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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 05:29 AM
  #1
Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and sheltered? Also, I regret that I kinda had a superiority complex that I was the most mature person among kids around my age even though I only felt that because I was a big fish in a small pond. To think that I almost had it made in childhood except for said complex. I think that people should just have gently corrected my mistakes instead of all of it coming to this, and by "this", I mean snotty classmates reading me to filth, trying to tell me what was wrong with me in a sadistic manner. (However mean they may have been, there was still a grain of the truth in what they said, but that in no way justified how they treated me. At the same time however, it's still disillusioning to me that some of their criticisms were true and it wasn't as black and white as them being just a bunch of jealous haters, because I'd like to believe in a black and white world with cartoon villains and heroes who could do nothing wrong.) I used to believe that if only the bubble I lived in my childhood was still there all the way till I graduated school, I would be a lot happier, but I realized that it would probably only mean that the peak of my suffering after realizing my bubble wasn't real would be right now instead of back in the day.
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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 09:01 AM
  #2
bump.......
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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 10:58 AM
  #3
Anybody???
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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 11:12 AM
  #4
I’m not really sure what to say. Do you feel you were spoiled and sheltered, or is someone telling you this? Sounds rather like a mean label. I don’t know enough about you to have much input.

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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 12:40 PM
  #5
I think you were a victim of bullying, rather than being Spoiled. You just described classic bullying. Bullying is all about control and getting attention. You were being controlled.

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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 04:21 PM
  #6
I blame some of my conditions on being sheltered by an excessively over-protective parent who raised me to be fearful of authority figures and retribution.
I know that it wasn't the parent's fault because they had been raised the same way but, not for the same reasons.
The parent's parents were described as unloving, cold and stern.
The parent was a very uncofident, fearful and anxious person and the other parent who was very confident and self-reliant just wasn't around to offer better advice about how to go about living so, that's why I grew up that way.
Because of this I have had to find ways to better myself and learn how to make adjustments and modifications in order to survive.
Even now I am still learning that there is no end to what I can do with my mind when I am focused and inspired. You can do that too.

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Default Apr 20, 2018 at 02:20 AM
  #7
I know that I did become a bullying victim, but it's true that I was spoiled and I know because I come from somewhere with distinct social classes, and I went to a school for rich people despite only being middle class. And after leaving it, that's when I realized that my bubble wasn't even real, it turns out that's why I was so hurt by the bad words flung at me, not because of the mere fact that people said mean things to me in the first place. I mean, people did try to bully me even in childhood, but while they were capable of getting a rise out of me, they were incapable of making me insecure. Because you know why? I had a "Tell me something I didn't already know about myself" attitude about it all. Whereas the people who made fun of me in my teens, they exposed how much I was living in a bubble, so I did feel like they were telling me something new about myself. Maybe I shouldn't have listened to the insults about how useless I was, but it's true that there was a lot of room for improvement. Shame that the only way I received my much-needed truth tea was through insults with unnecessary sadism mixed in.

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Default Apr 20, 2018 at 05:15 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by vafhj View Post
[ I used to believe that if only the bubble I lived in my childhood was still there all the way till I graduated school, I would be a lot happier, but I realized that it would probably only mean that the peak of my suffering after realizing my bubble wasn't real would be right now instead of back in the day.
Absolutely. Though I don't think I was spoiled. I have to say that I think a lot of the problems in the world right now is due to people being overly sheltered. I had to learn a lot of things that most people were taught by their parents and it was hard. In someways I feel I am still learning.

I was watching this 600 lb life episode and one of the subject was 600 lbs and living with her mom almost completely because her mom never taught her anything and did everything for her. Really sad but at least the participant made a big life change.
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Default Apr 20, 2018 at 12:19 PM
  #9
i do not think my problems were caused because I was spoiled and sheltered because I was not... My childhood took place in a region with armed violence and my adolescence years were spent in worse conditions. On the top of that, I have lived the life of an immigrant since I was 19....
But, I can certainly say that life experiences do make a difference because you are exposed to realities that take you out of your self-centered state. Those who choose to stay in their bubble will not have much chances of being challenged and their thinking patterns will reflect that.

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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 07:00 AM
  #10
Admittedly, the fact that my childhood bubble wasn't even real is my last roadblock to recovery from being made fun of for years. It's like, "Yeah, all my haters were wrong about many things, but they were right about that specific thing, now what?" You see, I think in black and white, and because they were right about this one thing, now my mind is convincing me there's no reason for me to feel safe ever. I know it's wrong, but that's how I think. BTW, how am I sure that I'm not just regurgitating what my bullies said? Because all of it is true. In my old school where I spent my childhood, they saw me throw tantrums where I acted like a screaming non-verbal toddler and didn't do much even though I was pushing 13. There were rumors among my classmates that I was some kind of special ed, but teachers just shut up my classmates even though they had a point. Also, they made us speak a different language from the vernacular inside our classrooms. Also, they let me get away with not doing my art projects. That's why I was so crap at teamwork and doing art projects in my teens. And all of it is why I feel so bad about feeling superior to everyone else and thinking I knew everything when I was in fact behind the curve.

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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 09:19 AM
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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 09:35 AM
  #12
Well the truth is that you are not better or worse than anyone else. We all have our issues. Your description of your childhood doesn’t sound like you were spoiled or sheltered. Teaching a child to fear authority figures is actually kind of abusive.

What a are you doing now, today to work on what’s bothering you? Have you considered therapy or a life coach, self help groups, etc.

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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 12:02 PM
  #13
You mean you did not see how messed up one of my complaints was? I was prone to screaming tantrums and authority figures just let me get away with them.
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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 12:11 PM
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You mean you did not see how messed up one of my complaints was? I was prone to screaming tantrums and authority figures just let me get away with them.
OK, I’m not really understanding what your point is. Are you looking for someone to blame for your behavior ....if your behavior seems unacceptable to you.

All I’m saying is that if you think you have a problem then be proactive and get help. I’m not a professional and can’t really offer any concrete reasons why you are the way you are.

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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 07:49 PM
  #15
I was surrounded by nice, responsible and caring adults throughout my early childhood.

When I went to the hospital and saw the adult staff acting badly towards the patients it was a huge deal for me. I had never seen adults acting that way before. And especially not towards kids.
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Default Apr 24, 2018 at 08:43 PM
  #16
I was sheltered. My parents were controlling and kept me away from a normal teenage time, anyway. That has caused some of my problems, but through therapy and persistence I am okay now.
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Default Apr 25, 2018 at 06:41 PM
  #17
Nope, neither spoiled nor sheltered. Wasn't exactly exposed to the worst of the worst. Did, fortunately, by grace or something, have nurturing and compassion around.

It takes plenty of elbow grease and fortitude to reconcile the past. Resentment is a bitter pill. Hope you can overcome the grieving of what brings forth the question.
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Default Apr 25, 2018 at 07:14 PM
  #18
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Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2 View Post
I blame some of my conditions on being sheltered by an excessively over-protective parent who raised me to be fearful of authority figures and retribution.
I know that it wasn't the parent's fault because they had been raised the same way but, not for the same reasons.
The parent's parents were described as unloving, cold and stern.
The parent was a very uncofident, fearful and anxious person and the other parent who was very confident and self-reliant just wasn't around to offer better advice about how to go about living so, that's why I grew up that way.
Because of this I have had to find ways to better myself and learn how to make adjustments and modifications in order to survive.
Even now I am still learning that there is no end to what I can do with my mind when I am focused and inspired. You can do that too.

EDIT: You have to find something to get ambitious about and then, set out to make it yours.
This world is filled with many riches. Set your sights on the one that appeals to you the most and then, make it your goal to obtain it at any cost.
And don't forget "condescending"....

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Default Apr 25, 2018 at 07:20 PM
  #19
I feel my mother often did too many of my own tasks for me as a child, and as a result, I failed to learn how to do things for myself until much later than my peers. A very good example of this would be when I had to create a report for school. She would type out my reports as I dictated them to her, and this happened quite a lot. When it came time for me to type out my own reports at the computer, I really didn't know how to do it. I hadn't learned to use a word processor very efficiently nor how to type with two hands instead of plucking away with my one index finger. I also didn't know how to research very well because she would often oversee that aspect of the report process as well.

When it came to making friends, she and the mother of whomever I wanted to play with would arrange a playdate for us. It was nice at first, but after a while, the girls I often played with wouldn't want to play with me anymore. The girls wouldn't tell me directly, but rather, tell their mothers who would tell mine. I suppose they didn't want to come across as mean spirited, or wanted to hurt my feelings, which in hindsight, I do appreciate, but it still stung that they no longer wanted to play with me anymore.

I suppose it might have something to do with events that took place at their houses. One time I was playing hide and seek with one of these girls in their unfinished basement. There were a variety of things to hide behind, including a bunch of glass storm windows that this particular girl's parents would remove every spring from the windows on their house and store in the basement until it got cooler in the fall. I don't remember the specifics of what happened, but I recall the storm windows leaning up against the wall of the basement, creating a sort of triangle shaped space between them and the wall and floor. I was peering into this space thinking that one of my friends was hiding behind there during the game. I started shifting the window panes to get a better look, when one of them, a particularly huge pane of glass, fell down onto the floor in a great thunderous crash, shattering into about a million pieces.

I honestly didn't mean to break their storm window, nor thought it would even break apart like it did. In my mind, I thought that if it one of them did fall, the wooden frame would catch it somehow and prevent it from breaking. At least that was what my 6 year old self's logic at that time.

Needless to say, both the girl's parents and my own weren't at all too happy, and as a result, my parents payed for the damages, which came out of my allowance.

Another thing, I think played a factor was the budding sexuality I had and my confusions over it. My one friend had this idea to start a silly little club, as kids are prone to do at times, and declared that the initiation for this club was to crawl into the space under the stairs with a club member (i.e. her), close the door to this space so that she and the "initiate" were in total darkness, and the "initiate" was to kiss her on the lips. It was a silly thing, I suppose, but as a result, it became my first ever kiss with another human being. It had awakened some confusing feelings inside of me, and I guess that these feelings gave off vibes enough to make this girl, and the friends we shared, not want to hang out with me anymore.

I think all of these factors and experiences are why I am whom I am today, just as anyone's childhood experiences form a part of why they are who they are as adults. It doesn't mean that they are the way they are because of these experiences, or that these expeirences define their adult selves. It simply means that the experiences we are exposed to growing up sort of...influence our decisions as an adult. We can either choose to let them continue to influence our adult selves, or learn from them, understand them, and control whether or not they influence our adult selves, or find a more healthy way to express our adult selves if our pasts aren't that with which we are proud of, or want to influence our lives.

It's not really my mother's fault, she simply thought she was helping me. It's also not those girls' fault either. I am who I am today because of what I choose to be. I am in control of all parts of me, body, mind, soul, and emotions. I may be learning things on a later schedule than my peers because I always had things done for me when I was younger, because it was thought of as helpful to keep me at the same developmental pace as my peers, and maybe it did more harm than good, but we can't change the past now can we?

As a wise baboon once said...

"Yes, the past can hurt, but as I see it, you can either run from it....or learn from it."

~Rafiki, Disney's "The Lion King"

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Default May 01, 2018 at 06:11 AM
  #20
I wouldn’t say I was spoiled or sheltered, but I was brought up to be very non confrontational. I didn’t deal with criticism as a kid, it was just praise from all corners. I was secretly being bullied at school but I didn’t complain, I hated everyday in school

I’m a grown up now and I don’t know how to deal with confrontations or people who don’t like me. They suck the life out of me, wish I knew how to ignore people
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