Do I Even Bother? - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-24-2019, 02:13 AM #1
AltruisticTrout AltruisticTrout is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Varied
Posts: 3
AltruisticTrout AltruisticTrout is offline
New Member
AltruisticTrout A Kind Fish
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Varied
Posts: 3

Default Do I Even Bother?

We had a good run until I stopped being able to control my emotional state.
Then the text came. I was dangerous, he felt threatened (I was never violent, just argumentative, easily frustrated) and he wanted to end the marriage. He would not talk to me in person or over the phone. To this day the only way we have communicated is by text. He gave me a date to move out by, officially moved Into my best friend's house with her husband, and gave the house to my now 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend. (She has also decided to sever ties with me).

So that's the story of the breakup. It was weird, abrupt, lacking closure etc. This is where it becomes awful: Today I'm sitting in the neurologists office holding a print out of imaging that had been done recently. I was asked questions, did I have a bad headache, weakness on one side, any mood changes? The results? Damage in two places on the right side of the brain, possibly caused by a previous blood clot. The Dr and I talked for a while, I briefly made mention of my recent bipolar diagnosis. He seems to think it was never bipolar, but something that happens after a stroke. The random unexplained crying, the aggression, the paranoia... all because of a clot.
Tonight is the moment I came to realize that my marriage broke down over something I couldn't control, no matter what I did. I am displaced, severed from almost every person that made my shortened life worth living, and left living as a barnacle in a family members spare room over a clot.
He doesn't know. I have made it a point not to push contact with him anymore. He has no desire to listen, or to really care. I still feel the compulsion to tell him, but what good would it do me? Mood stabilizers have worked wonders for most of it. They keep me ki da flat, and that flat tells me he would never forgive me no matter what caused me to be such a monster. I'm tired, and I just desperately want him to understand how I tried, but I'm pretty sure I shouldnt bother.
AltruisticTrout is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 04-24-2019, 06:58 PM #2
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,326
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,326 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
12.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: Do I Even Bother?

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of this sadness. I don't know as I have much of anything to offer in the way of advice. You wrote you desperately want your ex to understand how you tried, but you're pretty sure you shouldn't bother. I have to say that, given the way your ex ended your marriage, I'm not sure he's really worth the bother. But if it would make you feel better to tell him, I'd say go for it. It may well not change anything. (Perhaps it's for the best if it doesn't?) But perhaps it may cause him to consider what he did. He should...

Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on how to awaken your soul following heartbreak:

How to Awaken Your Soul After a Broken Heart

My best wishes to you...
__________________
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 04-27-2019, 04:52 AM #3
Anonymous55879
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous55879
Guest
Anonymous55879 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: Do I Even Bother?

I am so sorry you suffered from a stroke and that your family has been so heartless.

I say, don't bother for their sake but if you just need to let them know because you want to--mail a letter to your daughter? If it was me, I would still want to reconcile with my daughter eventually. Though I would write the letter, let it sit and then reread it a few times over the course of a few days in order to get it right. It is such an emotional issue that I think the letter needs a lot of thought and not be pushy at all. Your daughter is under the influence of your ex and young so I think you should bother when it comes to her but not expect things to change for a long time. It might take years but, hopefully, she eventually understands.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 04-27-2019, 05:04 AM #4
Anonymous55879
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous55879
Guest
Anonymous55879 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: Do I Even Bother?

I realize that your daughter may never open the letter but I would want to set the record straight somehow for the sake of posterity.

You mention your life is shortened? What is your physical prognosis for the future? I am sorry things are so tough.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 05-02-2019, 01:02 AM #5
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,508
Rose76 Rose76 is online now
Wise Elder
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 pondering what to do next.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,508 (SuperPoster!)

8 yr Member
4,031 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do I Even Bother?

Wow. That's an awful lot you're dealing with. You are incredible to be even holding it together at all.

I think you should inform your husband of your diagnosis.

I couldn't quite follow what you relate about the houses. How does your husband have the authority to order you out of your home? It doesn't sound like you feel cared about by this man. That has roots in stuff back before the blood clot.

I strongly recommend you sit down with an attorney. Not to begin divorce proceedings, but to have a clearer idea of your rights and how to protect them. You really need help and sound advice from a source you can trust. Money may be a problem, but that can make a lawyer even more essential.

Keep all your doctor appointments. Your daughter should also be informed of your health issues.
Rose76 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:22 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.