Separation under one roof?????

My stbx is my best friend and although I do not Want the divorce or to be apart he does.
Due to financial reasons along with our kids happiness we are going with a separation under one roof. A little back story this is not the 1st time he has wanted out he had a fling about 5 years back but we worked through it. Now he is supposedly not seeing anyone and want me to not worry about anything and that we will do this a step at a time.... while living in the same house different rooms.. he is gone for work 3 days/nights at a time then home for a few so I feel this could be possible ... I’m asking for advice on how to make this work

Not legal here in NC. Very expensive to separate here. Just did it, and spent THOUSANDS! I'm hoping it will be worth it in the end. My happiness is the goal. Wish you luck.

I guess keep detailed ledgers for financial purposes?

If you don't mind my asking, whose idea was it to remain under the same roof?

I remained under the same roof for 13 years before I could financially afford to leave. It was hell & drove me to many suicide attempts because I felt so trapped.

Just be careful & yes, separate your finances NOW. Don't allow yiyrself to be on any new loans with him or yiu will be responsuble for them in the long run & they will be divided equally or equitably.

Honestly it is not a good idea for the kids because they sense what is going on.

My kids’ dad and I share a home. The therapist said that there are many more families who live together without being a couple than we realize, because their family life looks outwardly the same. I don't know why that helped me to know that, but it did...does.

My advice:

-Be really really clear about your reasons for making the choice to stay under one roof. Are they healthy reasons, considering the needs of everyone individually and as a family? How long do you plan to live like this? What might the slow transition look like?

-Also, be really clear about your boundaries. What are your deal breakers?

-A good couples counselor who's worked with couples living like this is a valuable resource.

-It takes an enormous amount of trust to live like this, because it requires both parties to put aside self-interest and put the needs of the family unit first. That’s both hard to do and hard to trust the other person for. This is the hardest part, because you have to trust that the other person will be fair and reasonable (financially, emotionally, practically) during the shared home part and when it comes time to move on.

-We sat down together and outlined our reasons for doing this, and our roles and responsibilities within the family. Then we came up with a written agreement about how we'd handle chores, finances, outside time commitments, parenting, disagreements.

-We even discussed how we’d handle the issue of dating. That was a HARD conversation to have, but valuable.

I would definitely consult an attorney to see if there are some additional legal protections you need to consider. And a family therapist if you’ve got the resources, not for purposes of couples counseling, but for a resource while navigating this separation period.

I’m sorry you’re facing this. It’s a heart wrenching place to be.

As a child brought up in a home where my parents stayed together for the sake of the kids I can tell you for us it was utter hell.
With one parent who was deluded into thinking it would work out ok and the other who had no intention of ever going back and treated the house like a drop in to get food laundry. Then living the single life on the side.

Leading to hospitalizations, depressive episodes, huge arguments.
The parents tried to over compensate by giving us everything to keep us on side.

We ended up being habitual runaway, drug addicts and my brother well he is an RSO. And neither of us can from a healthy relationship.

If your going to do this you need to do what warm fuzzy suggests.
Make strict boundaries.
Make sure you are both on the same page.
For God sake get a good mediator.

Wish you all the best I do.

Best thing our parents ever did was get the hell away from each other.

OMG ! My own experience was hell on earth. I should have just lived in the street. Would have been safer ! It really sucks when the resources to move out, either party , are not available. The negative vibes alone can shatter your brain.
Unless your both very mature and can leave out the emotions, it’s a very hard thing to do. I could probably write a book about my experience in that situation.
Good luck , that’s all I can say. The best advice has already been given.

My first instincts, when you said in your OP that you don’t want the divorce, he does, is that it might not be a safe situation for you in that circumstance.

Living under the same roof after divorce is hell on earth for me right now. We should have split. He did not have the money at the time. Today we keep trying to get back together, it's not working out too well. Divorce and split is what we should have done, no matter what. I would not ever go through this again.