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RavenGirl1990
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Trig Nov 01, 2020 at 09:09 AM
  #1
Hello,

I am not sure how to begin this. I recently moved from my hometown and took a new job elsewhere. Well, I have a past diagnosis of major depression, anxiety, and dissociative disorder.

And I have been thinking of getting back into therapy. But I am wary about it, I have a hard time trusting people, I didn’t trust my last therapist much.
Anyway
Possible trigger:


Well, that went away, but I have other things going on I can’t really explain to people. Like I have these moments where, I can’t remember anything of my past, and I go blank. And like, how did I get here moments I get at times, like I don’t know how I got here or where am I.
I have trouble knowing the difference between feelings and thoughts.
I have had this happen a few weeks ago. I was in the kitchen cooking and
Possible trigger:
And that literally freaked me out and I didn’t know what to think. And I really know feel like myself like, I go from crying to no reason, to angry, and then laughing in an hour. It is not everyday though. Anyone insight or recommendations would be appreciated. I am wanting to get back into therapy just working up the courage to do it.

Last edited by CANDC; Nov 01, 2020 at 06:20 PM.. Reason: Remove methods of ending life
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amandalouise
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Default Nov 01, 2020 at 12:34 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by RavenGirl1990 View Post
Hello,

I am not sure how to begin this. I recently moved from my hometown and took a new job elsewhere. Well, I have a past diagnosis of major depression, anxiety, and dissociative disorder.

And I have been thinking of getting back into therapy. But I am wary about it, I have a hard time trusting people, I didn’t trust my last therapist much.
Anyway
Possible trigger:


Well, that went away, but I have other things going on I can’t really explain to people. Like I have these moments where, I can’t remember anything of my past, and I go blank. And like, how did I get here moments I get at times, like I don’t know how I got here or where am I.
I have trouble knowing the difference between feelings and thoughts.
I have had this happen a few weeks ago. I was in the kitchen cooking and
Possible trigger:
And that literally freaked me out and I didn’t know what to think. And I really know feel like myself like, I go from crying to no reason, to angry, and then laughing in an hour. It is not everyday though. Anyone insight or recommendations would be appreciated. I am wanting to get back into therapy just working up the courage to do it.
welcome.... I see by other posts you have a diagnosis of BPD my suggestion is just go according to what your own treatment providers are telling you and how they are treating your problems. they are the ones that are qualified to treat your problems..

here at psych central we can not diagnose or speculate on what another persons problems are and make recommendations other than following what the disclaimer at the bottom of the page states (contact your own treatment providers)

what we can do is tell you what things are in our selves and how we solved that problem in ourselves....

when I was feeling like someone was watching me my treatment providers called this psychosis they ruled this out as a dissociative problem because of the dissociative disorders do not have a diagnostic criteria of feeling someone is behind or next to me watching, and the other accompanying symptoms listing also did not include feeling like someone was watching me. but on the psychosis listing there is this symptom so they ruled this was psychosis in me and made some medication changes. soon I was not feeling like someone was watching me any more.

hearing voices can be many different mental disorders in me, it comes with my physical health problem called MS, it comes with my Acute Stress Disorder, it comes with my Bipolar disorder, with my daughter it comes with her physical health problems as with my wife. it also comes with my problem called sleep deprivation. it does not come with any of my dissociative problems that I am presently diagnosed with. in fact its not necessary to hear voices with any dissociative disorders. (I have been diagnosed with many over the past 30 some odd years and each time I disclosed hearing voices the diagnosis for this symptom in me turned out to not be a dissociative thing and medications solved the problem)

just keep following your doctors, therapists and so on. and if because of the move you havent got one yet contact your treatment providers at your old address they can help you get set up with new treatment providers in your new location.

Last edited by CANDC; Nov 01, 2020 at 06:22 PM.. Reason: Remove quoted instance where OP mentioned methods to end life
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Thanks for this!
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:55 PM
  #3
Hi and welcome, RavenGirl. It sounds like you have a lot going on. I see you don't have any current therapist since you have moved, and you also have previously been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. You say you are working up the courage to get back into therapy... do you know what the fear is about, or what is holding you back?
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Default Nov 04, 2020 at 07:40 AM
  #4
When I have thoughts or voices that push for me to end my life I ask them to ease up. I tell myself I can end my life when ever I want so why now. I sometimes ask my selves to slow down. And not to be in a rush to do something so final. If someone is persistent I ask them questions about the reason for taking my life. Usually after we talk we decide that we don't want to go yet. Talking to my selves help to reassure us we are ok. That nothing is bad enough in that moment to end our life. Before I knew I was DID I would panic which would add to the desire to end my life. It was an unending circle of thought. It was exhausting. Now that I know we are a group it helps us to discuss it and as a group decide what is best. This group support is comforting. It relieves my panic And helps us to feel that we are not alone.
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RavenGirl1990
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Default Nov 04, 2020 at 05:40 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Hi and welcome, RavenGirl. You say you are working up the courage to get back into therapy... do you know what the fear is about, or what is holding you back?
Hi,
Yes, I worry about I would be sent to a psych ward like I have been previously. And I would want to talk to a therapist who doesn’t freak out whenever I try and bring up an suicide ideation.
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Kathleen83
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Default Nov 09, 2020 at 09:57 AM
  #6
Hi Raven. About a year and a half ago, I restarted therapy. Like you, I had major trust issues, and a fear of not wanting a repeat of some past experiences. There are some incredible therapists out there - who "get" that suicidal ideation is NOT the same as suicidal impulses, and can handle those kinds of conversations. Your story resonated with me very much. You said you weren't sure how to explain what is happening - but to someone that experiences similar things, you explained beautifully. A therapist who knows your conditions would also be able to understand, also. You asked for recommendations - so here's mine - I fully believe that dissociation, and BPD, are trauma-based issues. Finding a therapist who can provide trauma-based care could be very helpful for you, I think. It certainly worked wonders for me. Getting to the point where I could TRUST a new therapist took quite some time - but was worth the effort (and wasn't without a few bumps along the way.) Starting off slow, and building a relationship were they keys to being able to have honest, open discussions with my therapist. Constantly reminding myself that I was the one in charge of what I disclosed, and that I didn't have to say (admit) anything I didn't want to, until I felt safe enough to, helped. Learning how to tell my therapist "I don't feel ready to discuss this...or that..." helped, also. That let her know there was something to work on, but that I needed her to get me to a place where I could. Thankfully, she was capable of that. Good luck on your journey!

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Default Nov 10, 2020 at 10:28 PM
  #7
Experience the same...might still be in it.
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