Divorcing a Narc.. Will it ever end!

Husband took a job transfer in another state in May of last year. Everyone asked how he was going to maintain two households. Told everyone it was going to be no problem, wanted our daughter's and I to join him, I said no.
This was his 3rd job in 3 years, it was always everyone else's fault as to why the job did not last.
From June to October, he visited his children twice. In October I received a text that said he was about to walk away from a 13 year marriage because I chose our daughter's choir over him.
I told him we both have been unhappy for a while, and he needed to move on and find someone who would make him happy.
When he called after my text, he said he was surprised by my answer. And wanted to know why I wanted him to be happy. He then said how there were a number of women he was interested in but did not want to disrespect me before talking to me about it first.
He said he wanted it to be quick and easy so we could both "move on". That never happened!
8 days after he asked for the divorce, I had not even filed yet. He cut off my phone the morning we had an electrical fire in the house. It was in retaliation for telling his parents he gambled over $19,000 of my retirement money away, and had not been helping pay the utility bills or supporting his kids.
2 weeks later he emailed me and told me to expedite the divorce because he was planning on getting married in the near future.
When I went to court in Dec. I was surprised that he showed up. The judge would not finalize the divorce till we agreed on the final divorce decree. He would not agree or discuss any changes.
It took him 4 1/2 months to see our children and his first visit, he brought his girlfriend with him. And he wanted our children to spend the night in the hotel that he was staying at with the girlfriend. I said NO!
Then he put a restraining order out against me, said I forged his name on the taxes I filed, and wanted half the tax return money. He has not paid a dime in support of his children, and he is not on my tax return.
He skipped out on the last two months rent at his previous apartment, his car was repossessed last month, and his phone was cut off for owing over $800.
Before the repo could be put on his credit report, he got another car.
I asked the judge to put a morality clause in the temporary orders, so the children can not spend the night with him if his girlfriend is there. That pissed them both off. My husband is trying to get my children out of choir, even though our oldest has been in it for 4 years.
If it does not benefit him or the money is not spent on him, then it is a waste of money.
He is angry because he can no longer control us, and has drained all the money he could out of me. That is why he is now after the tax money.
I just need him and his girlfriend to go away and leave me and the children alone.

This time next year, he will have less power over your credit and finances though I understand your anger over what he has already done.

When you said your children cannot spend the night with him and his girlfriend, how old are your children and how do they feel about it? If/when they are teenagers, perhaps they should be able to choose? If he is a selfish narcissist, when they are old enought to understand, they will likely not want to be with him.

I hope you have a good lawyer to help you with this. It will be better for your mental health if you let someone else negotiate the details of this painful divorce.

This is frustrating and awful to read. I am sorry you've had to deal with someone like this, who is indeed narcissistic and destructive.

I wish you the best with recovery and resolve.

So sorry to hear this. My father is a narcissist and my mother divorced him after about 30 years of marriage. As an adult child, I was so proud of her. It sucked for a bit longer for my mom through the proceedings, but now that it's over she's a million times happier.
Best wishes--

hi there,
I can't advise on the finances so I won't - someone who knows more should do that.

Do not encourage vists with the children IF possible. USE this time that he has re: his girlfriend as distraction for him. Some states recognize a legal separation if the spouse does not return to the family home for a year. This would give you a little 'legal leeway' when you need it (dont know what state laws you have??).

Try to reduce unnecessary communication with him. He's 'feeding' on it. He is SICK & no good can come of it. You cannot REASON with a sick person, who is manipulative and a pathological liar. You can't win. I read from a image posted on social network site (bit can't post site), it's like "giving the narc a bullet to shoot you because he missed the first time!"

See what legal recourse you can get. Try to take care of your mind too - this is 'WAR of the wills' & they have (!!) the edge, due to mental illness & lack of conscience

You are not alone. Best.

That's abuse. And he's the one who filed a restraining order against you? Shouldn't you should be the one to file it against him?