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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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#122
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Alatea, Amyjay, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Guest
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#123
currently feeling confused.
so a friend of mine (who I knew from church before covid), has decided that she's going to move away from the area, not far, but she wants a new start. she's told me not to worry, she'll still be their for me, and come visit me often her close friend informed me yesterday that she's lying, and actually she's moving back to her home country since she's missing it either way I feel depressed about it, plus: I don't really know what to believe at the moment. I would hope that my friend isn't moving back (since I'll never get to see her), but.... hmm. causing me a lot of mixed emotions |
Alatea, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
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#124
Feel like I'm in the twilight zone here at the long term airbnb where I'm living. Other two tenants are caughing like they're going to die. The guy in the room next here sounds like a demon is dying. He talks to himself, often in different voices. I'm the one who supposed to have DID. Another her as well? The caretaker is out right psychotic. I have way too many of my own problems for all of this.
On the bright side my DID therapy is starting to get better. Three of a zillion alters fronted for the therapist. They're afraid, but they did front. I asked therapist what S. said because I have no clue. Therapist said I don't need to know! |
Alatea, Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
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#125
Dear @stahrgeyzer, you are not alone. We look for the right place to be, & sometimes we find others who are worse off than we are. I remember you. You have very special qualities! Please don't let those others
whom you live with right now hurt your beautiful journey that means a lot to you! God bless you dear stahrgeyzer! |
Alatea, stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
given |
#126
Woke up in a panic yesterday because it's getting close to when my airbnb rental agreement expires, Dec. 22, & I'm running out of money. I've been looking forward to it expiring so it would force me to go to the forest & end, but the System does Not want that. A lot of them decided to co-front when I woke up. They put out a call to everyone & all the subsystems to think of the best way to quickly make money. To my amazement they came up with the greatest perfect idea within an hour. The brain is amazing! Each human has the ability to have hundreds of people/alters thinking hard at the same time!
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#127
I am missing an entire day from dissociation.
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stahrgeyzer
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#128
our drinking bottle has a little broken bit at the top
so now all the water spills out of the bottle and we don't like it because we call it our baby bottle even though it's not really a baby bottle. |
Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
given |
#129
Woke up this morning with that feeling I always hate so much of not knowing who I am, what direction to go, what I'm feeling. It's like being a dozen different people each who are having intense emotions so unique that it fills the entire spectrum.
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Breaking Dawn
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
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#130
I just had my therapy session. Finally did the dissociation test. Feeling scared that im going to be to much or not help because I dissociate allot in my life and it effects everything i do. I feel overwhelmed
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Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
given |
#131
I kinda felt bad that maybe a persecutor did something to make two airbnb tenants move out today. But they're telling me they don't know of anyone in our system who did it. It's quiet here now.
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Breaking Dawn
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#132
I wish I could go back to baths (but I can't fit in the tub)
showered today and everything hurts from my back to my toes owies.. |
Alatea, Amyjay, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
given |
#133
Hard day today. I'm feeling our isolation (I can ignore it most of the time) and hopelessness. The system has been very triggered lately and we were stuck on a switching merry-go-round this morning but then found a way out of it by sleeping the day away. Now... what? There is time (that I don't want) and I don't know how to fill it. I am frozen.
Living with a traumafied brain just sucks. |
Alatea, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#134
Quote:
((((hugs))) not knowing how to fill time is always hard litirally all I have to do today is do my quiz but guess what? not even mid day and it's done hope you find something |
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Alatea, Breaking Dawn
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Amyjay
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
given |
#136
Feeling so-so, usual morning switching headaches but no real complaints. In DID therapy last night a lot of alters wanted to talk to therapist because they want help but it didn't happen. Maybe next time.
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Alatea, Amyjay, Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,331
6 5,648 hugs
given |
#137
Ups and downs. Some of the littles fronting today who hold so much trauma. Just crying. As the host I thought I had a lot of trauma but it's nothing compared to many in my system. It's not there fault. They're doing a good job!
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Alatea, Amyjay, Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#138
I'm doing the best I can.
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Alatea, Amyjay, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
given |
#139
I really don't want to see my T tomorrow. I am feeling very over it. I want to cancel and just live my life as a "normal" person!
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Alatea, Anonymous32451, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#140
My voices are arguing loudly, yelling at each other. I feel so sad. My heart is crying.
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Alatea, Anonymous32451, stahrgeyzer
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