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TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
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#1
He did what I feared he did and now I have proof. All that time he let me ***** and moan while he lied to my face. He’s going to have to make good on it. And now I don’t feel like the bad guy.
I’m numb and in shock how he lied to my face and did what he wanted to anyway. Here I said my trust issues make me insecure and I had every reason to be. Trust your gut! Mine’s never been wrong. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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MickeyCheeky, unaluna, yagr
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
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#2
Now I see the pattern of passive/aggressive disrespect and disregard. He undermined the whole marriage. I was emotionally freaked out because I felt the neglect and deception.
Watch out for the quiet ones! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#3
I had to divorce him to make him come clean with his financial records. He is caught red handed. Then he grasped at straws trying to explain it with a ridiculous excuse.
I have never had a more awkward moment. And I’ve had plenty of those! Yes, I was gaslighted and now I will call it abused by a narcissist. This was crazy! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Huesito
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#4
Is it any wonder I have trust issues? This man lied to my face about his honesty and that I am paranoid not to trust him. Meanwhile, he was not trustworthy!!!
I am surprised. I really believed him. And yet, I think HE even believed his own BS because he looked surprised when caught. I am scratching my head searching for what happened... seriously, crazy __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Huesito
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341
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#5
Tisha,
What did he do? Sorry I'm not up to speed. I believe you, but what did you catch him at? Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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unaluna
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
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1,857 hugs
given |
#6
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#7
Anyone who knows me over the last few years on here has seen me be hysterical and bewildered over our intimacy issues. Well... My sister thinks he tormented and gaslighted me over these issues to keep me so upset and confused so that I didn’t nail him for how he was carrying on over money.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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unaluna
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#8
Am I disliked on PC? I think it’s strange that I got zero support on this thread. Oh well, I always soothe myself, anyway.
I do appreciate the one hug, though. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Hobbit House
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
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#9
I must give kudos to my mom, who at least absorbed this when I told her and said she was sorry that I went through all that I did with this man.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341
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#10
I don't think you are disliked here. This thread has kinda gotten lost because it's in a subforum so the other relationship thread show up on the main view.
How did he make money disappear? I thought you managed the finances? Well, as to the gaslighting, I had frankly thought that for a while, but you had kept defending that the marriage was good/he was good to you...well, sometimes you would get mad, but then you would flip flop back to wanting to stay. I am glad it's finally clear to you. At least you can be firm in wanting to move on. You deserve so much more than the scraps he has given you all these years. And the sexual/emotional trauma, time to get rid of that. What's next now with the separation/divorce? How much did he make disappear? Did he steal it or spend it? Is it just hidden? Are you separated now or still living together? I am glad you are no longer falling for this man's lies. Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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TishaBuv, unaluna
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Poohbah
Erebos
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Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: U.K.
Posts: 1,090
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#11
So sorry to hear this.
I know only too well the feeling your going crazy. Being vindicated is cold comfort I am sure, but it's something, you have proof. Not everyone gets that. Wish you all the best from here on in, hope you're able to find resilience and good judgement. Pick your battles. Take care. __________________ I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
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TishaBuv
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
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1,857 hugs
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#12
Two days after this confrontation with him, he tells me that he didn’t do it, that I misunderstood. To say I am frustrated by trying to communicate with him is an understatement. Why wouldn’t he clarify that two days ago? Why did he let me think he was underhanded? I am as confused as ever, and still feel gaslighted!
It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m divorcing him and the lawyers will figure it out. I hope he is not guilty. I wish he would have communicated better. So unfortunate, how two nice people can’t get along. Seesaw— Does it matter how much money he took? It was enough to break my trust forever, if he did it. I know I flip/flop sometimes, and you have noticed that. In this case, I didn’t flip/flop, HE retracted his words and is gaslighting me again! He is either Machiavellian, or the stupidest man in the world! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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unaluna
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#13
I didn't ask how much, I asked how. As in did he empty an account or spend it on something or simply lie about it in the first place. Obviously the amount doesn't matter. I was curious as to the mode of deception. Please don't jump down my throat.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Human
seesaw
grieving
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341
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#14
I was just asking questions to understand the situation. I wasn't asking to put you on the defensive, but rather understand so I can further validate you. I'll bow out.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#15
If I am the one with the trouble communicating and being misunderstood that explains why I can’t get along with certain others. I didn’t get defensive or jump down any one’s throat. I wonder why my words were taken that way. It is SO HARD to tip toe so quietly...
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#16
My h said to me A”How did this all fall apart when All I ever had in my heart was love for you.” I do believe that, and yet I don’t. Did he have nothing but love in his heart when I was crying and overdosing and he gave me the cold shoulder? Did he have nothing but love when he refused to give me attention by initiating love making, which is what I told him I NEED from him?
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary Wise Elder
eskielover
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Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#17
Sorry for not seeing this....am in the middle of my own divorce battle & foreclosure issue on the house he has been financially irresponsible with.
You know what some guys call LOVE in their heart is NOT what we would call it. If he had love the marriage would have been an open book partnership. I can see that in the successful loving marriages & the others where basically they are just coexisting even if there are sometimes signs of connection in a more loving way. I think when we have lived in a marriage & pribably even our growing up family where communication has been dysfunctional it rubs iff on us & yes, we do sometimes have difficulty being understood because we have never learned how mire functilnal people communicate & understand each other.... BUT.....we do our best & most times from my own personal experience when we are out of the dysfunction it opens out minds & abilities to learn & experience what we hadn't all our lives. However, I am noticing right now while I am having to micro focus on getting all this legal stuff in order for my lawyer & basically isolating myself due to time constraints that I have to be overly careful about what I say & how I say it because for me, frustration always brings out the worst in my communication ability. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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TishaBuv
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna
Female luna moth - Please, dont @mention
me?Thanks!
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
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#18
(((Tish)))
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TishaBuv
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Legendary
TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122
(SuperPoster!)
1,857 hugs
given |
#19
Eskie— yes, the paper work, me too! This is taking great strength against so much opposition and stress!
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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eskielover, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
eskielover
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#20
Yep, opposition in subtle ways. I have no contact with him bit the things he tells those I communicate with are legally incorrect but he is either SURE if his lies or he is wanting me to believe them so I won't pursue going after whatever comes from either the foreclosure sale or the sale if my lawyer can force it before the foreclosure sale around end if July.
Everyone including my lawyer says he is full of BS, but he seems to be arrogantly sure of himself. I have always hated dealing with him....it us just bringing back up BAD memories of past experiences. I am sure you may feel the same....can't wait till this is ALL over with. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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unaluna
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