[Khione]

I don't know what is wrong with me. The lady I see at the mental health service thing has no idea. I don't feel 'bad' enough to fit into the categories of certain disorders and what not.

I have anxiety. But whilst I think it's bad and it does interfere with my life, I wouldn't say I had an anxiety disorder. And my (lets call her my therapist) doesn't give me the chance to explain anything regarding anxiety, so in terms of her helping me, that's not going anywhere soon.

My therapist said I am showing signs of Aspergers Syndrome and so I've done an assessment and I'm getting the report back on Friday 23rd.

I show signs of depression. I self harm and constantly think about suicide - I think about it, but it doesn't mean I would. Though I feel as though because I know I would never attempt to take my own life and my therapist knows that, she isn't treating the thoughts or wanting to seriously.

To put it into perspective; I attempted to take my own life in 2011 and after that, I was put on the mental health service's radar and was seeing a Clinical Child Psychologist. I then, after about 8 months of seeing her, said that I knew I wouldn't try again but I still wanted to etc. I'm now seeing a Community Nurse.

So I don't know what is wrong with me, I know something is and I'm not the kind of person to 'just get better' without having a name to whatever it is. I hate being in the middle.. it's either something is there or nothing is.

I feel like I've missed so many chances at expressing how I actually feel. I had an assessment for depression about a year ago, was told I was just a teenager but in that session, I wasn't given a chance to actually explain how I felt. I just got the basic "hows your appetite?" "hows your sleep" "hows your concentration" etc (and for the record, all of those answers would be "bad"). I answered those and then she said there was nothing wrong.

I feel so lost. It feels like no one is listening to me or giving me the chance to properly explain and also like I'm not being taken seriously. It's so frustrating and upsetting and makes me not want to leave the house or try to do anything any more.

(And I think this is in the wrong forum, so I'm sorry about that. I forgot to check before I submitted the post.)

[kaliope]

well if all those answers are bad, then maybe you are depressed. did you take the sanity test here? while it isnt meant to be a diagnostic tool it can give you an idea of your issues. what you really need is someone who will listen to you. are you able to express to your current person that you feel you arent being listened to? sometimes these community mental health agencies arent the best and you really have to be assertive and stand up and advocate for yourself. i would take some of the quizzes on here and see what comes up as familiar on here. do some research so you can go in armed with facts and say "this is what i think is going on with me. these are my symptoms. can you give me some coping skills?"

[Khione]

I did do the Sanity Score a few weeks ago. http://forums.psychcentral.com/sanit...-did-quiz.html

And the mental health agency thing here in the UK is the only one available on the NHS. The worst part is, this therapist I have is rushing to find something to label me with before I turn 18. She's doing in the best interests of myself because once I turn 18 it's difficult to find mental health care unless you're severely bad or a harm to yourself. So she thinks that if I am diagnosed with something before I turn 18 (in 5 months) then it'll be easier for me to get help with college and working and stuff. But I think by doing this, she's overlooking a lot.

I went in for a session last Friday. I had emailed her saying I wans't doing so well and in that session on Friday, she asked me about college (which I said was fine) and then assumed I was happy and fine and didn't give me a chance to explain why I wasn't feeling okay. I'm not a very forceful person so I am worried I'm not going to ever be heard.

[striking]

Hi.

Buy a small pocket sized notebook.

Write your daily experiences down and the emotional reactions. Write everything you feel that you want to express.

Next session say nothing but hello. Hand over the notebook. Wait until they are done reading. Before they speak say "Yes, that is what I am going through, please help me.".

Good luck and absolutely be your own advocate

[Khione]

Thanks striking. I have thought about doing something similar to that. I worry in case she thinks I'm over reacting or trying to do her work for her.. I tend to be able to explain myself well when I type/write so I also worry she'll think I'm lying/over exaggerating/making things up. Even though I'm not, I'm just explaining my problems better.

I might use the diary I just bought to write down a general jist of my day, each day. And then I can work on writing up my problems in detail etc and then maybe give both (diary + written up stuff) to her.

I've dreamt of being able to say "this is what I think is wrong, can you help me find out" type things. I want to, but I freeze and clam up whenever I go to the sessions.

Also, just to add in general. I know it's not any form of diagnosis and that quizzes/tests shouldn't be relied on. But over the course of 5 or 6 months, I've done many, many tests online and at college (at the counselling bit) and all of the tests I've done in regards to Anxiety have scored well above the average. The one on psych central, I've done it once a month for the last two months and both times I have come back with a score above 40 (43 and 45) (38+ is severe according to the test). Like I said, I know they aren't a diagnosis but they do suggest that Anxiety could be playing a huge part in my problems/struggles at the moment.. yet I'm being assessed for Aspergers. Which, whilst I don't disagree, I would have thought that Anxiety should hold priorty for me personally since I am struggling with Anxiety symptoms more than Aspergers symptoms - and I have college to worry about and I am having a hard time dealing with college... But. My COMMUNITY NURSE thinks that an Aspergers assessment holds priorty. Baring in mind I only have about 5 or 6 months left of the mental health service....

Yay.

[striking]

With your history it is odd you aren't being questioned more deeply.

It sounds like a self-esteem/anxiety issue where you don't want to be a bother to anyone. So you give simple answers and avoid a potential confrontation with an expert. Of course this leaves you frustrated and anxious

I try to keep track of the emotional pitfalls as they occur because I lose the triggers if I wait. I use an app journal on my phone these days. No fear of misplacing it.

[Bewilderbeest]

Originally Posted by Khione

I have thought about doing something similar to that. I worry in case she thinks I'm over reacting or trying to do her work for her.. I tend to be able to explain myself well when I type/write so I also worry she'll think I'm lying/over exaggerating/making things up. Even though I'm not, I'm just explaining my problems better.

Originally Posted by Khione

I've dreamt of being able to say "this is what I think is wrong, can you help me find out" type things. I want to, but I freeze and clam up whenever I go to the sessions.

I think it'd be a good idea to start your journal with exactly these statements.

[avlady]

i also am trying to start a journal, having a had time as i'm not motivated enough to even start it. i feel tired all the time and i have my daily chores to clean the house, which is very hard for me but it is about all i can do right now. hopefully i'll be able to start the journal soon, my depression doesn't help either.