue all night but Ill stop here. It feels good to be able to come somewhere and just talk about us.
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Old 07-23-2020, 09:56 AM   #33
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo View Post
I had a difficult time finding this forum and I almost had a panic attack. I talked to my dr and told her I am having a ton of anxiety and depression. She said my meds are correct and I should be ok. WTF.
I was recently diagnosed with cancer. I went through treatment and am now on meds for the rest of my life. I hope the cancer don't come back. One of the voices told me I will die at age 68. I am presently 63, oddly enough knowing I had until I am 68 gave me hope during my fight against cancer. Knowing when I will die is strange. It's not like life is guaranteed. We can go at anytime but it causes me to value my time. It has also affected the choices I am making. Such as getting a dog. I don't want to get a dog that will be left behind when I die. So I have been looking to adopt a senior dog. I also have stopped looking for a place to buy. Such as a condo, coop, mobile home. Its not worth the trouble of purchase if I only have 5 years. Right now I am living in a small studio apartment near the water and feel safe. So I think I will be here awhile. I intend on getting life insurance for my funeral and my family. I also need to get a health care proxy just in case. As far as the rest of us we have become very quite. Except the other day, we were driving and I realized that the one driving wasn't that good at it. They are younger. I told them to pay attention and stop fooling around. Finally I ask us if the one who drives could take the wheel and get us where we need to be. She did. But I can't understand why she wasn't driving in the beginning. Why she let someone else drive. It was like all of a sudden driving wasn't an important thing. It is. I hope she is ok with my thoughts. Well I could continue all night but Ill stop here. It feels good to be able to come somewhere and just talk about us.
great to see you posting again and congrats on your cancer progress, my alters stopped doing their jobs when they knew that I the aware self was capable and able to do those things on my own and they were on the road to natural integration.

maybe you can check with your alters to see if that was the case... the driver knew you were actually capable and able to drive so was stepping down from doing so automatically. maybe your healing process has advanced to your alters starting to integrate by waiting for you to learn that you can drive the vehicle with out their doing it for you.

another suggestion maybe its time for you to do a refresher course on how to drive. have a friend act as driving instructor. or take a driving class.
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Old 07-23-2020, 05:58 PM   #34
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo View Post
I had a difficult time finding this forum and I almost had a panic attack. I talked to my dr and told her I am having a ton of anxiety and depression. She said my meds are correct and I should be ok. WTF.
I was recently diagnosed with cancer. I went through treatment and am now on meds for the rest of my life. I hope the cancer don't come back. One of the voices told me I will die at age 68. I am presently 63, oddly enough knowing I had until I am 68 gave me hope during my fight against cancer. Knowing when I will die is strange. It's not like life is guaranteed. We can go at anytime but it causes me to value my time. It has also affected the choices I am making. Such as getting a dog. I don't want to get a dog that will be left behind when I die. So I have been looking to adopt a senior dog. I also have stopped looking for a place to buy. Such as a condo, coop, mobile home. Its not worth the trouble of purchase if I only have 5 years. Right now I am living in a small studio apartment near the water and feel safe. So I think I will be here awhile. I intend on getting life insurance for my funeral and my family. I also need to get a health care proxy just in case. As far as the rest of us we have become very quite. Except the other day, we were driving and I realized that the one driving wasn't that good at it. They are younger. I told them to pay attention and stop fooling around. Finally I ask us if the one who drives could take the wheel and get us where we need to be. She did. But I can't understand why she wasn't driving in the beginning. Why she let someone else drive. It was like all of a sudden driving wasn't an important thing. It is. I hope she is ok with my thoughts. Well I could continue all night but Ill stop here. It feels good to be able to come somewhere and just talk about us.

Welcome! Is the doctor you talked to a psychiatrist?

I want to mention that no one knows for sure when you (or anyone) will die. I was told I would die at 17; we planned for that. Well, I'm 57. Remember that there's a tremendous amount of fear that is intertwined in our systems, and that includes fear of dying.

Btw, it's wonderful that you're adopting a senior dog!

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Old 07-29-2020, 10:43 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
great to see you posting again and congrats on your cancer progress, my alters stopped doing their jobs when they knew that I the aware self was capable and able to do those things on my own and they were on the road to natural integration.

maybe you can check with your alters to see if that was the case... the driver knew you were actually capable and able to drive so was stepping down from doing so automatically. maybe your healing process has advanced to your alters starting to integrate by waiting for you to learn that you can drive the vehicle with out their doing it for you.

another suggestion maybe its time for you to do a refresher course on how to drive. have a friend act as driving instructor. or take a driving class.
Thanks for the encouragement. I think some of us don't see the point of doing anything if we are going to die in 5 years. All our life we have been conscious of the fact that at some point our body dies and we go home. Be that realization was always far away. Now it is in front of us. It's an odd reality. I think some of the apathy is due to depression. Like why get up in the morning. But some of us are the ones who just say push on. Lets get going. Lets enjoy the time we have. That thinking helped us when we were young. And it is helping us now. It does feel like some of us have come inside. Actually it feels like many of us have come inside. Like moved inside. But it seems more like we are preparing for when we have to go. I have two good drivers. One younger in her 20's and the other older like 40's. There are others who will occasionally drive but it should not be in heavy traffic. They don't focus enough. If someone didn't drive I am not certain who would drive. I might drive. I don't know. I will think about what you have said. I am not sure who I would be without everyone. It's unfamiliar. Good to talk, I hope all is well with you.
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Old 08-01-2020, 04:09 PM   #36
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Dealing with depersonalization every night before I go to bed (From psychedelic overdoses 4 years ago).

When the zopiclone and olanzepine kicks in, it goes away and I fall asleep.

Rarely it turns into derealization anymore. Every time I get derealization, I get an extremely severe panic attack that feels like I've run a marathon.

Exercise is helping.
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Old 08-02-2020, 09:04 PM   #37
Claritytoo
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


Welcome! Is the doctor you talked to a psychiatrist?

I want to mention that no one knows for sure when you (or anyone) will die. I was told I would die at 17; we planned for that. Well, I'm 57. Remember that there's a tremendous amount of fear that is intertwined in our systems, and that includes fear of dying.

Btw, it's wonderful that you're adopting a senior dog!


The voice I heard is a voice that I have heard in the past. She has been right about everything she has told me. I wouldn't ask about when I was going to die. So she told me one morning. This voice is not in my head it is from outside my head. She is someone who looks out for us. 40 years I asked about the death of someone I knew. I didn't expect an answer. She said 72. My friend died in 2018 at age 72, I hadn't remembered that I had asked that question until I heard of my friends death. I can't look past what she has told me.
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Old 08-05-2020, 02:12 PM   #38
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very hard day today.

panic attack, fibro pain, anger at my team, but also some calm moments too

started watching a tv drama I really wanted to start watching so that was nice.
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Old 08-06-2020, 08:57 AM   #39
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supermarket let me down again for the second week running

need to fix this

otherwise okay
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Old 08-08-2020, 05:17 AM   #40
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despite my night, I'm feeling pretty good.

I spent the entire night having flashbacks, really intense flashbacks, too

this morning I even doubted my own safety as it was so intense.

but I had breakfast and I've done my self-care for today, so things are running normally

just uggg. last night was bad though. the worst it's been in a while
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