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Vegansphynx
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Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: Brooklyn
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Default Jul 27, 2020 at 06:51 AM
  #1
The first thought I had upon waking was the memory of his body lying next to me in bed. There was a perfect spot on his chest where I would lay my head and drape my arm over his chest. Sometimes he’d grab my hand.
And then the black hole of despair hit as my next thought was that there is another woman (albeit the 21 yr old meth addict he cheated and replaced me with) in MY spot. My heart actually aches and sometimes it feels like something has stolen my breath right out of my body. We’ve been separated for 5 years, but because the hope was that he’d work toward sobriety while I’m working on my master’s degree, that we’d be back together. He never did work on anything. He had periods of not using, but was never in recovery. And continued relapsing. But maintained-every day until 12 days ago-that he loves me and wants to work this out. And here I am, devastated, betrayed, treated like the last 15 years of our lives together meant nothing, and I still long for him. It’s awful. And I’m graduating in 3 weeks after this intense 4 yr program. It all seems so pointless now.
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Turtle_Rider
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Default Jul 27, 2020 at 10:28 AM
  #2
Hi Vegansphynx. I saw your post some time ago. Sorry for your condition.

Your master degree is NOT pointless, but he is. You can use your degree to get better career and better life. And him? You have realized that he gave you nothing but pain. He only used you. This separation is your OPPORTUNITY to be free from someone toxic like him. You must use this to build a better life.

Please be kind to yourself, by finding someone who's able to love you back, appreciate you better, and treat you well. I believe you will find it someday, and then you'll be thankful that this separation ever happened.
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NewlyAlone
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Default Jul 31, 2020 at 10:33 PM
  #3
You seem like such a strong, loving woman. You deserve so much better. I'm so proud of you, not even knowing you, that you were able to complete your schooling with all this going on. You are a very strong woman! Don't let this get you down! You have a big heart and a lot of love and patience to wait that long for someone to work on themselves. You deserve more than the leftover pieces of a man who has already devoted himself to drugs the way he should have devoted himself to you. Love and hugs.
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