most of my time's been taken up exploring my new amazon alexa (which can also explain why I've not been here as much). I love it, my friend sophie sent it to me and so far I'm really enjoying it

I also got some new red lipstick this week. it's a really brite red and looks really nice on me.

I've had a low appetite this week because.. well, I don't know. I just have. maybe it's just because my days are so dull and depressing, or maybe it's because my cooking is just geting worse (I actually vote the latter)

I've also not been sleeping, but that's not really news

[Blue_Bird]

Possible trigger:

I'm mad at myself and feel disgusted by my body

I feel out of control

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Possible trigger:

I'm mad at myself and feel disgusted by my body

I feel out of control

I'm so sorry. I think we have all been there, unfortunately

[Blueberrybook]

Beating myself up over eating a Lindt truffle...I really wish this stupid ED would go away for good.

Do any of you feel like even if you recover from your ED or have had periods of recovery, you'll never get rid of ED thoughts completely?

I've had times when I've had ED thoughts less or not acted on them, but they have never gone away completely. Not even close. I'm starting to feel like they never will even if I recover outwardly and don't ever act on them again. It's been over 20 years with this thing (I'm 41 now), and the ED thoughts are as intrusive as ever. Worse now as I'm in a bit of a relapse.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm so sorry. I think we have all been there, unfortunately

Thanks, yeah, it sucks I ended up sketching a picture, I enjoy doing art so it helped relax me and kept me from doing something stupid I'd regret later

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Beating myself up over eating a Lindt truffle...I really wish this stupid ED would go away for good.


Do any of you feel like even if you recover from your ED or have had periods of recovery, you'll never get rid of ED thoughts completely?


I've had times when I've had ED thoughts less or not acted on them, but they have never gone away completely. Not even close. I'm starting to feel like they never will even if I recover outwardly and don't ever act on them again. It's been over 20 years with this thing (I'm 41 now), and the ED thoughts are as intrusive as ever. Worse now as I'm in a bit of a relapse.

Yes, I feel like this often. What helps me is to replace them with more realistic, positive/counter thoughts. If I let them run wild they consume me and become so ingrained it's hard to get rid of them. I don't know if they'll ever go away, I hope they do. I know never having another ED thought isn't realistic, because we're human and thoughts always stray towards temptation sometimes but I think the main thing is to keep not acting on them and countering with good thoughts

[Gr3tta_0]

1. I love cartoons, and always will. 😊
2. I also avoid #7. (Probably enough said &#128523

I have had so much stomach pain lately, about the only thing i can tolerate is boiled vegetables. 😣 I don't think this is in my head, it's real. I have resisted the scale because I don't want any muddying of the waters.
Hope all are well.
...and not in -20°F temps like me!!!

[LucyD]

Seriously thinking of putting my scale out in the garage in the trunk of my car. I doubt if I'll use it then. I feel better when I weight myself less. Been starting to weigh every day and feeling obsessive about it.

Generally feel down but not distraught. I feel like I should be bullet-proof but I'm not. I have been having thoughts of getting drunk, eating a lot of junk, too. It won't change my life but will hurt my health.

I hope you all have a productive weekend.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Seriously thinking of putting my scale out in the garage in the trunk of my car. I doubt if I'll use it then. I feel better when I weight myself less. Been starting to weigh every day and feeling obsessive about it.

Generally feel down but not distraught. I feel like I should be bullet-proof but I'm not. I have been having thoughts of getting drunk, eating a lot of junk, too. It won't change my life but will hurt my health.

I hope you all have a productive weekend.

I hope you feel better

I have the same problem with the scale. I have it sitting in my kitchen, which is really ridiculous. I go back and forth between obsessively weighing then being terrified of getting on it when I think I've gained

[Blue_Bird]

I was very mad this morning at myself and felt like crap. So I decided to counter all the ED thoughts. I have been somewhat passive about recovering because there's a small part of me that still wants to get to that "perfect weight". So anything negative that came into my mind I said something to counter it and positive things. I've dealt with this for half my life. since 12, I'm 24. The thoughts have been there since 12 because even though I wasn't overweight at all a family member, my brother, called me all kinds of names and told me I was disgusting and fat,..etc constantly for months and I started hating myself and believing I was. He wasn't joking, and it wasn't like he was a kid and didn't know better, he was like 20 years old then.

I'm not blaming it on him, he didn't "cause" the eating disorder but it definitely didn't help and I started calling myself those things ever since then, for the past 12 years, it's just so ingrained and I have to stop it.

today it has been snowing all day- and it's been really nice (I love the snow)

I've been having some greif with my alexa and that's been making a little depressed/ angry (actually I want some stuff I can't have because I don't have a phone that supports the alexa app).
I struggle with that, because for me when it comes to owning something, it's using it for all it's intended purposes, or nothing at all
I had takeout pizza today which was nice (even though it was filling, too filling for me)

no sleep last night. partly because of the imsomnia but also it was too hot. heating was turned up way too loud.

seems this weather has 1 drawback

you either are too cold or too hot

their's no in between

[may24]

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and I'm struggling with the urge to binge and purge quite frequently ...
I went to the grocery store today and I was about to buy binge food, but then I put it back... so that's good.
There's a lot going on in my family right now and I feel like I can't relax.
Also, I've been touching certain topics in therapy recently that I had been avoiding for a very long time. I think this is something that is gonna help me in the long term, but right now it's making me feel quite unstable and making it harder to cope with ED thoughts.

[Albatross2008]

Happy with my meal choices so far today.

Having trouble getting myself to drink enough water. Not drinking any other liquids, only water. I'm shooting for 4 16-ounce bottles a day, but can only manage 1 or 2.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I was very mad this morning at myself and felt like crap. So I decided to counter all the ED thoughts. I have been somewhat passive about recovering because there's a small part of me that still wants to get to that "perfect weight". So anything negative that came into my mind I said something to counter it and positive things. I've dealt with this for half my life. since 12, I'm 24. The thoughts have been there since 12 because even though I wasn't overweight at all a family member, my brother, called me all kinds of names and told me I was disgusting and fat,..etc constantly for months and I started hating myself and believing I was. He wasn't joking, and it wasn't like he was a kid and didn't know better, he was like 20 years old then.

I'm not blaming it on him, he didn't "cause" the eating disorder but it definitely didn't help and I started calling myself those things ever since then, for the past 12 years, it's just so ingrained and I have to stop it.

That's terrible. Mine is the standard ED formula - sucky childhood: sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, zero approval from my father, perfectistic, straight A student (graduated valedictorian though my class was small - 109 students). I did get straight A's & 1 B (Physics II was a killer) in a large college in Microbiology, a major that weeds out many pre-med students. ED started when I was 18, and I'm 41 and still have it. I have lived more years with the stupid ED than without it and even more if you consider I had low self-esteem & negative thoughts about my weight all through high school.

Sometimes, I have brief periods of sort of recovery, but when life's problems add up, I turn to the ED like it's an old friend.

Even though, skinny is never skinny enough, reach a goal, go lower, and I would never, never go back to my lowest weight. It wasn't even living a life at all though I fantasize at all the bones that showed then, how tiny I was, but the truth is, my life (if you can even call it that) sucked so bad at that weight, why would I even think any part of it was good or want it back?! It baffles the mind.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I hope you feel better

I have the same problem with the scale. I have it sitting in my kitchen, which is really ridiculous. I go back and forth between obsessively weighing then being terrified of getting on it when I think I've gained

I think I'm going to put it in the trunk of my car out in the garage. I weigh myself with just my underwear and I won't take off my clothes in the garage where others could see me. LOL. It's an apt. complex garage. I know what you mean about being scared to weigh. My problem is that my weight loss is so slow it drives me crazy. I want to weigh less every time I weigh but it does not happen for long periods of time. I don't exercise. I will start physical therapy in 5 days and maybe that will get me to exercise again.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Arbie

Happy with my meal choices so far today.

Having trouble getting myself to drink enough water. Not drinking any other liquids, only water. I'm shooting for 4 16-ounce bottles a day, but can only manage 1 or 2.

Sounds like you are taking good care of you. I drink water with real lemon squeezed into it and then I put the pieces of lemon in the water. It's good for detoxing the liver. Some people put fruit in their water to help it taste more like they want it. I don't think I get enough water either. I drink about 4 16 oz glasses a day but sometimes less. I forget about it, too.

[Gr3tta_0]

I'm going to make another huge batch of veggie soup over the weekend. Add in some white beans for protein. Hopefully hit the reset button on my tummy et all.
Ready for the stupid snow to melt!!

[LucyD]

I took that damn scale and put it out in the garage in the trunk of my car. Tired of being petrified of it! Now I can breathe again.

[MickeyCheeky]

I hope you're all doing ok. You can do this! You're all strong, I know that. I believe in you. Sending many hugs to everyone

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I hope you're all doing ok. You can do this! You're all strong, I know that. I believe in you. Sending many hugs to everyone

Thank you MC! Doing okay here, just tired some.