Does this sound like my husband is having a midlife crisis?

Last year my husband of 26 years went through a very dark depression. There were days when he struggled to get out of bed. Out of the blue he told me he wanted a divorce. (He now has zero recollection of that). We do not have children. About six months ago he got really dark and told me that he’s asked me for separation twice. He then started saying he feels like he just needs to get away for a week or so to get his head straight. I told him I don’t want him to go but I am not stopping him. He’s been in therapy for over a year now. About three months ago he rented a place in an area where we used to frequently vacation and have talked about moving. He didn’t tell me he was looking. He moved out two months ago. He told me this is not about our marriage, not a divorce, but is just a time for him to heal. I don’t suspect it’s an affair, and he hasn’t got a fancy car. He pretty much just stays in the apartment. He invited me last weekend for a visit. It was really awkward. We got along for the most part. He was loving and we were intimate. While he was extremely angry at me last year during has a depression, I only saw glimmers of that anger. Well we were having breakfast on the last day I was there, he told me to quit my job and move out there with him. On a sidenote, he’s been hyper focused about racism and is on Twitter tweeting about it so much. I am in therapy as well. I’ve asked him to do therapy with me and he told me before he left that living apart is the only was he will do therapy. We have not started. I’m just wondering if this is a midlife crisis or something more. I just don’t know what to do. I am really struggling.

I'm sorry I can't really answer this. It does sound similar to what I understand a mid-life crisis to look like. Here are links to 5 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of the male mid-life crisis:

Marriage and Midlife Crisis:Challenges and Transitions

The Male Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crises Affecting Men and Families

When Men Feel Trapped: A Practical Guide

The Mid-Life Crisis: An Opportunity in Disguise?

Hi @Mbluish I do not know if it is a midlife crisis but it is not ok. If my husband said he needed to get away and live somewhere else or went back and forth about staying with me, I would not stay married.

If my husband moved out I’d file for divorce immediately. And asking you to quit your job? I don’t think so.

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.

If I were you I'd:

1. Stop being intimate with him until your relationship problems have been (hopefully) healed. Otherwise you're a 'friend with benefits' He's either 'in' or 'out' of the relationship: He can't just dabble with your affections when he feels like it. That's not fair on you
and probably leaves you feeling really confused and lost.

2. I'm sorry to say, but with you not living with him, there is no knowing what he is doing/who he may be hanging out with, potentially, when you're not there with him.

3. I would proactively give him one shot at marriage guidance counselling. At the moment it's heart-wrenching for you; you don't know the truth/reality of what's leading to his behaviour. To seek more clarity, a professional marriage guidance counselling session might, at least, shed some light on whether it's potentially depression, cheating, him feeling overwhelmed about some aspect of his life and 'retreating' into his 'shell' or him genuinely not wishing to remain in a partnership anymore. As others have said here, it's difficult to pinpoint what's really going on currently. More information is needed generally...and specifically, by you. Sitting in limbo and/or you feeling you have to go visit him just to get to see him, must be a real strain on you emotionally. I'd arrange a marriage counselling session asap. No guarantees anything will be 'fixed' of course, but at least you may gain knowledge about whether or not he's 'worth' waiting around for, or whether it's time to cut your losses (as upsetting as that may be) and put yourself and your future needs first. Time to explore what's going on proactively.