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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,741
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#801
I feel disgusting. I can't stand this. I'm so mad. Why does it exist. Food. can't do this balancing act , it's like some kind of mean trick or something God is playing. Let's create something that is so good, required to have to live, then watch people destroy themselves over it bouncing back and forth between eating too much then restricting because I can't control myself and it gives me back control not eating. When I eat I overdo it and feel like a big piece of lard and hate and want to separate from my body
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Gr3tta_0, LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
6 78 hugs
given |
#802
Mealtime AGAIN. Why so often? Ugh.
A bit more appetite today, probably because I am expecting my period any day now. Gotta go, cook, ugh. Menu plan tomorrow. Absolutely LOATHE it, especially as H wants me to cut the grocery budget. But he won't eat vegetarian, not even a couple times a week, always wants meat. I tell him, look, meat is expensive. Last week, I had to pay over $10 for 3 uncooked chicken breasts. It's hard. Wish I could get by on just my snacky type eating, or weird meal times, though I suppose I still don't get enough calories. Fibro is bad today. I'm having cramps like I will start my cycle any second. Went to a Halloween festival thing with H & daughter, wore me out. Have a sinus headache. Ready for the day to be over...sigh. Update: My period started. Fantastic. Four days early. Why not a 20 day cycle? As if a 23/24 day cycle wasn't bad enough? Lovely. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
eskielover, Gr3tta_0, LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#803
I feel your frustration guys. I'm frustrated with everything today.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird, Gr3tta_0
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Gr3tta_0
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,741
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#804
Sorry about the weird post last night. Hope I didn't offend anyone about getting frustrated with God. I'm Christian, Catholic to be precise, it's just I had some sort of weird breakdown yesterday over ...popcorn, all it was was some popcorn and I started crying all the sudden and freaking out.
I feel better today. After I calmed down I finished reading the maintaining recovery book. I prayed and hung out with my cats, then took my meds and got to sleep early. I don't have anything stressful going on today, I finished an 8 page essay. Relieved about that. Made some coping/affirmation cards. Trying to move forward I hope everyone is doing better today __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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eskielover, LucyD
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Gr3tta_0
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,752
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.6k hugs
given |
#805
Quote:
Those are the kinds of things that are usually underlying our food issues & not the food itself __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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LucyD
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,741
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#806
Quote:
That's true, and I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before , so I'm sure that didn't help __________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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eskielover, LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
6 78 hugs
given |
#807
Down & anxious today. Ran this morning. Too much. Scale showed a heavier weight but I always weigh more during my period.
Period is making me feel horrible today. Can't take anything by Tylenol for the cramps because of that perforated ulcer in Feb. No NSAIDS the rest of my life. Tylenol might as well be candy, the good it does me. Stupid periods are getting worse the older I get, I think. Tired, Fibro hurting. Need to get groceries, but put it off until tomorrow, except a quick run to a nearby grocery store for pasta to go with dinner tonight. Daughter is bored, I don't know what I feel like doing with her. I'm exhausted despite over 9 hr. sleep last night. Makes me feel like I suck as a mom. Been feeling like I might burst into tears any second. Not sure why. I hate myself today __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
Blue_Bird, eskielover, LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#808
Quote:
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#809
Had Taco Bell tonight. I know it was too many calories but just don't want to think about that...lol. Why can't food be an all around enjoyable experience for me? Well, I did enjoy the chalupa.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird, eskielover
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Blue_Bird
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#810
I read a suggestion at a fb weight reduction group I belong to. It said to take the batteries out of the scale. In my case, I think I should and I just did. It took a lot of worry off of me.
Been up all night. Slept late yesterday. Not feeling so good right now. I'll get over it though, as always. __________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird
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eskielover
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#811
at this current moment in time, I have so much candy it's blocking my window
well not really blocking it, but you know what I mean... their's barely much room to reach it to open it |
LucyD
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,752
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.6k hugs
given |
#812
Just keep thinking how much your endocrine system must be suffering with this level of sugar abuse. Hope your MD is checking your blood sugar for diabetis
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
LucyD
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
6 78 hugs
given |
#813
I am OK, I guess . So much anxiety, I ran. Had breakfast, got groceries. Daughter was nasty to me before school, and I don’t think she is going to apologize. Feel like bursting into tears (well, I am on my period too). Picked her up from school, and she was screaming at me signing a form. I am so tired of her acting this way, treating me as if I don’t matter or have feelings.
Sad most of the day. Ate Cheez-Itz around lunchtime. Just feel down and sad. She is making fun of me too when I forget words or my sentences don’t make sense. It’s the meds that do that, and it makes me feel awkward and stupid because in my head, I know exactly what I want to say. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
eskielover, LucyD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#814
Trying to fast for 24 hours for disciplinary reasons-to show myself I have some control. I have less than an hour to go. Going to walk the dog soon. Feeling kind of out of it but still here. My meds. do that to me at times. Taking primidone now for shaking disorder.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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eskielover
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#815
I made it to my 24 hour fast goal and then had a very nutritious dinner of brussel sprouts, mushrooms, nonfat greek yogurt, a few blackberries and a few walnuts, and a thin slice of ham. Sounds like maybe a lot? To me it does but it's all in the food groups we need and not a whole lot of calories when considering we have 3 meals a day or at least that is what my educator told me to have. I feel satisfied and not stuffed but pleasantly full.
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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eskielover
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Blue_Bird
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#816
My weight went up a few pounds from having that Taco Bell stuff the other day. I wish I had a better or faster metabolism, was also 6 feet tall to fit my weight! LOL
Had another nutritious meal of about the same things as yesterday except I didn't have the yogurt and had lowfat cottage cheese instead. I also had some whole wheat toast. Thinking of playing the mega millions lottery tonight but don't feel like going anywhere. Not a very big chance of winning that's for sure. Last night I was thinking of all the things I would do with the money if I won; just dreaming all of that relaxed my upper back which is usually so tense and tight. I guess dreaming and imagining good things can have a good effect. __________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird, eskielover
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,818
9 1,667 hugs
given |
#817
__________________ One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure. William Feather Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird, Gr3tta_0
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,741
(SuperPoster!)
10 14.3k hugs
given |
#818
I feel good about myself today
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Gr3tta_0, LucyD
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Gr3tta_0
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
6 78 hugs
given |
#819
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
6 78 hugs
given |
#820
I'm doing OK. I saw the pdoc today. He did not weigh me. Maybe he thought I looked halfway human? IDK, 5 lb. plus or minus goes a long way with a small frame. I have gained, though probably 5 lb. total over the last month, month & a half.
I've been finding it harder & harder not to exercise. I've run a lot this week, though not today because it was raining this morning and then I had the pdoc appt. Had a strange lack of appetite last week, but am pretty much back to normal this week. Pdoc took me off Wellbutrin; I had been having issues with forgetfulness, which he feels is either caused by the Wellbutrin or the Clonidine. I did have forgetfulness problems on Wellbutrin in grad school though (while not on Clonidine), so that has led him to trying that one first. He upped the Adderall as I am not concentrating well, and apparently was not even paying much attention to his questions he told me when he told me he let me know he was raising the Adderall. Though it could have been bipolar racing thoughts/mania or brain fog from fibro, I think now. But we'll see. I go back to see him in 2 weeks. I have to have him not hit me with a surprise weigh-in then as I know he still would be very unhappy with my BMI should it not change much from now. The holidays are around the corner, and they are so hard for me. There's so much family garbage, weight loss stuff all over women's magazines & the TV, and food is pretty much all over the celebrations. December has not only Christmas, but my daughter's birthday too, which is Dec. 14. Not to mention the tons of singing events her school choir is doing in December. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
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