No one gets it

I was going to post this in the PTSD forum but I suppose it probably applies to more mental illnesses than that.

Does anyone else ever try to explain things, like what you deal with on a daily basis, just to get them to understand (whether it be a doctor, T, pdoc, family member, friend etc.), only to get that confused expression on their face in response?

It's like only a handful of people get it ever so slightly, not because they have personal experience but rather clinical experience. So often I just get an, "I'm sorry" or "That sounds terrible".

Yuuuuuup. Even current best friend at first didn't get it, and still doesn't fully. I get that a lot with "friends". It's hard to know though if you've never gone through it I think. What I try to focus on is when people try to understand or try to care despite not understanding.

By now, I can kind of tell what certain people's response will be. I only tell my husband and my T and sometimes they don't et i.

Yes, it can be very hard.
Not from my own experience but from my wife. She struggles with emotional and mental difficulties that as much as I read about and look into I can’t fully appreciate myself.
But don’t mistake people not understanding with not caring, so many friends and family if they did know how it was for you, would jump to your aid and say the perfect things, but they can’t.
I ask my wife endless questions about how she’s feeling, and give her time to think about how to explain it. If you can find someone with time to hear you then never give up in trying to make yourself inderstood. Nothing shows you that someone cares about you more than a willingness to patiently listen.
I hope you can’t find someone who can understand you and am sorry it’s so hard.

FF

I agree that nothing shows that someone cares about you more than a willingness to listen (patiently)

I feel like not many get me.. a few do though (at least somewhat)

Yeah, the “I’m sorry” or “that sounds terrible” response isn’t helpful..

((((( So leigheas ))))

Um, I usually get other responses when I tell people, friends, docs, whatnot. Some are just curious. Some make strange remarks because they heard of the condition and now they are experts on it. Some get angry. Actually quite many get grumpy about it. "We all have our problems", they say, and "You're Nordic, we're not weaklings, pull yourself together". I guess saying they are sorry is simply not in my culture.

Usually I don't even tell to explain something. It is more in context like if they invite me to something, and I ask if it is OK to wait until the last moment to decide, because I can never know how healthy I will be (I have physical illness as well). Quite many interrogates me to see if my illness is serious enough in their eyes to give me special treatment about.

That kind of response in similar to what I've experienced in the African American community. A lot of people either think that black people can't suffer from mental illness or that I'm weak and not acting like a "strong black woman." There's doesn't seem to be a lot of understanding in the black community although mental health organizations are trying to change that.

I tend to get these responses from my family a lot. Either they've read about it somewhere and now they're experts, or they say they understand and disregard my boundaries anyway. Then after I struggle trying to deal with them it's all my fault and I'm mental.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's prbably hard to understand to those who have never experienced it. Do they at least try to listen?

A couple of them do and I do appreciate that.

Another response is "stop being so negative" and "don't be a debbie downer".

I will say, at least I have this place. It does help.

Responses like - “we all have our problems” - grrrrrrrrrr
This is true, especially people who make stupid and unhelpful comments such as that

Yep. Being misunderstood or not understood = my life. Many a time I have the instinctive feeling of being self-protective by simply stopping talking to other people. I love to sing, but I sing only to my cats. I also talk to my cats. Truthfully, they listen and understand better than people do.

I had a set of parents who were famous for the "Oh, just get over it" attitude. I had no right to any emotion except thankfulness and happiness at my many blessings in life. To THEM, my life was perfect.

I had a therapist like that. I didn’t mean to, but she seemed freaked out a lot...her eyes would bulge and she’d frequently say “OMG” and be speechless.

We got along and she had empathy....but she isn’t qualified in the areas I need help in. I’ve trouble finding a therapist. Calling a new one this week.

I relate to your post, OP.

Yeah, I get, "after all I've done for you!" and "You don't have to cry." a lot. The first, mainly from my grandmother who seems to think that people should be bought. The second from other family and others who don't seem to know how to allow emotions to be. In all the pain sometimes I need to grieve and cry, you know?

I am active on a Facebook page in which there are only "positive posts" permitted. ALL posts that might cause dialogue or debate are immediately deleted. It's insane. Part of being a human being is having a full range of emotions. I think that people who cannot accept that are more messed up than any person with MI is.

EXACTLY! After my mom died, I had zero support. I was actually told, at 13 years old, that I had to be strong and take over I guess. Well meaning but misguided advice that I would have to grow up I guess? I've thought about that over the years and I can't believe he actually said that to a kid who just lost her mother. I'm like wha?! Please help me I need an adult! lol

I watch the rest of my family and how they don't process their emotions well and bury them. I don't think they know how to handle their emotions honestly. That's one of the reasons I think they are some of the most damaged people I know. If they can't handle their own, then no wonder I was raised the way I was.

Exactly. I have “no right” to any emotion except ........ they say endlessly “just get over it”.. the toxicity of PUs

Yep.

I have no real friends because none of them understand anything.
And they can't be bothered to learn, they have their own lives to live.

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I found that when I really didn't have the words to express what I was going through it was hard for people to listen to me fumbling around trying to find the words to express myself.

My first good T after over 13 years asked me how I was feeling & all I could say was "ugh". She handed me a 10 page list of feeling words & I sat there & listed 2 pages of the words that applied then went through the "WHAT " was making me feel each feeling. That was my breakthrough on learning the words & how to express myself so others could understand. It also started to open the door so I could define the feelings I had felt for so long in my bad marriage. Feelings that were all smothered by the anger that had built up.

Sometimes people don't understand when we don't have words to explain that are understood by them. Interesting because once I had words to express myself people started to listen & understand & so did I. It was a strange feeling when people stopped to listen without taking the conversation off in another direction. I actually had to stop & remember what my total train of thought was because I was so used to just stopping what I was saying when the conversation moved on.

It’s not just being misunderstood that bothers me but then being labeled, judged and treated differently. I feel like people enjoy hearing or knowing about any problems or difficulties I may have. I don’t tell people much anymore. I think I’ve gone to an extreme with this. The other day I told someone at work I hadn’t slept well the night before and immediately felt I had shared too much personal information. I just don’t trust people. I don’t think I care anymore if they don’t understand me. My H does listen and is extremely understanding. I am happy to have at least one person who understands and I don’t expect I will find other people IRL who will listen and understand so that’s why I am here on PC.