[freund]

Hello. To introduce myself, I was in a bad (marital) relationship which ended after only 5 and 1/2 years. Since then I've found myself trying to figure out what went wrong, what I did wrong, or, more to the point here, how did my spouse relate to me, our child, and our life together. Over the years I've tried to zoom down on BPD, thinking that perhaps my ex suffered from that. However, attributing my ex spouse's behaviour to BPD is just a guess on my part. I have not been able to find material online that will help me determine the answer one way or the other. Sometimes the symptoms seem to fit, sometimes not at all. Discussions and general advice on BPD will be most welcome.

The only way to know for sure is for her to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. So often people will not like someone else's behavior and throw out that they have a mental illness. The cluster b's get it a lot and it's a bit exhausting as it makes us all look like jerks.

That's a pointless rant against speculation. That being said, if you have questions I will do my best to answer. I am diagnosed with BPD.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((freund)))) Only a doctor can tell for sure. So the only way to know is through a proper diagnosis. What mkes you think he may have BPD?

[Skeezyks]

Hello freund: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health diagnosis which can only be diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. However there is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of BPD. Reading through some of the posts in that forum may be of interest to you. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/bord...lity-disorder/

One other forum that may be of interest would be the relationships & communication forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

Here are links to 3 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of BPD that may be of interest, the first 2 by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

Borderline Personality Disorder

Characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder

5 Possible Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder | Caregivers, Family & Friends

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[healingme4me]

As a divorced spouse of someone with untreated bpd, I say, if it's that, you know it's that. My half sister also has bpd. It affects everyone around when untreated.

That said, in the grand scheme of things does the dx or knowing about bpd add to the ability to coparent?

[eskielover]

I did the same thing after I left my H. Tried to figure out what in the world I had been dealing wuth all those years. I went through many descriptions over & above his adult ADD diagnosis which just didn't explain it ALL.

Everything would hit on some but not all until I stumbled across what one of my psychologists suggested might be causing the behaviors. Turned out I checked off everything.....& to my surprise I checked off everything that described my own dad too. While it doesn't diagnose it gives us a better understanding of what we were deslung with & why we rescted thebway we did & we can learn better ways of comminicatjng with them even if we have no desire to live with them & the marriage is definitely over.

[xiximmxi]

For me, I need a lot of reassurances and affirmations from my partner...
Otherwise I overthink the slight cold shoulder or change in attitude/tone/behavior and feel that I am not loved, valued or appreciated. & My need for validation isn't always in a clingy way - it can totally just happen all in my head while acting like everything is fine and I'd be disappointed and emotionally push them away if my expectations aren't met.

This is exhausting for both parties.
It took a lot of heartbreaking instances and a lot of time reflecting to realize that I have to give those things to myself first before I can expect them from other people. I've been able to control my mood swings and irrationality a lot better.

Originally Posted by NefariousAngel

...if you have questions I will do my best to answer. I am diagnosed with BPD.

^ Do you have similar experiences as mine?


Your head can be the worst place you can be in sometimes.
As Cheeky asked - what makes you think he has BPD?

I exhibit a lot of BPD behaviors and was diagnosed in the psychward. I have abandonment issues. I fear people leaving, so I do things to push them away. I feel everything intensely so my emotional reactions are stronger than that of a neurotypical. When I'm sad it's the end of the world. When I'm happy I'm on top of the world. When angry I rage. I have a history of self harm as a means of coping with the intensity. I dissociate, to the extent that I feel as though I am out of my body and watching myself. I'm impulsive and make decisions on a whim.

Those are some examples. There is a list of diagnostic criteria. Anyone can have traits of BPD, but unless you have the majority of them you do not have BPD. The cluster B personality disorders also often have overlaps. I have narcissistic and psychopathic traits, but not enough to be diagnosed with those disorders.

The cluster b disorders are very stigmatized. I feel that people who are not treated the way they want are quick to jump to labels: narcissist, psychopath, borderline, etc. It further adds to the stigma because not all of these people are "bad". A lot of them have a history of childhood trauma that contributed to their disorder. Additionally some people are just jerks, no personality disorder needed.

I implore people to not label anyone, regardless of what you read on the internet. It's a psychiatrist's job, solely. I know it's difficult when you are trying to make sense of yourself or someone else, but adding a label to anyone with negative behavior, including yourself, isnt helping anyone. Seek or encourage a psychiatric assessment and go from there.

Carrying the label of BPD can be heavy. People make a lot of assumptions about me and attribute behaviors to BPD, thus invalidating my feelings.

I have a strong passion towards the cluster b personality disorders and everyone afflicted. I am always happy to talk to anyone who reads this and wants to pick my brain. Note: I also have bipolar and a few anxiety disorders. Big bag of fun I am.