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Nolongersure
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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 12:29 AM
  #1
Married almost 15 years & Spouse just announced he wants a trial separation. We don’t argue or fight. We have 2 kids ages 7 & 9. I stay home with kids. He works from home with his job. He said it was because he’s hollow inside and overall not happy with his life and thinks he needs space to live without the kids and I to be able to figure himself out. He says he’s never cheated and has no relationships with anyone else.
He says he’s willing to try to save marriage and go to marriage counseling.... but I secretly logged into his iPad and saw that he registered for Tinder and Bumble hours after he only just dropped the trial separation bomb on me. He also set up an appointment to go look at an apartment...... So now I’m paranoid he’s going to sabotage trying to work on our marriage by already registering for these kinds of sites & looking at apartment. HE DOESNT KNOW THAT I KNOW HE SIGNED UP TO THESE SITES AND LOOKED AT AN APARTMENT & he hasn’t told me he has. :-(
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Smile Jan 19, 2020 at 02:57 PM
  #2
Hello Nolongersure: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. Since you have 2 kids the Healthy Parenting forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/healthy-parenting/

And then here are links to a selection of 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

The Male Midlife Crisis

When Men Feel Trapped: A Practical Guide

7 Reasons to Seek Marriage Counseling

Couples and Marriage Counseling

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...uples-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...uples-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-on...-other-doesnt/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/talking...divorce/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/kids-an...-tough-issues/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-a-...onship-crisis/

My best wishes to you & your family. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 12:40 AM
  #3
I think you should tell him that you know he made dating profiles? Why hang on to you if he wants to date?

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Default Feb 24, 2020 at 06:18 PM
  #4
0k I am gonna play th cynic here. This looks like someone who. Wants to try pit his options and keep the saftey net o his marriage. Its the old 'we were on a break.' excuse in the prepping.

8t may be that he doesn't know what he wants, but why are you expected to wait at home twiddling your thumbs waiting for him.
You
Best be sure he knows cheating is still cheating when you are separated. If you are going to go along with this I would be setting out some very strict ground rules,. Especially surrounding the kids, he doesn't just get to walk out on them. Make arrangements for the evenings and weekends he is to have them. He wants to tial a separation then make sure the arrangements are those you would expect if you were separated.
Dont let him treat this like a holiday from the relationship whilst you are desperately trying to figure out how to fix things.
Dont simply allow him to call the shots on this, its your relationship too.
If he has any sense he will attempt marriage counselling first instead of running away.

Really do wish you all the best.
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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 12:59 PM
  #5
So sorry you are dealing with this. My then-wife did this to me after 15 years of marriage. I begged her not to go. Begged her. To me, a separation was just code for divorce. When she left, that was it. I moved on. It was awful. A year later, she called and wanted to get back together. I think it was financial for her. I know it was. I said no.

You have to decide what you think this means. Go with your gut. That's my best advice.

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