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BrokenSpartan
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
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3 yr Member
Default Aug 03, 2020 at 11:37 PM
  #1
Hi.......I am new and I am terribly sad. I spent the past year putting a rare form of cancer into remission, while doing so lost my mother in law to a medical nightmare, only to learn that my wife of 25 years wanted a divorce. I never in a million years thought that my life would be like this yet, here I am. I still am struggling with post chemo side effects that take me from having a weak immune system to no immune system at all. Although I have returned to work, I cannot travel due to my immunity and have lost the support of my wife. She was a rock for me thru most of my treatment but, when she lost her mother, watched her change from caring and supportive to cold and distant. Our marriage was not good as relationships go but, we supported one another and were always there for our son. Once my wife’s mother had past, my wife began to soul search and withdrew from me. Thru retrospective review of myself via my counselor I have realized that what led our marriage to derailment ......it was the lack of vulnerability between my wife and I that I believe led us to the point. Not sharing our feelings openly led us to resentment and a lack of empathy for each other. It kills me that I never learned this from my parents. It was not until just the last few months that I have really begun to realize what I wanted in a partner and wife. I still cannot believe that I have lost my wife and will be selling our home. I want to cry because I still love my wife. Unfortunately, my wife does not have anything left to reciprocate. This past year was brutal. How should I feel? I am terribly sad that I was not able to be there for my wife. Our issues predated cancer but, sadly it was the cancer that made me realize what was important. There is a part of me that is angry......and a part of me that is just sad. I am really trying to cope with this but, at a total loss for words.......suggestions are welcome.
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Thanks for this!
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Smile Aug 04, 2020 at 03:15 PM
  #2
Hello BrokenSpartan: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

You may also find the Health Support forum to be of interest:

https://psychcentralforums.com/health-support/

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's the Secret to Recovery

Letting Go and Moving On After a Breakup or Divorce

7 Ways to Beat Depression After a Divorce

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...le-tips/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-help...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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iraqvet75
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: tyler texas
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3 yr Member
Default Aug 07, 2020 at 01:33 AM
  #3
Hi! BrokenSpartan, I am new here too. i jut read your post and felt like I had to reply. I am going through the ending of a relationship too and i can understand how you are feeling I think. I too go from overwhelming sadness to anger to depression. I feel like my emotions are out of control. I made many mistakes to lead my relationship to where it is not too and I spend a lot of time pouring over what I did wrong and how I could have changed before we got here. the only thing that has helped me so far was talking to my psychiatrist. if you don't have one please consider seeing a professional. for me talking to my psychiatrist allowed me to get some control of myself back and while I am still not OK by any means I am so much better than where I was before I talked to her. With the COVID it seems most of it is done over the phone so you don't have to go anywhere. please look into talking to someone professional.
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