Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage. - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 11-04-2018, 08:55 AM #1
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Default Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage.

Hello everyone,

I donít even know where to begin. Iíve been married for almost 13 years. (November 16 is our anniversary.) We 2 children.

We married rather quickly into our marriage. I became pregnant and got married because thatís what I thought was best.

I have always struggled with depression but it become worse after marriage. My husband has always been very controlling. He has verbally and emotionally abused me. Gives me the silent treatment. We can go months without taking, living under the same roof, if he does not get his way. I canít say no to him. He has been caught talking to other women. I have kicked him out. I have moved in with him after being separated. I have left. Last month he became physical. That was the final straw. I have since filed for a divorce. Spoken to a divorce lawyer and have the paperwork to serve him. I have 3 months to have him served. I know I need to do it, but actually doing it has been a struggle. Iím divided. Iím scared. And lonely. It just feels like part of me is dying a slow and painful death.

I really donít know where to turn. I feel lost. Alone. And completely off balanced.
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Old 11-04-2018, 12:16 PM #2
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Smile Re: Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage.

As you can imagine, there are lots of articles, in PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of divorce. Here's a selection of 13 of them that I thought might be of some help:

Are You Ready For Divorce? 8 Questions You Should Answer

Reduce the Stress of a Divorce

10 Divorce Precepts to Understand Before Filing | The Exhausted Woman

9 Tips to Navigate Common Stages of Divorce

Want a Divorce? Stop the Emotional Yo-Yo and Be Clear About It

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/heali...dium=popular17

How To Deal With Depression After Divorce: 5 Actionable Tips

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-help...ce-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psych...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/talking...divorce/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-par...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mixin...-custody-case/

My best wishes to you & your family.
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Old 11-04-2018, 04:54 PM #3
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Default Re: Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage.

Having papers served is a huge leap, no doubt about it. Are you solid in your truth that your marriage is as toxic as can be?
Silent treatments, physical aggression and other women seem like solid reasons to me.
I think what's scary is the financial ledge of going from double income to single with childrearing costs factoring in. Another thing that I found challenging is the social fallout because there are those that judge without knowing. But eventually that wears off.
Have you at least spoken with counselors in the domestic violence circuit where you've been physically battered? They can be a good resource to at least give guidance.
I have no regrets, myself in filing and walking away. It hasn't always been smooth sailing, but I wouldn't want the path we were on ever again.
I had a lot going on besides the divorce. I've grown from this in ways that perhaps I wouldn't have.
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Old 11-04-2018, 10:08 PM #4
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Default Re: Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage.

Please follow through with it. You have been abused for years and now itís physical abuse. It will only get worse if you stay. Abuse statistically worsens over time. Care about your own well being enough to take the final step. As said above, it may not be an easy road ahead, but itís better than the one behind you.
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"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

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Old 06-25-2019, 08:38 AM #5
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Default Re: Filed for divorce... after 13 years of marriage.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Divorce is a stressful, painful process. Even if the marriage was toxic, it is still a relationship. And you are grieving the death of a relationship. I agree with the above quote from Bob Marley. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." That is so true. I, like many others have gone through this. Even when I didn't think I could, I did. And I know you can as well. So you keep your head up, girl. You got this!
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