How To Deal With Awkwardness

Hello all,

I posted awhile back regarding the emotions surrounding my desire to pursue a divorce from my wife of 7 years. I've known for a long time our marriage was doomed and I finally hired a lawyer. The lawyer will be reaching out to my wife regarding a settlement and getting the negotiations started. I have discussed this with my wife several times and every time she gets extremely angry, says us getting divorced is fine with her, threatens to take our daughter across the country and then, after a few hours, pretends like nothing happened.

I know this is going to be very unpleasant. I was wondering if anyone has tips on dealing with the awkwardness, fury, spitefulness etc. that I expect to result from the ensuing divorce and us having to remain living together for at least awhile. We live in a two bedroom apartment that has been reduced to 1 bedroom because of my wife's hoarding. The apartment belongs to me and my mom - it was purchased a decade before the marriage and is paid off in full. I have another place to go, but I'm afraid to leave because we do not have a custody arrangement and I haven't fully discussed the repercussion of my moving out with the lawyer as of yet. The most basic reason is I am afraid I won't get to see my daughter so I plan on sticking it out, at least for awhile.

Has anyone been through something similar to this? I'm not especially torn up about the marriage ending, it's been horrible for years, but I am dreading being treated with utter contempt on a daily basis and having my daughter see that.

Thanks for any help.

Dear equinox101,

That sounds like such a stressful and distressing situation. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful to you but since I am not married, I feel completely unqualified to offer any kind of advice. Hopefully the members here who have struggled with something similar to what you describe will see your post and kindly offer something really helpful. My heart goes to you and sorry I could not be helpful!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

I Have never been through this but I can tell you that she cant take your child away from you or across the country or even out of state until the divorce and visitation is settled. Even then in most cases a parent has to get permission to leave the state and prove there is no other way to make a living and stay in the same state as the other parent. If she threatens you you need legal advice and to start the process of protecting your right to be in that child's life no matter what happens in the relationship.

First of all, try to adjust to the fact that this will be a difficult period. And to survive it, you have to abstract as much as possible from your wife. This will help to avoid conflicts. Although they will still be.
Try to treat her as a neighbor, not as a wife. Talk to her only on business.
Yes, at first it will be difficult and unusual. But it is necessary in order to save your nerves.
Do not be provoked. If you see a conflict starts, just leave the room.
If possible, spend less time at home.