New- introduction & my story

Hello all!

I am excited to be here and hope that this forum will help me get through this difficult time in my life.

I am 35 years old, my husband who I have been with for 20 years, married 12 and 2 children recently asked for a separation in July of 2019. He moved out of our home in September 2019 and I found out in October 2019 that he has and still is cheating on me with a long distance girlfriend for the past 2 years. I had NO idea.

He has basically told me that he has found his true love, never loved me like he does her and just married me out of convenience. I am definitely at a loss as I deeply love my husband and can't believe that this is happening in my life right now. I have never been so sad, depressed, jealous, angry and upset in my whole life. So, yes in the past 20 years things have not been perfect, weve had our struggles, arguments, stresses etc... but no relationship is perfect and we NEVER dealt with cheating in our relationship in the 20 years until now.

This new girlfriend of his is also married for 12 years to her husband has 2 kids and lives 9 hours away from us. I suspect my husband has met up with her multiple times in the past 2 years because I would let him go on "fishing" trips, alone, out of town frequently. I thought he needed them to get away and destress as he is sorta a homebody and doesn't really have any guy friends. I am very social and would go out at least once a month with my girlfriends and he was good with that so I thought he needed something too. Again, trust was NEVER an issue for us in 20 years, why would I think he would do anything now.

Anyway, I am hoping to get some support and feedback from this forum to help me get through this and hopefully start living happily again. We are not divorced and strangely I actually still really love him and want him back. He unfortunately is done.

Sorry to hear what your going through, it must be really hard to deal with all those emotions at once. I've been through a few cheating relationships, never marriage ones, I can understand some of your pain. I'll help as much as I can.