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Feelnscared
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Default Jan 01, 2020 at 12:40 AM
  #1
Hi Everyone. I have no one to talk to and just need my story out there. I'm still married to the woman I love with a 3yrld and 7yrld. I've always been faithful and try insanely hard everyday to do what she wants to make her happy. Typical day for me...get up, make breakfast, get my 7yrld ready for school, take him, take my younger one to the library or park, make lunch, usually prepare dinner so it's easy for my wife to feed them later, clean around the house, go to work, come home, get them ready for bed.... Everyday I do this and usually take them to sports classes or dance twice a week. Then I do something fun on the weekends... I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. My wife usually does the laundry but I've been doing that the past month too. She says she has no time but she has time 6am to about 3 or 330pm everyday!
Now, I know I'm not perfect but I try to be better everyday. But I have no bad habits aside from eating chocolate. I'm healthy, sporty, and love my family more than anything and always try to get us to a counselor for help. I try to do everything and I'm proud of what I can do. I have an amazing job, working 30hrs a week an make 6 figures. My wife has not worked much for the past 7 years, I really wish she would because she's not a stay at home mom type person and always breaks down and can't handle the for more than a few hrs. I'm often afraid to come home knowing she'll be in tears.
NOW, here are the big issues.....She spends $500 or more per month on wine. Drinks every night and becomes violent, mean, obnoxious, etc.. 1 bottle or more pee night, has to be at least 14% alcohol. A few years ago was asleep in her Van passed out. Another time I had to hold her down to keep her from hitting me, she hit my ear so bad she blew my eardrum and J was bleeding and didn't hear right for a year.
2nd, she's extremely jealous. If we are at a beach and a good looking woman in a bikini is near, she'll make us move...I have no interest and my wife is gorgeous to me! There are many crazy examples. 3rd, She's horrible with money, she sold her previous house, had about 250000 and burned through it on I don't know what in
About 4 or 5 years. She didnt have insurance on her house for 2 years and the mortgage company found out. I had to get her insurance. She didnt pay her water bill forever, so I had to pay $3000 for it. I pay all our bills, mortgage, food, etc and she has the nerve to always call me cheap. I bought her s $90 pair of sunglasses (which she liked) along with other stuff for Christmas and she found out the glasses were $90 and made me return them to by her a $250 Kate Spade pair. I spent $500 on gifts for our kids and she spent another $2000 on gifts for them without telling me!
Finally, she's had some stress this year from family and she snapped. One day she suddenly was accusing me of everything like having a other instagram account, I showed her it was some other guy. Then she started saying there are cameras all over our house and acting insane saying there are videos of us online. She even took videos in the park of other parents she said were videoing our kids.... I honestly think she is a paranoid schizophrenic. She seemed to get better and couldn't believe she was even hallucinating. She said she'd get help but still hasn't.
The oast 2 weeks she says she wants to split up. I don't know how I still have the strength to try but I still remember the great things about her and I still love her. Am I insane? Should I give up? Seems like I'm the only person willing to try in our relationship. I'm so worried for our two amazing kids. If I knew 100% I'd get custody I'd be a little less scared. But I have no idea how it will work.
It would make sense I would. But I'm sure she'll make up something.

Thanks for letting me tell my crappy story. Not having anyone to talk to has killed me but I needed to let it out. Forgot to say, now she will only text me not talk and locks herself in our room and won't see me. Even spent a couple days at an airbnb.
Not a good way to welcome the new year.

Thanks again.
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Smile Jan 01, 2020 at 03:10 PM
  #2
Hello Feelnscared: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum that may be of interest here on PC is the Partners of People & Caregivers forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/

And then, since you're a dad, the Healthy Parenting forum may also be one to check out:

https://psychcentralforums.com/healthy-parenting/

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. You wrote you feel you're being taken advantage of & you asked (I presume rhetorically) if you're insane. Of course you're not insane. It sounds to me as though you're doing a remarkable job of bearing up under extremely difficult circumstances. I guess I personally wouldn't say you're being taken advantage of either though since that would suggest your wife is doing what she's doing intentionally. And, although I'm not a mental health professional, I personally doubt that is the case.

Based on what you wrote it sounds as though your wife is seriously mentally ill & in that case perhaps not able to consciously make the decision to take advantage of you. Unfortunately in terms of how that affects you, either way, it's the same. And sadly unless & until your wife decides to seek the treatment she needs little, if anything, may be likely to change. So there may come a point where you will be forced to make some decisions regarding your marriage. I'm sure this will be agonizing for you.

Here are links to a selection of a dozen articles, from Psych Central's archives, that touch upon some of the concerns you raised in your post:

Top 10 Signs of Schizophrenia | Psych Central

Paranoid Schizophrenia | Symptoms & Diagnosis | Psych Central

Ten Things To Do When Everything Erupts | Bipolar Update

8 Ways To Cope With Someone Who Has Delusions | Caregivers, Family & Friends

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...hout-fighting/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...ental-illness/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...-denial/?all=1

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/welln...rom-an-expert/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/welln...artner-part-2/

My best wishes to you & your family. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Last edited by Skeezyks; Jan 01, 2020 at 03:23 PM..
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sarahsweets
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 04:56 AM
  #3
Hi @Feelnscared:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feelnscared View Post
Hi Everyone. I have no one to talk to and just need my story out there. I'm still married to the woman I love with a 3yrld and 7yrld. I've always been faithful and try insanely hard everyday to do what she wants to make her happy. Typical day for me...get up, make breakfast, get my 7yrld ready for school, take him, take my younger one to the library or park, make lunch, usually prepare dinner so it's easy for my wife to feed them later, clean around the house, go to work, come home, get them ready for bed.... Everyday I do this and usually take them to sports classes or dance twice a week. Then I do something fun on the weekends... I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. My wife usually does the laundry but I've been doing that the past month too. She says she has no time but she has time 6am to about 3 or 330pm everyday!
has it always been this way?
Quote:

NOW, here are the big issues.....She spends $500 or more per month on wine. Drinks every night and becomes violent, mean, obnoxious, etc.. 1 bottle or more pee night, has to be at least 14% alcohol. A few years ago was asleep in her Van passed out. Another time I had to hold her down to keep her from hitting me, she hit my ear so bad she blew my eardrum and J was bleeding and didn't hear right for a year.
As an alcoholic mom in recovery I can tell you I identify with what you are saying. I didnt become an alcoholic until my late 30's and was up to three bottles of wine a day at the end. I hid a lot of it from my family. I am a stay at home mom and all my kids were in school during the day. I drank from the minute I woke up (4am) until I went to bed. I fought with my husband and scared my kids. I am also bipolar and even though I was taking meds the alcohol totally made those meds useless. If she is drinking that much and you know its 500$ per month[/ quote]I would bet she is drinking more and you just dont know about it. I was beligerant and aggressive when I was drinking too.
Quote:
2nd, she's extremely jealous. If we are at a beach and a good looking woman in a bikini is near, she'll make us move...I have no interest and my wife is gorgeous to me! There are many crazy examples. 3rd, She's horrible with money, she sold her previous house, had about 250000 and burned through it on I don't know what in
About 4 or 5 years. She didnt have insurance on her house for 2 years and the mortgage company found out. I had to get her insurance. She didnt pay her water bill forever, so I had to pay $3000 for it. I pay all our bills, mortgage, food, etc and she has the nerve to always call me cheap. I bought her s $90 pair of sunglasses (which she liked) along with other stuff for Christmas and she found out the glasses were $90 and made me return them to by her a $250 Kate Spade pair. I spent $500 on gifts for our kids and she spent another $2000 on gifts for them without telling me!
Are these your kids? What I mean is you talk of what you had to do to help her with her house so was this when you two got together?
Quote:
Finally, she's had some stress this year from family and she snapped. One day she suddenly was accusing me of everything like having a other instagram account, I showed her it was some other guy. Then she started saying there are cameras all over our house and acting insane saying there are videos of us online. She even took videos in the park of other parents she said were videoing our kids.... I honestly think she is a paranoid schizophrenic. She seemed to get better and couldn't believe she was even hallucinating. She said she'd get help but still hasn't.
The oast 2 weeks she says she wants to split up. I don't know how I still have the strength to try but I still remember the great things about her and I still love her. Am I insane? Should I give up? Seems like I'm the only person willing to try in our relationship. I'm so worried for our two amazing kids. If I knew 100% I'd get custody I'd be a little less scared. But I have no idea how it will work.
It would make sense I would. But I'm sure she'll make up something.
Its tempting to want to diagnose her with a mental illness and she may have one but alcohol will do these things to people. it can make them paranoid and irrational which is why I think she is drinking more than you know. Have you tried giving her an ultimatum about getting treatment? If she is drinking that much she needs a medical detox even if its for 5 days but inpatient for at least 30 I feel will be more helpful. They have dual diagnosis programs both outpatient and inpatient that deal with mental illness and addiction.
You are going to have to give her consequences for the sake of your children. Even if you think everything is hidden from the kids they know.

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Feelnscared
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 06:14 PM
  #4
Thanks for the info.
Sarasweets, I would say she's done less an less over the past 8 yrs. Now, I feel like I'm doing about 90%.
They are our kids. We just both had houses before we met and after going through so many troubles renting it with hers, she finally sold it. But sive helped her the past 8 yrs maintain it and put a tonne of money into it for renovations before being sold.
It's amazing what alcohol can do to her plus she's very petite and about 5" tall so I'm sure that makes it worse. Everyone in her family drinks alcohol like water. I would say she wasn't bad when I met her but after our first child it really started to get out of control. I don't think the the jealousy is from the alcohol though she was really bad when I met her and I thought she'd get better but hasn't. I'm literally one of the most faithful people on the planet. Plus the recent breakdown she had where she thought cameras were everywhere was like something out of a movie. It was unbelievable.
Right now it is like a rollercoaster, yesterday was great, today awful.

Thanks again
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IceCreamKid
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 07:21 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feelnscared View Post
Hi Everyone. I have no one to talk to and just need my story out there. I'm still married to the woman I love with a 3yrld and 7yrld. I've always been faithful and try insanely hard everyday to do what she wants to make her happy. Typical day for me...get up, make breakfast, get my 7yrld ready for school, take him, take my younger one to the library or park, make lunch, usually prepare dinner so it's easy for my wife to feed them later, clean around the house, go to work, come home, get them ready for bed.... Everyday I do this and usually take them to sports classes or dance twice a week. Then I do something fun on the weekends... I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. My wife usually does the laundry but I've been doing that the past month too. She says she has no time but she has time 6am to about 3 or 330pm everyday!
Now, I know I'm not perfect but I try to be better everyday. But I have no bad habits aside from eating chocolate. I'm healthy, sporty, and love my family more than anything and always try to get us to a counselor for help. I try to do everything and I'm proud of what I can do. I have an amazing job, working 30hrs a week an make 6 figures. My wife has not worked much for the past 7 years, I really wish she would because she's not a stay at home mom type person and always breaks down and can't handle the for more than a few hrs. I'm often afraid to come home knowing she'll be in tears.
NOW, here are the big issues.....She spends $500 or more per month on wine. Drinks every night and becomes violent, mean, obnoxious, etc.. 1 bottle or more pee night, has to be at least 14% alcohol. A few years ago was asleep in her Van passed out. Another time I had to hold her down to keep her from hitting me, she hit my ear so bad she blew my eardrum and J was bleeding and didn't hear right for a year.
2nd, she's extremely jealous. If we are at a beach and a good looking woman in a bikini is near, she'll make us move...I have no interest and my wife is gorgeous to me! There are many crazy examples. 3rd, She's horrible with money, she sold her previous house, had about 250000 and burned through it on I don't know what in
About 4 or 5 years. She didnt have insurance on her house for 2 years and the mortgage company found out. I had to get her insurance. She didnt pay her water bill forever, so I had to pay $3000 for it. I pay all our bills, mortgage, food, etc and she has the nerve to always call me cheap. I bought her s $90 pair of sunglasses (which she liked) along with other stuff for Christmas and she found out the glasses were $90 and made me return them to by her a $250 Kate Spade pair. I spent $500 on gifts for our kids and she spent another $2000 on gifts for them without telling me!
Finally, she's had some stress this year from family and she snapped. One day she suddenly was accusing me of everything like having a other instagram account, I showed her it was some other guy. Then she started saying there are cameras all over our house and acting insane saying there are videos of us online. She even took videos in the park of other parents she said were videoing our kids.... I honestly think she is a paranoid schizophrenic. She seemed to get better and couldn't believe she was even hallucinating. She said she'd get help but still hasn't.
The oast 2 weeks she says she wants to split up. I don't know how I still have the strength to try but I still remember the great things about her and I still love her. Am I insane? Should I give up? Seems like I'm the only person willing to try in our relationship. I'm so worried for our two amazing kids. If I knew 100% I'd get custody I'd be a little less scared. But I have no idea how it will work.
It would make sense I would. But I'm sure she'll make up something.

Thanks for letting me tell my crappy story. Not having anyone to talk to has killed me but I needed to let it out. Forgot to say, now she will only text me not talk and locks herself in our room and won't see me. Even spent a couple days at an airbnb.
Not a good way to welcome the new year.

Thanks again.
Well, the good news is that you are only working 30 hours a week but making 6 figures. That's wonderful; your story would be so much worse if you had to be away from home many many hours making minimum wage or were on disability benefits. The bad news is you have tied yourself to a violent alcoholic who will never have enough. The next person you might want to talk to is a lawyer who can explain to you how divorce, custody, and the financial issues surrounding these things work in your area. You can also talk to your wife's doctor --via a phone call, office visit, or through mail, and tell the doctor about your wife's drinking, violence and paranoia. While there may be privacy laws where you live, generally speaking you can tell the doctor anything--even though the doctor may not be able to share with you something private about your wife, the patient. I hope this helps you get started with some conversations that will enable you to straighten things out for the sake of your children and you and your spouse.
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