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Rive1976
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Default Jul 02, 2020 at 07:43 AM
  #1
My thoughts in my head all have my voice. They don't sound like different people. Just they aren't my thoughts. It sounds like I'm talking to myself things will pop in my head like Go away, Stop getting near me. I told you to go away, Stop bothering me etc.
I dont see anyone and like I just it just sounds like me thinking. Only I didnt choose to think them. Does anyone else have this experience?
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Default Jul 15, 2020 at 06:15 AM
  #2
Pretty much, yeah.

I'm assuming everyone has their specific experience with this, and certainly how pronounced it is. For me, it's only ever one part/alter that takes over a 'real' voice; the part that 'protects' all the rest. I know it sounds weird, but just go with it Usually, that voice is angry / scared / aggressive towards things that it perceives to be a threat, incl for example, my therapist. When you wrote "Go away, Stop getting near me. I told you to go away, Stop bothering me etc...", that's exactly the kind of stuff that part says. It's helped me a lot to recognize why that part is saying those things, then I can think through the real-life situation. E.g., is my therapist really about to abandon me?

Good job for letting those parts have a say! My guess is that they have a ton of important things to share.

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Trig Jul 15, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive1976 View Post
My thoughts in my head all have my voice. They don't sound like different people. Just they aren't my thoughts. It sounds like I'm talking to myself things will pop in my head like Go away, Stop getting near me. I told you to go away, Stop bothering me etc.
I dont see anyone and like I just it just sounds like me thinking. Only I didnt choose to think them. Does anyone else have this experience?

Oh yeah. Big time. I am so sorry you are going through the emotional and mental anguish dissociation brings.

Before I knew what DID was, I also heard what you described. And it made me feel to powerless. One day I left work in a shattered mood. I was upset with myself over the situations going on at the office. The angry voices in my head started up. One of them was criticizing me and telling me what a looser I was. Then a different "voice" (both sounding like me - but having their own personality and way of saying things) talked back to the angry voice and was telling it to shut up and leave me alone.


The next thing I know I was looking at myself from above my head like in an out of body experience, except I was still attached to the body (almost like sitting on my own head). Suddenly, I was watching an all out fist fight! My body was literally hitting itself in the head, stomach, and grabbing my arm. I had pulled over (thankfully) and was just watching this happen. I had NO control over what was going on. And it scared the living heck out of me.

That was the day I decided to ask for help. Therapy gave me understanding as to how this happened. It helped me realize that it was a survival mechanism that my brain used when I was a very young child. I could not handle the emotional pain that others were putting onto me, so my brain created alternate persons who could "hold" the emotions and memories for the rest of the brain. That kept the rest of the brain safe and free to continue growing.


All of this happens on the subconscious level in childhood (which is when true DID can be created).

"But dissociative identity disorder seems to develop only as a result of childhood trauma. Often the symptoms of a dissociative disorder do not become apparent until adulthood, but it is generally felt that trauma which occurs solely in adulthood will not result in a dissociative disorder."

What causes dissociative identity disorder? | PODS

Due to the very nature of DID and how it is created, what you are experiencing is to be expected. It is very disconcerting. However, this can signal that it may be time to begin healing.


Healing is not easy. And it has a goal that will be personal to you. Some people want to fully integrate and have the voices just stop. Others (like me) want to understand those "people" on the inside. After all, they are US.

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Default Jul 17, 2020 at 08:02 PM
  #4
I'm just so confused. Here is my back story. I started at 14 to feel mean emotions that seemed foreign from mine. It didn't really seem like a totally different person. Like with mannerisms or things. I mentioned to a DID specialist and she said I had DDNOS. This was prior to 2013. I was also seeing another therapist she said I didnt. I believed her and left the DID specialist. Fast forward to about 3 years ago. I started having weird thoughts pop in my head, arguing etc. My new therapist thought I had DID. I had her talk with the original doctor that diagnosed me DDNOS and I started seeing them both. My DID therapist just kept pushing me saying talk with them, do this and do that. I tried to tell her they wouldn't conversate when I asked them to. She insisted they would. She insisted I had DID and now my other therapist was convinced as well. Fed up with her insisting I could speak to them and they spoke back etc. I left. I stayed with the non DID therapist. Now she isn't convinced I have DID. She says she thinks I have dissociative tendencies though. She said she thinks the "voices" (which aren't voices but thoughts I just dont think up on my own) are something I created as a way to escape hard emotions created from a rough childhood. They started when I was 41 though. Anyway, she says to ignore the thoughts. Thats helped just I dont know if I should be doing that. The thoughts are dying down. I dont want to ignore them if they are alters but they don't talk back so maybe they arent alters. Also, if they were alters their thoughts wouldn't have died down by ignoring them, right?
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