[withit]

My pre-adolescent daughter seems to be on her way to developing an eating disorder. She is cutting her food intake because she wants to be 'skinny'. She is not heavy at all, neither is she thin, she is average height and weight.
She stands by the mirror and gets very angry at herself for being 'fat', which she isn't.
I am clueless as to how to help her. I have gone the approach of telling her how beautiful she is on the inside and that she is not fat at all, in fact all her life I have never made an issue about weight and looks.
Next I went with the approach of ignoring her outbursts.
At this point I'm at a loss of how to help her, how to respond to what I consider a 'craziness'.
I have no clue where this stems from, and whether there's a chance this can be reversed.
If anyone can explain this to me and offer some advice I'd very much appreciate it.
Also, is it a feature of a 'compulsive' personality?

[Raindrizzle]

Im sorry to hear about your daughters new development. And I'm more sorry to say that, personally, I don't think there is a reversal to this. My mother did the exact same thing, she always complimented me and encouraged my healthy eating and intense working out but nothing could sink into my head to make me realize it myself. I wish there was some way to stop the mess before it happens. But, I think with faith and hope, you can prevent the level of extremity this can reach. Good luck with everything though!!! I hope for the best with you and your daughter!

[Fifth_Sonata]

I think some aspects of an ED may be labeled as compulsive (like purging or over-exercising), but I personally view them more as a coping mechanism.

Is there some driving force that is causing your daughter to criticize her body in such a way? Is she with friends who are reinforcing her behaviors? Could anyone be making fun of her at school? Or is there something emotional occuring in her life that she doesn't know how to handle?

You're doing the right thing by telling her how beautiful she is. I would actually encourage it to the point of annoyance, because that's probably the only way she's going to get it in her head. If she hears it enough, maybe she'll start believing it.

I would definitely keep a close watch on her eating patterns and any "behaviors." Some of them may be cutting up food in small portions, frequent trips to the bathroom, drinking an abnormally large amount of water with her meals, chewing gum constantly, etc.

While watching out for her, overall I'd strongly tell you to look her straight in the eye everyday, telling her how beautiful she is and how much you love her.

[Maven]

I definitely think you need to consult a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders privately and ask for advice. I wouldn't take her to one just yet, because the anger and stress she might feel might make her react more strongly to her "diet." Get a professional's opinion first.

[desperado]

hello withit

my advice to you is to

a) seek out a therapist for her

b) ask her if she would like to talk about anything that's upsetting/bothering her

c) try to cut out her watching mtv, (vids especially), pop-culture teen mags (ym, teen vogue, seventeen, etc.).............................very difficult to do, however..........

d) emphasize her talents unrelated to body image

e) try not to tell her to eat more..........she may rebel in spite of you saying this

i hope this helps you..................

yes, i think an ed consists of compulsive behaviours (the restricting, the intense exercising, purgeing, etc.) which accompany the obssessive thoughts of being/looking/feeling fat, feeling extremely inadequate, angry, depressed, very insecure....................etc. dunno; just my thoughts.

gd luck.

[lil_bit]

hello withit,
I'm sorry that this problem has come upon you, but as others have said i don't believe it can be entirely reversed. Trying to reduce the severity of the situation or potential situation would be the best course of action (imo).

Regarding what others have said about encouragement, though, my advice is different. I'm an adolescent so perhaps i understand some of where your daughter is right now and in my personal case encouragement only made me want to diet more. Perhaps that's a sort of compulsive behavior in itself: where recieving praise for good qualities only fuels the desire to be even better. I'm not by any means saying don't encourage your daughter, but try to do so with caution. Pay close attention to her reactions (e.g. whether she appears defiant towards the praise or not).
good luck with everything!

[Raindrizzle]

I agree with Lil, be very careful as to what you compliment her on. Saying things such as, you look so skinny in that, you are so tiny, things along the lines of how her body size differs in clothing, try to stay away from that.

Observe her, watch her subconcious actions. Because Just like lil bit, I took those compliments as fuel for the fire. It made me want to lose even more weight. Just be cautious of the things you say and the things you dont say. That might sound weird but, a simple I love you before going to bed or random hugs, things you might not do. You should think about starting

GOOD LUCK!!!