Divorced & Looking to Move Forward - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 12-10-2018, 10:43 AM #1
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Default Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

Hello, so I'm just starting to process my feelings around the divorce and am having a hard time this holiday season. I feel like I'm stuck in the past, and still grieving, unable to process things & to find acceptance/closure to move forward. I think I'd benefit from a support group or divorce recovery program, but I've looked & looked & there's are none close to me. For those of you who are seperated or divorced, have there been any books/workbooks or website articles which have been especially helpful?
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Old 12-10-2018, 11:15 AM #2
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Default Re: Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

I'm so sorry you're struggling, butterfly_angel I can't give advice, as I'm not divorced or separated. Just know that it will take time to heal, and that's perfectly ok. Don't give up. You can do this. In the meantime, we're here for you. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. I hope others will be able to give better advice. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-10-2018, 02:48 PM #3
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I'm sorry you have struggling. Here are links to 9 articles, from PC's archives, that hopefully may be of some help:

Understanding and Using the Thoughts and Feelings After Divorce | Healing Together for Couples

How To Deal With Depression After Divorce: 5 Actionable Tips

5 Helpful Ways to Cope With Post-Divorce Depression

What to Do When You Feel Lost After Divorce

How to Forgive Yourself after Divorce

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-like-a-death/

https://psychcentral.com/holidays/

And then in terms of 1:1 on-line support, have you considered signing in either to The Haven or to the 7 Cups website? Here's a link to the Haven's forum here on PC as well as a link to the 7 Cups website:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/the-haven/

https://www.7cups.com/

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Old 12-13-2018, 06:40 PM #4
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Default Re: Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

I don't think my own choices in how I spent that first year or two are quite relatable, but I'm sharing anyways. I was at peace about my decision by the time that I filed. My mom had also received a terminal diagnosis months before I filed and was gone within months of the finalizing of my divorce which was a 9-10 month process, each were actually. That said.
I cut the cable cord and left only internet access. I spent time at the library. I ordered workout dvds. I followed sports and only sports, which I love to follow. I read an enormous about of literature in genres that interested me. I spent time living in the moment. I disconnected from social media and used twitter to follow sports and only sports and there's actually some health feeds and travel site feeds still at the oldest followed section of that site.
So yeah. I spent time doing for me what I like. My core.
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Old 12-16-2018, 02:29 AM #5
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Default Re: Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

I actually moved forward before getting my divorce because he made it financially impossible to get the divorce at that time & then the economy crashed & the house we owned was upside down. There was no point in forcing anything because debts & no assets would have kept me trapped so I left.

For years I was home getting all the collection calls. I left & it was his turn to deal with it.

My mom died several years before I was finally able to leave but selling her house & inheritance gave me the money to move 2100 miles away & buy a small 10 acre farm.

Amazing to be on my own for the first time in 54 years of life. I bought only foods that I liked. I had no furniture so it was like camping out in my home. I got internet. The little town I moved to has only 8000 people after leaving Los Angeles with millions of people I decided to check out the town. I joined the monthly book club at the library. For someone who never read much before other than tons of tech manuals for work this was me challenging myself & I even enjoyed being involved in the discussion.

Met people in the horse community & that has been a great bond with people & many activities involved.

Got involved in a church & Bible study groups.

I found an outstanding psychologist & was in an intense DBT group for 2 years. Met 2 good friends in there that I have kept in touch with & we have actually started an art group we enjoy painting together.

I also found an outstanding ballroom dance & performance class in the neighboring town. I have met wonderful people through that also.

The world equestrian games came to our local horse park in 2010. I volunteered & ended up on the decoration crew that did all the floral decor for all the events. That crew was so awesome they welcomed many of us to join them to decorate an annual 4 star eventing show. We come together once a year & make the greatest team.

I have done a lot of volunteer work in my town & horse rescue work.

I think for me, this small town has made it much easier for me to get involved & get to know people.

But basically I always thought there was more to life & living in a community than what I experienced so my new separated life included all the opportunities I had been missing for the interests I have. After 11 years I finally got my divorce last Aug but am still battling over marriage assets in the state I came from.

I started my new life long before the divorce. Had no interest in dating as I had way too much to sort out in my own life which thebpieces of that puzzle have now come together thanks to my awesome T.

Just get out there & do the things that always interest you. Get involved in whatever that may be....but maje it new things you haven't been doing.
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Divorced & Looking to Move Forward



Leo's favorite place was riding shot gun in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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Old 12-23-2018, 12:14 PM #6
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Default Re: Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

I just wanted to update you guys, my therapist and I are beginning to work through things (which will continue after the holidays) and I've found a few helpful workbooks/journals, of which I was able to order two online witha gift card I forgot I had :-) So there's that, but I'd still like to sort through my feelings on here and get your support and feedback. It's going to be a long road working through the grief and moving towards healing and acceptance. I'll post more in another post. And just a quick note about staying busy and distracting myself, I did this and have pushed my feelings aside for the last six years instead of coping with how I feel & so it's caught up with me. No, while staying busy helps as a distraction, I need to acknowledge and work through my grief in order to start to move forward.
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Dx's:
Major Depressive Disorder (2006), Anxiety Disorder (2013), Attention Deficit Disorder, primary inattentiveness (1993).

Current Meds/Supplements
Wellbutrin XL 300mg, 100mg of 5-HTP, B-Complex Vitamin, & 2000mg Omega-3 fish oil in AM, Melatonin 6mg at bedtime

I've literally tried just about everything from A(mbien) to Z(oloft, just ask me if you have questions about my experiences!
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Old 12-23-2018, 03:57 PM #7
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Default Re: Divorced & Looking to Move Forward

Agree totally. I never had the words or the understanding of all the emotions I was feeling other than anger toward him. Took me years if good therapy to even define the feelings I was experiencing. None for me were grief because it was such a relief to be away from him but I understand how for others grief would be a big part of it. I already knew after 33 years of dealing with him that the marriage was NEVER going to be good & had written that off when I left.

Every divorce is so different. Good you have a T who is helping you to process it all
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Divorced & Looking to Move Forward



Leo's favorite place was riding shot gun in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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