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Rose76
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Default May 31, 2019 at 09:29 PM
  #81
The kind of behavior that these two people, your ex and former friend, have engaged in is not what I believe makes a good foundation for a great, wonderful life. If you are imagining them as having tons of new happiness and a marvelous future ahead, while you are left to drink only from a bitter cup, then I think you are not understanding how life tends to go. They will have their own miseries waiting for them down the road. They may hide that very well, but there will be a lot going on that you won't know about . . . and it won't all be good.

These are two people inclined to be treacherous. I don't think their life is going to be a constant walk in a rose garden. You may be better off having the both of them out of your life. Now you're free to find good, loyal people to invest your time and interest in. That can take a lot of time and a lot of looking, but there are good people out there - people who don't find it easy to betray a friend.

Stop imagine these two as happy and laughing and knowing only joy and satisfaction. You won't know what they're doing. Pain comes into every life.
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SuzanneZebra
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #82
I'm sorry I don't have an answer either. I just know it does get easier.
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 02:17 PM
  #83
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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
it's a slow process and something that you cannot rush. Thing is to work on focusing on yourself, good things in your life even when it doesn't seem like there's much, work on it. I have been through being left by a spouse and for me it was a full year to feel ok-ish and longer to find my footing and independence. although it was very painful I can say without question that it does pass eventually and there can be good things ahead but you gotta believe in that and claim it for yourself.
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Azzurrella
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Default Jul 29, 2019 at 11:13 PM
  #84
Hi Friends! I'm still moving on, but It is not easy...
They are not yet two yers that my husband left me...now he has married again and his "lady" is pregnant of 6 months......
I can't believe that is love. He has fallen in love, surely. She's carrying on her project to have a baby (she's old, she had not a lot of time to wait again).
It's not my matter, but in a sort of competition between us, they're alteady at the goal, while I have to left the start point yet.
And so much things are not right yet in my life!!
I feel like they have stolen my life. For sure the last two years.
How they can sleep?
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Rose76
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Default Jul 30, 2019 at 02:49 AM
  #85
It's you who has to make your life. "They" could not have stolen anything that was surely and truly yours. What they demolished was the illusion you were living in. You found out you didn't have what you thought was yours. It didn't get stolen from you. You never really had it.

Her having a baby doesn't mean she's winning some race. Stop these comparisons.
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Azzurrella
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 04:42 AM
  #86
If I have to be sincere, I have to tell that I'm thinking very often how to stop this pain, and the solution is not properly pain-free.

If I will be lucky, maybe an asteroid will hurt my car, with me inside, when I' m going at work.

I cannot struggle anymore.
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Rose76
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 12:08 AM
  #87
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.
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Default Oct 24, 2019 at 03:21 PM
  #88
I think your grieving. For what could have been,should have been.When you married you wanted to make a life with him together. I understand what your saying...I am the same way right now. Its been 3 years for me . Now I am trying to rebuild a life from what was my life for 36 years. My grown children are all happy from what i know. See them on stat days. Hope you can get the funk out,i am trying and i hope to be soon too.
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 06:56 AM
  #89
It may seem that I'm glad to continue to suffer from my situation.
I have an horrible family, they think (and they say) that my husband has thrown me away from my house and his family for my faults, and that everyone will do the same thing. So I feel like I have no hope for the future, my life is a non sense. For what I'm going on? I don't think a therapist will give me the solution. What I think is that I have no solution. Everything I had Is lost, my life is now unworthy. Someone goes on, I go back.
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Rose76
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Default Feb 07, 2020 at 11:32 AM
  #90
So "everything you had" depended on him? Did you not have anything that you got for yourself?

So he broke his promise "to take care of [you.]" If your plan in life was to have someone else "take care" of you, then that was not a good plan. And it was not necessary. You can take care of you. You might need some assistance. We all need some help from others. And others need help from you and from me.

If you can't think of how to help yourself, then go help someone else. The world is full of "need." You have power. Use it. Help someone. Help a dog. Go feed some birds. Use your power to change something somewhere. You have power.

You made a plan. It failed. So make another plan. If it fails, make plan #3. If you get tired, take a rest. Then make plan #4. That's what people do to get what they want. That's the whole secret of life.
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partyofone
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 12:38 PM
  #91
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Originally Posted by Azzurrella View Post
It may seem that I'm glad to continue to suffer from my situation.
I have an horrible family, they think (and they say) that my husband has thrown me away from my house and his family for my faults, and that everyone will do the same thing. So I feel like I have no hope for the future, my life is a non sense. For what I'm going on? I don't think a therapist will give me the solution. What I think is that I have no solution. Everything I had Is lost, my life is now unworthy. Someone goes on, I go back.
This family is not being supportive! How could they possibly know your past in this close relationship with your ex-husband, much less the future of the world?

I wonder if you're giving too much time to these people who aren't really in your corner, and too much time too to imagining your ex and his new partner. I bet they're not thinking and worrying about and discussing you, as much as you are them.

Please take care of yourself! (And, yes, I've been divorced too.)

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Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. --Samuel Butler
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miles vorkosigan
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Default Sep 26, 2020 at 08:24 PM
  #92
1 year and you never will look back
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Default Apr 20, 2021 at 09:16 AM
  #93
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1 year and you never will look back
Let's hope that for September 2021 I'll feel good!
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Default Apr 20, 2021 at 09:38 AM
  #94
I hope You all are good. I'm fine, and hope the pandemic will end, at the end.

Every day I cry. Now it is not for my ex husband. I cry thinking of me. I'd like to have someone telling me that I'm doing good. My parents cannot. My friends refuse to look at me for what I really am: because I WAS strong and was the one helping others, nobody now helps me.
I don't need anything, but I see the big differences between the life I worked to build up, and the results. I know I have to accept everything: my absent parents, my judjing parents, my hard work, my loneliness, my life without a family, without chidren, without the house I had, without dreams.
I work every day. Every day in my car go8ng to work, I cannot stop thinking what I was and what it is.
Amen, I have not anything else to say. This was the plan for me.
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Default Jun 06, 2021 at 10:45 AM
  #95
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Originally Posted by Azzurrella View Post
So 1 year passed, and I have not found yet anything to make me happy, or a destination. My GPS is ko, I don’t know where to go. One year passed from listening that my marriage was ended, in a butterfly flap we closed everything, just to end 2 moths ago with divorce. I live it as a personal failure, the biggest failure in my imperfect life, while I feel envy for him, who has everything. I was thrown in the trash. Ok, in happens. Hope to forget.
One thing I learned for sure is that an healthy self esteem and self worth is one way to address the grief and pain. So, it's important to find out all the ways and means to achieve them
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