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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
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Posts: 255
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May 28, 2018 at 12:42 AM
#1
it wasn't even that bad really. just involved talking about some wounds from an old relationship. my current boyfriend makes me incredibly happy and secure, but sometimes previous abuse catches up to me and makes me a little paranoid.
he takes it kind of personally, like I am thinking about my ex, or that he wouldn't protect me if a situation did arise. I don't think I can articulate the feelings I have. the argument was relatively calm, but I feel guilty that it's affecting my relationship now. on top of the guilt I feel for letting the abuse happen (and continue) in the first place. is there no winning?  just needed to put this somewhere __________________ Finally diagnosed! Now to start the medication circus. 
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 MickeyCheeky, TishaBuv
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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May 28, 2018 at 04:10 AM
#2
 Some arguments in a relationship will inevitably happen, but that's ok as long as they're not that bad. Don't feel guilty about it: maybe you just need to work on your past scars.. 
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Account Suspended
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Middle of no where
Posts: 1,159
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May 28, 2018 at 04:28 AM
#3
whatever you do don't feel guilt over this. My current wife went though the same with me when we started dating because of things in my past that still trigger me. If he takes it personal that's on him not you.
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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: /
Posts: 255
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May 28, 2018 at 11:41 PM
#4
Thank you both for the kind words. we were able to talk about. it further. thankfully we both strongly believe in communication. we were able to both openly explain our side of the situation and talk it out.
definitely the calmest, most mature "argument" I've ever had lol __________________ Finally diagnosed! Now to start the medication circus.
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| Altarian
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,740
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Jun 02, 2018 at 08:04 AM
#5
It's called "getting to know each other".....ONLY way a REAL relationship can grow.
__________________  Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,417
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Jul 09, 2018 at 07:42 AM
#6
There is a limit to how much your boyfriend can take hearing about your old relationship and the abuse that came with it. (I hope I'm understanding the sequence of experiences you've had.) Also, you can't overly rely on your bf to soothe away all residue of pain that the old experience left you with. Some of that is emotional work that you have to do. Sounds like you have a good guy now. Don't live in the past. It's over.
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 healingme4me, palerefraction
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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
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Jul 13, 2018 at 08:56 AM
#7
Maybe work on understanding your relationship needs, things that bother you, things you like to see happen in ways of communication. Don't be afraid to connect dots not only through things that transpired in your old relationship but also in your family of origin.
I don't know about you, but I'm prone to people pleasing and turning the other cheek to a flaw. In being nice and accepting of others a line has a tendency to be crossed to the point of being a doormat or better yet, being taken for granted. In an 'oh she doesn't/won't mind' sort of way. Given an inch, a mile can be taken. Just because your new guy is great and nice, doesn't mean you cannot express what's tolerable or not. And it's not because it evokes memories of past wounds it's because it's who you are. |
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Rose76
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