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JBrave
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Heart Jan 27, 2020 at 04:43 PM
  #1
So I have been with someone for going on six months now I've known she has had troubles with anorexia nervosa. She's been fighting this battle for quite some time, I don't feel as if I enable her and I don't want too. But some days I don't even want to eat because she doesn't want to eat and wants to restrict her diet of X amount of caloric intake a day. I don't know if I should be worried or not, or what I can do to help anymore. I can only do so much before I raise my hands up in surrender. I would NEVER leave her over this but I would appreciate some insight from some of the community. Thank you....
Peace & Love,
Johny
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Default Jan 27, 2020 at 07:19 PM
  #2
That's very sweet of you, to be so caring and wise about your partner's condition.

I don't want to mislead you, Johny. It's a devilishly difficult thing to treat.

Personally, I think that all you can do is love her completely!

It's an intensely personal nightmare she's trapped in and she will likely be 100% resistant to anything you do to try and help. I certainly did see anyone who tried to make me gain weight as, not an enemy exactly, but someone to hold at arm's length.

I'd compare it to alcoholism, perhaps, in that way... The decision to change has to come from her alone.

Having said that, I did recover (it's been eight or nine years, I think). CBT focused on inner child work was the thing that finally got through to me.

Well, even after that, there were many relapses...

So, hopefully you can see that it might be a case of just making her feel safe and raising her self esteem at every opportunity.

Good luck!
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Default Jan 30, 2020 at 08:04 PM
  #3
There isnt a thing that I am not willing to do for her or a mile I'm not willing to go. She has taken off on her writing career and it's been very good for her and myself as well. But lately it's just been kind of hard on the both of us, I suffer from depression, addiction, PTSD and ADD. Her and I have a lot of the same imbalances but we also have the same balance. We are in recovery for our addictions and we see psychiatrists and different doctors for our illnesses. Lately she hasn't been talking to her dietitian whom she was checking in with on a nightly basis to remind her that she needs to keep achieving the goals they set. If she doesn't begin to put her anorexia into remission I feel it's going to get even worse then it's already been for so many months. It hurts so much to watch somebody I love destroying themselves and not even really care to notice. I notice every day and pay attention to everything she eats. Honestly I have been eating less and less because I would rather hurt with her then having her watch me eat such a high intake of calories.....
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 05:57 AM
  #4
Ah, you sound like a wonderful partner.

Not caring that we're hurting ourselves is right at the centre of ED's, as you're probably aware.

That's why inner child therapy worked for me. In my experience, there's often a hurt and frightened child who's disgusted by the adults around them (and thus scared to grow up). This therapy is surprisingly simple. You are asked to picture, with increasing detail, your younger self, at the age you were most desperately hurt and unheard.

Next, the therapist asks you to picture that child you've visualised standing next to you.

It's weird and a bit embarrassing at first, but after a few sessions, I found that the child (in my case, I was about six when I started being hurt) had so much to say.

The magic came when I was walking home from the session and found I was picturing my six year old self walking beside me.

Wow. I was overwhelmed with pity for her. She was so little and nice!

So, for the first time I really felt how disgusting it was to hurt a child that age. I'd start looking at them in the street and observe, tearfully, how careful their carers and everyone else are with children.

The final stage was that I felt protective of her...

So, for the first time I was defending and nourishing my inner child rather than trying to starve it to death as a way of trying to stop the pain.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 07:22 PM
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I'm sending hugs and support

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