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Old 04-06-2019, 06:32 AM #11
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

I just wanted to let you all know that I am working on replies to specific posts and I thank you all so much so far..
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Old 04-06-2019, 06:32 AM #12
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Thank you so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post
I'm going to be honest with you here. People do crap that is just hurtful without reason or remorse. It's hard to not take those things personally - I know because I am dealing with a lot of that myself lately in the wake of my last episode in which almost ALL of my support system just up and left and just didn't care.

It taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that the world is unforgiving, so WE must make the world a better place for ourselves. You know what I mean? What I am saying is my new attitude is I am going to be selfish. I am going to look out for me #1 and put myself above all others and I honestly think you should do the same.

You think you're blunt and too honest? Own it! If that girl blocked you, you have to let it go cause you can't control her actions, and I know for me that's the hardest part. I think because we are behind a screen its TOO easy to just "click" and block and not have to explain yourself to anyone. It all part of the accepted "ghosting" now.

You are doing great - especially if you don't block anyone because you value what people say, I appreciate that a lot.

And, if you want a friend I am just a message away!
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Old 04-06-2019, 06:36 AM #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
the ignore feature isnt about you. its about the person who has you on ignore.
the online ignore feature is like that. its not about you and whether you are a good person or not. its about that other persons triggers. the ignore feature is a self care feature that allows others to control their self and their own triggers.
Thank you for saying this and you are so right. I never looked at it this way but it is a self care tool.
Quote:
my point is its not you, the ignore feature is nether a punishment nor says whether someone is good or bad, its just about that persons own triggers and that they are taking good self care of them selves.
This was an excellent post for me. Thank you!
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Old 04-06-2019, 06:37 AM #14
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As usual @MickeyCheeky you are super kind to me.

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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
You're NOT an horrible person, sarahsweets! I completely agree with what all the other wonderful people on this thread have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can! I understand why you'd feel hurt by all of this, but that DOESN'T mean that you're an horrible person or that you're coming across that way! I completely agree with what amandalouise has already wisely said! Some people just need to protect themselves from certain topics or triggers! It doesn't mean they have necessarely something against you! Even if they do have, try not to take it too personally! We can't expect everyone to like us after all, right? Sometimes it can happen! There's nothgin wrong with that and there's CERTAINLY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Please remember that! Please don't be so hard on yourself and when you're feeling down by all of this, please remember all the nice, wonderful things that people have said about you! Try to repeat to yourself "I'm a kind and valuable human being!" in fron of the mirror until you believe it and you feel a bit better about it, because IT IS TRUE and we all know that! Please be kind to yourself, ok? You did nothing wrong! You're a strong, wonderful person and WE ALL KNOW THAT! Sending many hugs to you, sarahsweets! YOU ROCK!
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Old 04-06-2019, 06:41 AM #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Itís not personal and could be done for number of reasons, same way we are selective who we talk to irl, we could be selective online.
This makes total sense. You are right, we do control who we deal with IRL. I was just at my AA meeting last night and this much older guy was totally creeping me out and blatantly hitting on me. I can hold my own now and dropped all the hints that I am happily married including "showing" my wing-woman friend my wedding ring. Finally I just had to walk away.

Quote:
I am pretty sure I am on some peopleís ignore lists, Iíve no idea and they have their rights not to see my posts. Doesnít make them bad people not wanting to read what I have to say. I donít think I am that important
I should know this already. Recovery-talk always reminds us that we do not need to be so self important or self centered and that the world doesnt revolve around us. I need to remember that I am not that unique or profound, or prolific that the whole world needs to see what it is that I am saying. Thanks for the reminder.
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Old 04-06-2019, 12:38 PM #16
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Sarahsweets, You're OK in my "book."
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Old 04-06-2019, 12:54 PM #17
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Youíre not awful. Youíre not all bad or all good. I always get the sense from your posts that you are motivated by a sincere desire to connect with others and be supportive.

Iím with you in that I recently was quite harsh and judgmental in a comment on a thread. Iím usually not like that. There were some negative things the OP did that triggered me to let him have it. Iím likely blocked too.

The only couple of times Iíve ever blocked anyone here was because I felt those people were really taking jabs at me, unnecessarily so. I was triggered one time by this personís comment to a very deep depressive and dangerous episode. This IS a psych site. So, blocking was for my own safety to avoid harm.
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Old 04-10-2019, 10:15 PM #18
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

PS I also have used block.., but not to hurt anyone. Respect to all in this thread. Nobody in this thread is an awful person.
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Old 04-10-2019, 10:27 PM #19
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I try really hard to give advice or support and I know that I can be direct or blunt. Its the ignore function thats getting to me. I just realized that I am on someone's ignore list and I liked her and thought she liked me. It drives me mad that I cant apologize or make things right. I do not have anyone on my ignore list her or at another forum I use because I believe there is value in what most people say. And I think I may be on a person's ignore list at the other place but its only alerted me once. How can I stop taking this so personal. I am not like this in real life. I try to be accountable and I have no issues acknowledging if I hurt someone's feelings or need to make amends. I am starting to think I may be a terrible person and just am too dumb to get it. I am not trying to fish for compliments here, I am seriously asking if I give off a "terrible person" vibe and just not know it?
Hi Sarahsweets,

Thanks for posting this thread.

I empathize with you and I can guarantee that a lot of fellow users can as well!

It is hard not to take blocking personally, but there are MANY people on Psych Central with a vast array of particular issues: each with its own set of triggers. While we can do everything possible to sensor and cator to the majority of users - we cannot possibly cator to all of them. What may help one - may trigger another. It's not that we want to intentionally trigger others - it is that we can inadvertently do it even if we spent countless hours carefully combing over what we write. I have found this to be the case many times and I know it has nothing to do with me, it has more to do with them. Coming to terms with this can take time, but rest in knowing that this is common, especially online. Trauma is delicate and extremely complex - no amount of understanding can possibly allow us the insight necessary to impress and cator to everyone's uniqueness at all times.

It makes sense that you are offended by this, especially when you want to help others and even more-so if you are sensitive. Clearly rejection is a trigger of yours and I am sorry that you are experiencing this. It is a trigger of mine as well. Perhaps this is an opportunity to explore this particular trigger of yours and work on it. If you need closure with the user who blocked you - feel free to write about it on the forums and ask for support like you have done in this thread. I think it is an important topic and your emotions are valid. Be sure to be gentle with yourself and explore any guilt or shame that you may be feeling. Use the negative emotion as fuel to continue helping others!

I hope this helps.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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Last edited by HD7970GHZ; 04-10-2019 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 04-10-2019, 10:33 PM #20
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Thanks HD, I also have recently been blocked by someone who is very prolific and I had no idea what if anything I did ďwrongĒ...

I think Iíll delete my other post I made here in this thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hi Sarahsweets,

Thanks for posting this thread.

I empathize with you and I can guarantee that a lot of fellow users can as well!

It is hard not to take blocking personally, but there are MANY people on Psych Central with a vast array of particular issues: each with its own set of triggers. While we can do everything possible to sensor and cator to the majority of users - we cannot possibly cator to all of them. What may help one - may trigger another. It's not that we want to intentionally trigger others - it is that we can inadvertently do it even if we spent countless hours carefully combing over what we write. I have found this to be the case many times and I know it has nothing to do with me, it has more to do with them. Coming to terms with this can take time, but rest in knowing that this is common, especially online. Trauma is delicate and extremely complex - no amount of understanding can possibly allow us the insight necessary to impress and cator to everyone's uniqueness at all times.

It makes sense that you are offended by this, especially when you want to help others and even more-so if you are sensitive. Clearly rejection is a trigger of yours and I am sorry that you are experiencing this. It is a trigger of mine as well. Perhaps this is an opportunity to explore this particular trigger of yours and work on it. If you need closure with the user who blocked you - feel free to write about it on the forums and ask for support like you have done in this thread. I think it is an important topic and your emotions are valid. Be sure to be gentle with yourself and explore any guilt or shame that you may be feeling. Use the negative emotion as fuel to continue helping others!

I hope this helps.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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