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Old 04-25-2019, 05:11 PM #41
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Fuzzy......c'mon. You don't suck (other thread) and you're not awful.
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Old 04-29-2019, 02:32 PM #42
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I try really hard to give advice or support and I know that I can be direct or blunt. Its the ignore function thats getting to me. I just realized that I am on someone's ignore list and I liked her and thought she liked me. It drives me mad that I cant apologize or make things right. I do not have anyone on my ignore list her or at another forum I use because I believe there is value in what most people say. And I think I may be on a person's ignore list at the other place but its only alerted me once. How can I stop taking this so personal. I am not like this in real life. I try to be accountable and I have no issues acknowledging if I hurt someone's feelings or need to make amends. I am starting to think I may be a terrible person and just am too dumb to get it. I am not trying to fish for compliments here, I am seriously asking if I give off a "terrible person" vibe and just not know it?
Sarahsweets you aren't a terrible person at all; you aren't at all bad in the explicit or implicit sense! I'm not just saying that either. When I've read your replies to both my own threads and others you have participated in, the direct yet personable truth is often just what I need to keep going through my rat race life. This thread helps me as well because our society in many senses is often very centered around walking on eggshells to make our point, or replacing the truth with power games or just flat out lying. In the same vain we are also guilty of polarizing between honesty or 100% reliance on others' cues. But in reality there's both people who are shy to speak their minds (or in your case, whose egos can't take it) and those who aren't afraid of honesty, so there's different strokes for different folks as sung by Sly Stone in "Everyday People". It's definitely not you at all. When I find other people like you who crave both honesty and the same characteristic from others it gives me and perhaps many others the chance to break out of their shell as well!
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Old 05-08-2019, 12:08 PM #43
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

A wise therapist once told me that, if you are asking yourself this question, you are not a terrible person. Terrible people usually aren't introspective enough to even ask themselves questions like this one. I know this is simplistic and sounds like psychobabble, but it's helped me many times in the past.
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Old 05-15-2019, 12:15 AM #44
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Generally speaking, people who care enough about whether they are bad people or not to the point of asking others generally are not bad people. At worst, you may have made a mistake in the past (not that I've seen, mind) but this shows that you're a type of person who is willing to make amends and work on flaws. That's pretty much the opposite of a bad person.
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Old 05-16-2019, 10:29 AM #45
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Yes. You are an awe ful person.
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Old 05-17-2019, 08:09 PM #46
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Can you provide an example of what you call direct and blunt?

In my experiences, I have found that most people are mentally fragile. The last thing I want to do is add to that. I work to figure out how to word what I want to say so they are receptive of what I am saying. Not that I expect them to follow it, but maybe, they will think about what I have said.

Some people I have known over the years who were just rude and uncaring, also had no respect for who they were talking to. They did not care if they hurt someone or not.

Sarah, I am not saying you do this. I am expressing my in person experiences with the topic you brought up.
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Old 05-17-2019, 08:46 PM #47
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

You're not an awful person. You're learning. You make mistakes. OMG, you're a gosh darn human!

I've been put on ignore by so many people and had so many people on ignore in the past. Even people I'm "friends" with (as friends as you can be on an anonymous forum). Sometimes my disorder is winning and I mistrust everyone and am offended by everyone. Sometimes you couldn't hurt me if you hit me with a brick.

The only thing I wish was that we could know before we spend an hour crafting a thoughtful, heartfelt reply to someone we'd like to help...and then get the "you can't respond you're on ignore" screen. I'm more irritated that I spent all this time thinking about their situation and some supportive feedback than that they actually don't want my message. Oh well.

Definitely some of the things you've posted have hit a nerve with me, but that's because of ME, not you. And when someone puts me on ignore, I know it's about them and not me. Some people just don't mesh well.

What has helped me not take it personally is to remember that at times I've needed to block people too, to give myself some space. And that was about me, not them. So I know too that if someone blocks me, then it's about them, and what they need for themselves, not me and what I need. So maybe next time you see you're "ignored" try to remember that it's about what they need for themselves, and not about you, and that will help you not take it personally.

However, it's also not wrong to take it personally. It hurts to have a door slammed in your face, even under the circumstances we're describing. So it's okay to say "it hurts my feelings a bit, but I understand, and I will recover." You don't have to deny that it makes you feel bad. It's sort of natural that initially you might feel hurt, then that feeling would hopefully fade.

Hope this helps. There is no right or wrong. There is just what is.

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