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Cheza
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Default Jul 22, 2019 at 05:18 PM
  #1
I’m 35 years old and have had an eating disorder my entire life. I was in anorexia treatment as a teen and young adult and got fat and developed BED. Then I was fat for years and binged like crazy. I restricted it all off and had my son, and gained a bunch of weight again. Then I restricted it all off again and have kept at a low normal weight. But only at a low normal from restricting, over exercising or purging to control the binge behavior. So I have been doing this my entire life. I’m exhausted. I just want a normal relationship with food that I can pass to my kids. I’m worried I’ve damaged my body as I’ve had some blood with purges recently. I’m too old for this. I want another baby but I need to stop the purging first.

I made myself an appointment at my general practitioner tomorrow to talk about this, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to. I’m hoping to at least get a referral for a therapist. And meds for anxiety. My anxiety is extreme trying to stop the purging. Wish me luck outing myself. Hopefully my gp will know what I am trying to say. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed.
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LucyD
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Default Jul 22, 2019 at 08:58 PM
  #2
There are so many of us with eating disorders; it's not your fault. Find the good things about yourself and keep telling yourself you are worthy of a better life. I hope seeing your GP will help and that you get a referral. A good GP will understand and help you but can only do so much so a referral is a good thing to get. I have had the same EDs as you and know how so very hard this is. So many here understand what you are going through--it can be a nightmare but it is possible to get better. I wish you much good luck!

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Cheza
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 12:18 PM
  #3
Just got back and man she has no clue about EDs. What a train wreck of an appointment. She was nice and tried to make me feel better but she just had no clue. She reassured me I’ve caused no harm so not to worry at all about the purging. Blood in my vomit was probably just a mild tear that will heal in no time (she didn’t look in my throat &#128579. I did have some weird heart readings but she assures me it’s nothing to do with the ED and instead probably hereditary since I’m not at a really low weight. My resting heart rate is in the forties and then sometimes jumps way up. I need to go back and get fitted for a heart monitor to wear so probably good I went. She suggested I simply “cut the cord emotionally to just move past it”. I think I’m recovered guys!

She did give me some benzos so I’m going to try to use those to slow down purging while my throat heals. Also? She suggested I exercise more. “You can never exercise enough”. When I told her I am already doing 2-3 hours a day but that it fed my eating disorder a bit she said “I just don’t understand why it would. Keep up the good work”. 🤷🏻*♀️😂 If I don’t laugh I’ll cry.

I didn’t get the therapy referral. I’m feeling pretty validated in my disorder right now, but I still want to move past this. I’m going to hunt a therapist myself.
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