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VelociraptorKitten
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Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: Keizer
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3 yr Member
Unhappy Oct 02, 2020 at 03:52 AM
  #1
Hello all. I don’t really know how to start this. My ex-wife and I started out as friends; really good friends for a couple years. We were basically inseparable. Then we started dating. We were together for 5 years. She was definitely my most trusted person. We had our ups and downs, mostly related to severe mental illness on both our sides. I don’t need to rehash our the details of the whole ordeal; I’ve done it too many times to count, and it doesn’t help to talk about the divorce and everything that happened and led up to it. Right now, I don’t know how to cope. She was my most trusted person, and without her I feel like I’m drowning. Coping through my mental illness, I always had her. In the divorce, I lost all support for my transition (I’m ftm transgender), all support I had for my mental health, and the only person I’ve ever truly loved. I don’t know how to get through this without her here. I don’t even want to get back together with her; I simply want to talk to her like I used to and not be so alone. The divorce came out of nowhere for me so I am still reeling from the shock. This happened in the beginning of the year. I have completely disassociated from reality, my past/memories, and my identity, I don’t trust anyone anymore, and I have an emotional barrier up to everyone including friends and family. I’ve been hurt so many times, she was the only one I thought would never hurt me. I just don’t know what to do to cope through this. Any advice?
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Yaowen
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Default Oct 02, 2020 at 10:58 PM
  #2
Dear VelociraptorKitten,

Suffering while all alone is so painful. It must be so distressing to be in the situation you describe. I wish I had some wisdom to share, but sadly I am at a loss. Do you think that availing yourself of these Forums, meeting people here who are fellow sufferers and who possess understanding and compassion would be helpful to you? I realize that this would not be ideal but perhaps it would help so you are not so isolated with your pain and so alone. It is frightful to be alone with pain. I have made friends here on the Forums and it has helped me a lot. Do you think such a thing would be helpful to you? I am so very, very sorry you are in such constant distress. It is really heartbreaking!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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sarahsweets
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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 05:27 AM
  #3
Oh man @VelociraptorKitten that is so tough and I am sorry. I get wanting to have that friendship but not being able to. If you are able to take a step back think about now confusing it would be to have to get over the divorce but still be close; it would be really hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VelociraptorKitten View Post
Hello all. I don’t really know how to start this. My ex-wife and I started out as friends; really good friends for a couple years. We were basically inseparable. Then we started dating. We were together for 5 years. She was definitely my most trusted person. We had our ups and downs, mostly related to severe mental illness on both our sides. I don’t need to rehash our the details of the whole ordeal; I’ve done it too many times to count, and it doesn’t help to talk about the divorce and everything that happened and led up to it. Right now, I don’t know how to cope. She was my most trusted person, and without her I feel like I’m drowning. Coping through my mental illness, I always had her. In the divorce, I lost all support for my transition (I’m ftm transgender), all support I had for my mental health, and the only person I’ve ever truly loved. I don’t know how to get through this without her here. I don’t even want to get back together with her; I simply want to talk to her like I used to and not be so alone. The divorce came out of nowhere for me so I am still reeling from the shock. This happened in the beginning of the year. I have completely disassociated from reality, my past/memories, and my identity, I don’t trust anyone anymore, and I have an emotional barrier up to everyone including friends and family. I’ve been hurt so many times, she was the only one I thought would never hurt me. I just don’t know what to do to cope through this. Any advice?

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