Asked my husband to get tested for autism... now, he's divorcing me

purpleraven · Nov 18, 2020 at 05:35 AM

I can't begin to explain the layers and complication of this marriage, but at the end of the day I loved him. Now, he's leaving me (for sure, once his mind was made up that was it), and I just feel so depressed. I fought so hard every step of the way while he wasn't being forthright with me about his feelings. No compromises were made. It was either his way or mine in his mind. I'm also experiencing the loss of family and friends as I've been setting more firm boundaries.

Sometimes, it feels so unbearable I just want to die. Has anyone else been dealing with any of this? Especially the aspergers/autistic male leaving the marriage? I never thought he would break his routine like this... makes me feel horrible. Like I did something so dramatically wrong. But all I did was ask him to get tested and see a therapist.

Skeezyks · Nov 18, 2020 at 04:19 PM

Hello purpleraven: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

The situation you are in is not one on which I can comment. However here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Why Your Asperger's-NT Relationship is Failing

Asperger's and Marriage: He's Always Looking for Debate

Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's the Secret to Recovery

When One Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage But the Other Doesn't

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

herbal tea · Nov 20, 2020 at 07:00 AM

It is a pity that such situation happened to you.
Divorce is always very difficult and stressful. And the worst thing is when you realize that your relationship has come to an end.

It seems to me that your request to see a doctor is not a reason for divorce. You've probably had difficulties in the relationship for a long time. And your request simply became a catalyst for your husband to make such a decision. So do not blame yourself, divorce is always the fault of both.

Maybe it will be for the better? I understand that it is difficult for you to realize this now. But time will pass and you will understand that everything happened as it should have happened.

RoxanneToto · Nov 20, 2020 at 08:46 AM

I don’t think divorce is always the fault of both - nobody is a mind reader and sometimes one partner checks out or has their own, more secret life they keep hidden. There are tons of ways a marriage can become one sided and become a losing battle for the spouse who is still invested. It’s really clear that purpleraven did everything she could, so please don’t blame her for his decision to leave. None of us control anyone except ourselves, after all.
OP, I’m really sorry you’re going through this! I can’t give much advice, unfortunately, but I have heard of similar cases where husbands with (suspected) autism refused to get tested/have therapy. Why, I’m not sure, but you’re definitely not alone in this. I’m sorry I can’t be of any more help but I wish you luck in finding the support you need. For what it’s worth I don’t think your request was in any way unreasonable.

sarahsweets · Nov 21, 2020 at 05:40 AM

I feel like there has to be more to this. I cant imagine a request like this is reason for divorce.

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sarahsweets Threadtastic Postaholic Member Since Dec 2018 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!) 5 192 hugs given	Nov 21, 2020 at 05:40 AM #5 I feel like there has to be more to this. I cant imagine a request like this is reason for divorce. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society.
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