Self Sabotage?

So I’ve been looking into self sabotage, the causes, signs etc. Things like alcohol and drug abuse, binge eating and self harm keep coming up.
This got me thinking that maybe self sabotage isn’t the correct definition for the behaviour that I have in mind, and am now wondering if it may be classified as something different? Any help would be appreciated.
I’ll now give an example of the behaviour that I am talking about:

There is a person. This person has suffered with anxiety, depression and anger. They have experience some mid life trauma and have managed, with the aid of medication and therapy, to overcome these problems. The person lives a successful life (whatever that means) and for the most part functions very well. However the episodes of anxiety, stress and worry still occur occasionally, triggered by certain things. Now, this person will put their energy and time into something, be it through educating themselves in their professional field, purchasing a house, going for a promotion. Their actions thus far are relatively “normal”. But here’s the key: When something doesn’t go as they had planned, say the loan didn’t come through in time for the mortgage, or the deadline for the course passed unnoticed, or they didn’t get the promotion, this person would then start to intentionally fail at other aspects of their life. It is very much a “Well if I can’t have this then I don’t want anything attitude, and they will proceed to sabotage other goals that they have, any projects that are in progress, or at least give up on them. So if something failed, even if it was beyond their control, they would try to drag everything else down too, even if it was to their own detriment.

So you can see why I’m thinking that this is self sabotage, but I can’t find reference to this behaviour and mindset anywhere in particular.

Any ideas?

Thanks
FF

Well... I don't know as there is much of anything I can offer with regard to this. What I have experience with myself is having something I'm doing go wrong, getting venomously angry at myself, & then feeling the almost overwhelming urge to throw everything into the crapper!

I've been doing this for years &, although I've gotten better at resisting the urge to go there, I still have a tendency to run there when something goes array. I don't know what the reason is other than that I harbor a deep hatred for myself, which means I have no self-esteem. And so any little insult to my exquisitely fragile ego feels overwhelming. Perhaps what you're experiencing is something similar?

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may be of some interest & perhaps help:

Self-Sabotage: A Pathway to Destruction

Breaking the Link Between Low Self-Esteem and Self-Sabotage

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem Struggles and Strategies That Can Help

How Does Low Self-Esteem Negatively Affect You?

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...le-depression/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/tms/2...-is-different/

I wish you well...

Maladaptive coping skills? I suspect that self destructive behaviors as a symptom can be found under a slew of various MIs? Maybe they need to address this with their therapist?

I am very good at self sabotage, and you are right in thinking that it is not just drugs/alcohol/self harm etc. It can be anything.

I find when things are actually going ok in life I self sabotage, because I don’t trust it to last so I try and force a change and feel like I’m in control of my demise rather than my mental illness. Sometimes I’ll quit taking my meds, sometimes I just start staying up stupidly late. I push people away. I isolate. I am very self destructive in a lot of ways, and yeah that’s part of my illness. People don’t understand why I would deliberately try to ruin things for my self, and I totally get that. With a rational mind I can see it’s stupid, but I’m not so good at staying rational.

Perhaps your friend is similar in the way that they do it so they feel more in control. Not getting a loan is out of their control so they then give up on other things for control? Just my opinion of course, and everyone is different, but that’s how it tends to work for me.

The 'Self Sabatage' title jumped out as soon as I'd seen it. It was one of the topics of a post responding to an unrelated thread in another forum section but I'd recalled something about the nature of self-sabotage - at least its emotive characteristics as they'd left impressions on me. They're just personal anecdotal musings and not any sort of definitive reference.

Hope you find it of some value, FWIW


I'll try and post the reference here. If it breaks posting protocol or Gen Q&A isn't for these sorts of potentially far-ranging roves, feel free to remove it! I'll just quote the brief passage as it pertains to your post and give the reference posting:




https://forums.psychcentral.com/6255789-post8.html

Oh does this ever ring out as true. I have taken this to a well developed art form.

I too have self sabotaged when all was actually good in my life. I pull the plug, so to speak, when I am so fearful of the goodness falling apart, I feel that if it must happen it should be under my control and terms.

However, I mostly sabotage myself in work situations. I perform at a very high level. Unfortunately this comes at the price of unbelievably high anxiety that I cannot maintain the pace or output. In worry that I will make a mistake, make a superior unhappy, or just plain fail, I will then flee the situation before it reaches that point. Usually it is only afterward that I recieved the positive feedback I so needed and desired. Unfortunately that comes far too late and I have moved on to another job only to create the same pattern.

I have sabotaged relationships too. The pattern is the same. I am afraid of my world falling apart so it is best to flee the situation before that happens.

I'm not sure I like the term self sabotage much. Sabotage is intentional and meant to ruin something. Thinking one has a part of oneself that is always out there to ruin ones life isn't particularly healthy. I think most of the time other things are happening, and analyzing why they happens is more productive than calling it bad names.

I know I am a sort of perfectionist and a black and white thinker. I do sort of want it all or I don't want any of it. But in my case it is because I'm still practicing to accept things as quite good even if they are not perfect. It takes time to learn to create some kind of inner greyscale.

The problem isn't that I want to ruin what I have, it is that for me, something half good, looks just as bad as a total mess in my eyes. It's a sort of cognitive flaw not to see things for what they are. I am getting better at it though. In the past I could diss friends for just one error they made because it would break the perfection. Now I am quite allowing and accepting human nature.

The same behavior of "self sabotage" can have many different roots. Just because the behavior looks similar, doesn't mean it IS the same thing.

Some people do it because they feel they need to be punished for something that happened to them, some for feeling guilt because of something they have done.

Some do it because of pure impatience and failure might be a result of disinhibition and impulsiveness.

You have to know the reason to be able to work with it. IMHO.

Thanks everybody for your feedback.
I get a strong theme from reading these comments of
A) a sense of control
B) a fear of failure
C) a need for perfection
I suppose they’re all related really. A person is afraid of failure, not just afraid of it but sure of it. Because they predict this failure and it terrifies them, they intentionally “sabotage” the project so it is no longer a failure, it’s a choice. A choosing to give up. And sensing that anything short of perfection, or exactly what you had planned, is a potential failure.
It seems like a very relentless and cruel cycle.
Some of you have hinted at the possible causes of this, a self hatred or self punishment. I will have to try to investigate as to what that could be. The best way to prevent a cycle is to nip it at is source.
If anyone has any self analysis to give as to WHY they believe they act like this towards themselves then please feel free to comment, I’d find it very interesting.
Thanks again for all your help,
FF

Why?

I blame my mother 100%

She was a perfectionist and expected that of me. I was forced to perform at a high level; not to please, her rather to escape her wrath. if I got second, I hadn't won and was a loser. If I got 97% I had screwed up on the other three and was a failure. That sort of thing. I learned from her two things. You had to excel or not even bother. To miss that performance target or minimum standard was the worse thing you could do. I learned to forever live with the fear of failure thanks to her - and the punishment or ramifications that came as a result. Thus the pattern of unbelievable high and unrealistic standards - and quitting before failure and punishment comes as a result.

I've heard emotional masochist thrown around while searching the interwebs