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Default Dec 10, 2018 at 08:45 AM
  #261
I haven't eaten this morning, but I did eat a very good dinner last night.
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Default Dec 10, 2018 at 04:16 PM
  #262
Oh, ick, I had an encounter with a creepy guy with lousy come-ons while out buying light bulbs. I know I can't be the only one here with a background of abuse - physical, verbal, sexual. Some of his remarks...ugh. He said things to me like, "You've got a great body." I was still in my workout clothes, tightish black pants, a bright yellow long-sleeved workout top; top was pretty loose not at all revealing. (Thank God I hadn't taken the workout top off before entering the store in only my tank top & sports bra; I'd been thinking about it as it had warmed up, and I was getting hot because my list of errands today was gigantic. The tank top is very fitted.) It's not every day I buy lightbulbs, so I was unfamiliar with the section, had to hunt it over to find what I needed. He said stuff like, "You must work out." Well, duh, I was in workout clothes. Then, "I really enjoy seeing such a nice body." Creep factor explosion! He goes away a bit then comes back and starts up again. "Wow, you look amazing. Your body is so wonderful to see." Ick, ick, ick.
Possible trigger:


Thank God he goes & checks out. I watched from the store doors & windows to see him get in a car and drive away. As it happened, there was a police car in the parking lot when I left the store; it looked like some unlucky driver was getting a traffic ticket.

But ugh, creepy! I know I wasn't wearing my wedding rings. I never wear them when I work out because my fingers often swell when I exercise. In light of all the famous men getting in trouble over things like this and more, the metoo movement, what makes a man feel this is completely appropriate to say to a woman he's only just seen for the first time and doesn't know at all?! It's it's a compliment, he needs to work on his social skills, and as a come on, it's just creepy. I didn't look him in the eyes even once. If I could take half a dozen showers without wasting water, I would.
Possible trigger:
Nearly like a transport back in time I didn't need or want. I can't say this creepy uncle is 100% responsible for my ED, but oh, yeah, I definitely put some of the blame on him.

Jump back to the undramatic present...need to get back to my lunch and fun stuff like doing the laundry.

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Default Dec 11, 2018 at 01:05 PM
  #263
Oops wrong thread...

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Default Dec 11, 2018 at 03:15 PM
  #264
Got a few gifts for my daughter and a Christmas meal bag (no meat, but a gift card to a local grocery store) from the church next to her elementary school. The school counselor gave the names of children whose families are in financial distress to the church, and then, if you agreed, you got to go pick out gifts for your child for free as well as the pre-bagged meal. Everything helps at this point. Our finances are in shreds. Though it is getting hard to know just what to even get my daughter. She's not yet a teenager, but she has outgrown most toys. She turns 11 on Friday, which is another added financial stressor, on top of our family Christmas, where we give each of her cousins a gift, and she has 5 cousins.

Did good foodwise today. Had breakfast. Used a gift card to get a mocha (with the whipped cream on top) at Starbucks and a tomato & mozzarella panini for lunch and had all of it. I am needing the calories. I am constantly cold these days. Yes, while today started out near 40 degrees, it's 60 degrees outside now. I'm inside, have the thermostat on 75 degrees and am very cold (though our house was built in the 1960s so it is not insulated as well as newer houses).

Money worries are eating at me though. Especially with my daughter's birthday, the cousins' Christmas gifts, actual Christmas for my daughter. And she outgrew all her sweaters, jackets, and her coat. She actually can wear my coat even though it is somewhat baggy on her (she's very tall), but that then leaves me without a coat. Clothes are so expensive. I never have luck finding stuff her size at Goodwill though maybe now that she fits into juniors size clothing (which they heap in with adult women's clothes), maybe I can find something. I'm doubtful on the coat though. It gets cold enough here that you want a coat, especially for night and early morning, sometimes it freezes or we get snow flurries, but it is not like you need the coat daily during winter either. So buying one is a hassle. Stores will have a few, but not a ton. If you're an adult, your winter coat doesn't get a ton of wear. My coat is at least 7 or 8 years old and possibly even 10 years or older. Coats are expensive. Not the pricey stuff but something of good enough quality that it will last longer than a year and not shrink in the wash or something. Now, I've got the added burden of having to get my daughter a coat or go without one myself. Having no money just really sucks. I'm pretty depressed about that, especially at this time of year.

I have a T appointment in 15 minutes. I need to get ready to go. Luckily, it only takes 5 minutes to drive there.

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Default Dec 12, 2018 at 10:40 AM
  #265
How is everyone today?

I'm doing pretty well. I've been eating healthier. Sauteed vegetables yesterday and they were really good! Yellow squash, green bell pepper, and onions.

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Default Dec 12, 2018 at 06:19 PM
  #266
Doing OK. I had a laid back day, watched a show on the DVR then read a lot as well as snacked a lot too. My stomach is a bit off now. I think I ate too much at once. I have noticed since I've had that ulcer surgery, I can go from full to uncomfortably full very quickly. I don't doubt I needed the calories. I have been very bad at overexercising lately. We usually have dinner at 5, 5:30 (otherwise my daughter is super hungry), but I'm going to delay until 6 today, see if my appetite recovers.

Still feeling a bit up, not completely manic though and depressed at times, so probably this means, yay!, the bipolar is still mixed.

How is everyone else?

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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 03:14 PM
  #267
My running shoes died today Had to get a new pair. Spent much less $ on a brand I'd never heard of before, but the shoes felt comfortable enough in the store.

My stomach is very upset, and I think it has to do with the fact that I ate a high protein bar (most of the protein from whey) before going to shop for shoes. Whey protein did mess with me a little in the past (when I was weight training, I drank it every day I weight lifted), but not too bad. However, this is the 2nd time I've had this happen after consuming high whey food post ulcer surgery. I am thinking now I cannot eat/drink things with a lot of whey as now it makes me feel ill and physically uncomfortable. Still, I can drink milk OK or eat yogurt fine. I am thinking it is the high amount of the whey that causes me to have issues. So I still haven't had lunch after 2 PM because my stomach is all upset and gassy and feels overfull. My luck I am digesting this exercise bar super slow too.

How is everyone doing? The board has been quite lately.

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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 05:16 PM
  #268
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My running shoes died today Had to get a new pair. Spent much less $ on a brand I'd never heard of before, but the shoes felt comfortable enough in the store.

My stomach is very upset, and I think it has to do with the fact that I ate a high protein bar (most of the protein from whey) before going to shop for shoes. Whey protein did mess with me a little in the past (when I was weight training, I drank it every day I weight lifted), but not too bad. However, this is the 2nd time I've had this happen after consuming high whey food post ulcer surgery. I am thinking now I cannot eat/drink things with a lot of whey as now it makes me feel ill and physically uncomfortable. Still, I can drink milk OK or eat yogurt fine. I am thinking it is the high amount of the whey that causes me to have issues. So I still haven't had lunch after 2 PM because my stomach is all upset and gassy and feels overfull. My luck I am digesting this exercise bar super slow too.

How is everyone doing? The board has been quite lately.
I hope you feel better

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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 05:23 PM
  #269
I'm doing well. Today was the last day of classes for the fall semester. I just have to go in next week to take a final exam in my Intro to Social Work class, should be no problem.

Saw my therapist, she's going to update my doctor on my voices and psychotic symptoms to see if there's a weight neutral AP I can take, or one I can take PRN. I hate the term "psychotic" It just has such a negative connotation. So does anything with Schiz in it. My dx is Schizoaffective bipolar. It's great how people are so much more open about depression and anxiety nowadays but there's still a looooong way to go.

Anyway, in regard to the eating disorder, I'm doing pretty good. I have been cooking more and am able to keep away from restricting or bingeing. I see the nutritionist my psychiatrist referred me to next week. That should be interesting.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 12:01 AM
  #270
Hi all 😊
Coat advice - if you don't expect it to get too dirty too often, invest in a great quality on sale, or used/goodwill, that requires dry cleaning. For regular wear, this is a deal breaker for me! But for a nice sale coat - worth it! Never wash it, just wipe off the occasional splash or drip, dry clean once per year, and have them repair any pesky buttons/zippers/minor tears while they're at it. If kids are still growing, try buying a size up. For grown-ups, one could last you decades. Good luck!
My eating is horrible. I am so riddled with anxiety i feel paralyzed. I buzz around doing a million things, but i accomplish zero. Which makes me more anxious. I am horribly depressed. I don't know how or why to care about much. But if that # is smaller, small win! 30 second euphoria!
And now we return to the dull black, with occasional sharp intervals.
.
Yea, I'm real cheerful, sorry.
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Default Dec 16, 2018 at 08:18 PM
  #271
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Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0 View Post
Hi all 😊
Coat advice - if you don't expect it to get too dirty too often, invest in a great quality on sale, or used/goodwill, that requires dry cleaning. For regular wear, this is a deal breaker for me! But for a nice sale coat - worth it! Never wash it, just wipe off the occasional splash or drip, dry clean once per year, and have them repair any pesky buttons/zippers/minor tears while they're at it. If kids are still growing, try buying a size up. For grown-ups, one could last you decades. Good luck!
My eating is horrible. I am so riddled with anxiety i feel paralyzed. I buzz around doing a million things, but i accomplish zero. Which makes me more anxious. I am horribly depressed. I don't know how or why to care about much. But if that # is smaller, small win! 30 second euphoria!
And now we return to the dull black, with occasional sharp intervals.
.
Yea, I'm real cheerful, sorry.
I'm sorry you're struggling Gr3tta I hope things get better for you. I understand the doing a million things but accomplishing nothing, that happens to me a lot when I get really anxious.

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Default Dec 16, 2018 at 08:19 PM
  #272
I'm actually doing well. I ordered takeout and didn't binge. I don't even seem to have the desire to binge anymore. It's strange, very nice though. Like someone turned off the switch. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, I don't go overboard at all. And I haven't been restricting. Even when I feel like it I've been making myself eat

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Default Dec 16, 2018 at 08:25 PM
  #273
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I'm actually doing well. I ordered takeout and didn't binge. I don't even seem to have the desire to binge anymore. It's strange, very nice though. Like someone turned off the switch. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, I don't go overboard at all. And I haven't been restricting. Even when I feel like it I've been making myself eat
I am glad to hear you are doing so well. That is awesome!

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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Default Dec 16, 2018 at 08:31 PM
  #274
The ED is bothering me tonight since I did not exercise today. Ugh, why do we tie our self worth to a stupid number on the scale? And it’s never low enough for the stupid ED. I have been hovering around the same weight awhile, wanting to lose more sometimes, but not daring to. Pdoc and H would be in a fit, so that at least keeps me at a weight that is not dangerously low even though if I lived alone, I know I would just give in fully to the ED. I am lucky I that this time around, I don’t restrict, maybe I will say no to dessert some nights, maybe not. But the over exercise is the killer! I already can’t wait to get out tomorrow and run.

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Default Dec 17, 2018 at 06:16 PM
  #275
Less exercise than I wanted today due to my daughter feeling ill over the weekend. I didn't want the school to call and not be able to her her up right away. Since I've broken 4 or 5 cell phones in walking/running falls exercising, I no longer carrying a phone with cell service while jogging, it just plays music and has a super cracked screen. I suppose it might have the ability to call 911 in a pinch as cell signal tends to be good in the area I run in.

Quiet here lately...

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Default Dec 17, 2018 at 09:15 PM
  #276
Posted about this in the bipolar section, but OMG, H finally got a new job he's applied to. He will be a 1 yr. visiting professor in industrial engineering. He was told the visiting professorship is usually the door in to the tenure track at this university. Fingers crossed...it is a long commute, but there is a chance he may be able to work from home some days, especially as this university is really pushing online courses, and it doesn't matter where you if you teach online so long as you are getting the work done.

Big changes coming for us. He will start in the spring semester, so in January. Don't know any details about healthcare too much else. H will get a substantial pay raise. We will not be rich, but hopefully, if a car breaks down, we can fix it, same with the air conditioning or another major appliance, be able to eat out at more than McDonalds for birthdays and anniversaries, maybe actually go to a museum or a night hike at the local bayou nature preserve.

We have not had good news in a long, long time. I so hope tings will go well for us.

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Default Dec 19, 2018 at 10:41 PM
  #277
Congratulations for your good news Blueberrybook! That's wonderful!

I'm having some health problems that are leaving me with no appetite, but it is truly physical and not mental. I haven't been on the scale except at the Dr and i didn't look. Looked firmly at the wall instead. Trying to focus on what really matters to me. Easier said than done, always.
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Default Dec 20, 2018 at 05:57 AM
  #278
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Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0 View Post
Congratulations for your good news Blueberrybook! That's wonderful!

I'm having some health problems that are leaving me with no appetite, but it is truly physical and not mental. I haven't been on the scale except at the Dr and i didn't look. Looked firmly at the wall instead. Trying to focus on what really matters to me. Easier said than done, always.
Sorry about the health issues. I had that too in the late winter/early spring when I had that perforated ulcer. After surgery, everything except water tasted wrong. Thankfully, I can now eat most foods again except very greasy food and foods that are high protein using whey to up the protein (like protein bars and shakes). It's the whey that's the problem. It messed with me a little before I had the ulcer issue, but now, it's beyond awful. See the GI doc again the day after Christmas and then hopefully not again for a long while.

No exercise today which is already leaving me anxious. I have to mail off H's new professor contract when the post office opens then go to my daughter's school to help with the Christmas party. I wish I hadn't told the room mom I'd help, but then yesterday she texted me saying she was having a panic moment and hoped I could still help. I think a lot of parents who told her they could help backed out at the least minute. She has been room mom for my daughter's class since kindergarten, and now that our girls are in 5th grade, it's unusual for her to be worrying about the Christmas party. (Our daughters are in a dual language program, which only has 2 sections, so those 2 classes combine & mix a little but not with the rest of their grade. However, every year, both our daughters have been in the same section.) I think the room mom is also co-room mom for her son, who is younger, maybe first grade, something like that. At least, this year the school is doing early releases again; last year, they did not. So that means the party ends at noon when school is dismissed. I can make 9 to noon, probably closer to 9:30 to noon due to the post office stop.

H & I have not finished Christmas shopping for our daughter yet either. And I have an extended family Christmas on Saturday. We only give gifts to the kids, but my daughter has 5 cousins between my 2 sisters. It's expensive. H will have better pay once he is teaching at university level, but he is still on high school teacher pay, and money is tight, especially since my daughter had a birthday earlier this month.

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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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Default Dec 20, 2018 at 04:31 PM
  #279
I'm not sure how to feel about this, when I was talking about my christmas day dinner to someone and was saying I was going to have 8 sausages, they replied to me- well... wouldn't it be easier with 4?

I'm not sure if that was a comment about my weight (that's how it felt), or if it was something else

but it did anger me a little
 
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Default Dec 20, 2018 at 04:34 PM
  #280
I've been in quite a lot of pain today (back and leg), so honestly I've not wanted to eat much

at breakfast time I tried to eat my food but felt really sick and nautious and couldn't eat it all- through out the day I've eaten little bits, and a small dinner (just a little toad in the hole with nothing else on the plate), but I don't have any appetite- not when I'm in so much agony I can think about nothing else.
 
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