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Old 12-06-2018, 02:51 PM #241
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Tired today. Issues with refrigerator. If it stops running one more time, I think I will lose it. I vacuumed off the coils the best I could lying on my stomach (coils in the very back of course). At one point, I got my forearm stuck, panicked because it took awhile to get it out. If my arms were skinnier, but if they were skinnier, I'd start looking grotesque, and I do not want that look.

Ran a ton this morning, why I keep doing this, I don't know. Weighed the same as yesterday. Period is expected tomorrow. Probably going to get it soon as I woke up super nauseous this morning. That and back pain are usually the signs. Was tired running too but had tons of energy yesterday, and that tends to be the way my cycle works, lots of energy the day before AF and then no energy the day of.

Had lunch late in light of refrigerator problems. Going to have to tell H this refrigerator problem seems like it might not wait until Christmas vacation for him to fix. H is a teacher, so he gets off 2 weeks for Christmas.

Daughter has a birthday party Saturday, the house is a mess, I cut my thumb (minor but it's annoying under the refrigerator). I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep.
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Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 12-06-2018, 09:38 PM #242
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Been examining my thoughts related to food today. I realize that I think I shouldn't eat or eat very little or if do I feel doubtful about myself. Why don't I have the right to eat? I have been called names for being overweight. Those thoughts haunt me. Why should I care what mean people say anyways?! I have been called "pig", "cow", "fat *****", and then there were the names my siblings called me when I was just a bit chubby as a near teenager. I don't think anyone should be made fun of for how they look. There was a time when women were rubenesque and it was thought to be a good thing. They were called voluptuous. There were great paintings done of them that were famous. Well, those are my thoughts today.
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Old 12-06-2018, 10:09 PM #243
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Default Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Had kind of a weird day. I slept in really late. Then my water pressure was messed up, I guess they worked on it though because it started working again in the afternoon. Then my laptop I just bought a month ago for $600 decided it's keyboard would suddenly not respond to anything. So I was very aggravated and messing with that took up a lot of my day. It's currently in the process of a factory reset, maybe that will help. I had to step away from it for awhile because I was getting really upset. It's not even so much about the computer as it is that I hardly ever have money to spend on nice things for myself and I invested quite a bit on it. Plus I needed needed a better quality laptop for some of my college classes. I know it's not the highest end but I like it.

Anyway, I somewhat overate earlier due to stress then got the urge to go back to restricting. But I was reading that book I bought recently and the chapter I was on was all in detail about medical complications associated with EDs and I already have messed up teeth and have sIlent GERD from purging, as frustrating as that is, I feel lucky for escaping the more serious and life threatening issues. I don't want to mess with my body anymore. I just want to be a healthy person and enjoy life.

I'm trying to find meaning beyond weight numbers and how I look. Being involved in my faith more , etc.

I wanted to purge so badly, but I couldn't do it. I can't risk it, it's too much of a gamble. the horrible medical emergencies that can result from it aren't worth it. So instead, I read for awhile. Then I watched Frosty the Snowman and Frosty Returns
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Old 12-06-2018, 11:02 PM #244
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Had kind of a weird day. I slept in really late. Then my water pressure was messed up, I guess they worked on it though because it started working again in the afternoon. Then my laptop I just bought a month ago for $600 decided it's keyboard would suddenly not respond to anything. So I was very aggravated and messing with that took up a lot of my day. It's currently in the process of a factory reset, maybe that will help. I had to step away from it for awhile because I was getting really upset. It's not even so much about the computer as it is that I hardly ever have money to spend on nice things for myself and I invested quite a bit on it. Plus I needed needed a better quality laptop for some of my college classes. I know it's not the highest end but I like it.

Anyway, I somewhat overate earlier due to stress then got the urge to go back to restricting. But I was reading that book I bought recently and the chapter I was on was all in detail about medical complications associated with EDs and I already have messed up teeth and have sIlent GERD from purging, as frustrating as that is, I feel lucky for escaping the more serious and life threatening issues. I don't want to mess with my body anymore. I just want to be a healthy person and enjoy life.

I'm trying to find meaning beyond weight numbers and how I look. Being involved in my faith more , etc.

I wanted to purge so badly, but I couldn't do it. I can't risk it, it's too much of a gamble. the horrible medical emergencies that can result from it aren't worth it. So instead, I read for awhile. Then I watched Frosty the Snowman and Frosty Returns
So sorry about your computer. That can be so frustrating. That's great you resisted the urge to purge. I used to do it, too. Finding meaning beyond weight numbers is a great thing to get into.
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Old 12-06-2018, 11:03 PM #245
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
Tired today. Issues with refrigerator. If it stops running one more time, I think I will lose it. I vacuumed off the coils the best I could lying on my stomach (coils in the very back of course). At one point, I got my forearm stuck, panicked because it took awhile to get it out. If my arms were skinnier, but if they were skinnier, I'd start looking grotesque, and I do not want that look.

Ran a ton this morning, why I keep doing this, I don't know. Weighed the same as yesterday. Period is expected tomorrow. Probably going to get it soon as I woke up super nauseous this morning. That and back pain are usually the signs. Was tired running too but had tons of energy yesterday, and that tends to be the way my cycle works, lots of energy the day before AF and then no energy the day of.

Had lunch late in light of refrigerator problems. Going to have to tell H this refrigerator problem seems like it might not wait until Christmas vacation for him to fix. H is a teacher, so he gets off 2 weeks for Christmas.

Daughter has a birthday party Saturday, the house is a mess, I cut my thumb (minor but it's annoying under the refrigerator). I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep.
Some days sleeping is the best thing to do IMO. Hope you get your frig fixed.
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William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-2 mg.daily, Propranolol-10 mg. daily, Gabapentin-900 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., Women's One A Day Vitamins, 1 Potassium tablet
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Old 12-07-2018, 12:04 PM #246
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Woke up very queasy this morning, nearly threw up. Not sure if it is the 100 mg increase in Seroquel or hormones (due to start my period today or tomorrow). Did manage some exercise today, less than yesterday, but better I stopped, it was still too much. I think not only do I run for ED reasons, it's compulsive now, I'm anxious if I can't run.

Frig. is off & on. Hope it makes it through the weekend. We really don't need this emergency, especially now. My daughter is having a birthday party here tomorrow. 7 pre-teen girls, fun Well, they are nice and good friends of hers, which is great because she would not play with other kids until the end of kindergarten. I worried she might have Aspergers (pretty sure my father does). The pediatrician does think she has sensory processing disorder, but we don't have money for a diagnosis or occupational therapy. She's super smart in all her subjects, especially math, but nearly all her senses are affected. Food has to be separated. She won't wear pants or shorts, saying they are too tight around the waist; if they are comfortable around the waist, they fall off her hips. Luckily, we live in an area where winter is mild; sometimes we have no freezes, usually 1 or 2 that are gone the next day, snow flurries, every 10 years or so. She hates loud noises (bathroom hand blow dryers, vacuum cleaner, blender, etc.). There are lots of other issues too, but that's just a general idea.

Anyone here a parent and worried about passing on ED habits to your child? I am, at least as far as looks; my daughter has already asked why I am so skinny; I've just told her I run a lot. Hopefully, it will not affect her body image, but then again, her personality is eccentric and eclectic, not always easy to parent but very strong in all her beliefs & feelings and not influenced by popular opinions. She has 5 cousins who pretty much were/are the same at development in every stage, but my daughter is completely different from her cousins (2 sets - 2 boys, 3 girls). I'd never wish an ED on anyone, and especially not my child.
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Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 12-07-2018, 01:46 PM #247
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Sliced pickles for breakfast/lunch. What a joke. I shouldn't have fed the dog my leftovers! LOL! Cuz now I'm hungry. And I sure know I will not cook for myself. No way.
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Old 12-07-2018, 03:21 PM #248
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

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Sliced pickles for breakfast/lunch. What a joke. I shouldn't have fed the dog my leftovers! LOL! Cuz now I'm hungry. And I sure know I will not cook for myself. No way.
You need to eat more. Not eating enough slows your metabolism even if you exercise, not that you need to lose weight. Pickles do not make a meal. Unless you are at a high school football game in Texas 😂
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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 12-07-2018, 03:23 PM #249
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Managed most of a bowl of minestrone with crackers for lunch with Greek yogurt. Took a nap. Woke up still feeling yuck.
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Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 12-07-2018, 04:47 PM #250
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

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Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
Managed most of a bowl of minestrone with crackers for lunch with Greek yogurt. Took a nap. Woke up still feeling yuck.
Soup is SO great for nutrients. And very delicious & filling. But I sure don't want to cook a batch of any Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2 I hope u feel better Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
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