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Winnie973
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Default Oct 29, 2018 at 10:09 AM
  #1
Hello
I have die gnoses anorexia and have been doing outpatient for 1.5 years. I just reacently statted university. But I still have my same treatment team since my school is only 25 min from home.
I just feel so tired of trying to recover. Constantly trying to challenge my thoughts and restriction makes me feel like crap. I hate myself all the time. I really want to stop, but I can’t because my parents will pull me from college if I do. I just feel like I have no choice to even just take a break. I don’t know what to do anymore.
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Skeezyks
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Smile Oct 30, 2018 at 11:37 PM
  #2
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. And I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to deep peace within. Here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, that talks about what to do when you feel awful about yourself regularly. Perhaps some of the suggestions in this article can be of some help:

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

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Blueberrybook
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Default Oct 31, 2018 at 03:26 PM
  #3
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. You can pull through this. I have had many periods of recovery, or mostly recovery as the ED thoughts still stick, you have to ignore them.

But here I am , stressed again, and all over dealing with ED stuff at 40.

EDs are the worst. I've found unless you really put your mind to recovering, they can do anything in the hospital to make you gain weight, you will be up to your old tricks again once you are out unless you can change your thinking.

It can get better even it later it gets worse, a bit of a cycle for me, my go-to mechanism when life hurts me.

Have you spoken openly to your parents about your feelings? Do you have a therapist you can talk to who would maybe help mediate a conversation between you & your parents?

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Default Oct 31, 2018 at 05:05 PM
  #4
Sorry things are so hard for you now. When I feel that way I try to do something I enjoy doing like going out to some kind of event or movie. I hope things get better for you.

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Winnie973
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Default Oct 31, 2018 at 08:15 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. You can pull through this. I have had many periods of recovery, or mostly recovery as the ED thoughts still stick, you have to ignore them.

But here I am , stressed again, and all over dealing with ED stuff at 40.

EDs are the worst. I've found unless you really put your mind to recovering, they can do anything in the hospital to make you gain weight, you will be up to your old tricks again once you are out unless you can change your thinking.

It can get better even it later it gets worse, a bit of a cycle for me, my go-to mechanism when life hurts me.

Have you spoken openly to your parents about your feelings? Do you have a therapist you can talk to who would maybe help mediate a conversation between you & your parents?
______________________________________________________________
I have kind of hinted to my parents about my feelings, but i am afraid that they will just pull me out of school and send me to inpatient. I have told my therapist about how i feel, but i don't think she understands how done i actually feel. I could try to make her really understand and see what she thinks I should do. Thanks for your advice!
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eskielover
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Default Nov 02, 2018 at 05:53 PM
  #6
Hmmmm, I know when my anorexia got really bad I always ended up in the medical hospital with a central line & IV nutrition.

So you are afraid of being pulled out of school & put inpatient while at the same time you are choosing to feel done which is going to only land you in the same place. Sometimes our priorities need to be the overlying concerns.

When I left my bad marriage & moved to the farm I bought after my mom died of cancer & had just gotten out of the medical hospital & was still at an unhealthy weight. Having to take care of my farm & my dogs, I couldn't afford to not eat & pass out because there was no one around if I did. Stress still made me lose my appetite but knowing that I was responsible for my own life & the lives of all my critters.....somehow the priority of being responsibe won over not eating & gettkng caught up in that downward spiral again.

I am careful with my weight but not to the point if letting the ED (not my ED) win again.

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