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Old 04-04-2019, 10:07 PM #1
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Default Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

I try really hard to give advice or support and I know that I can be direct or blunt. Its the ignore function thats getting to me. I just realized that I am on someone's ignore list and I liked her and thought she liked me. It drives me mad that I cant apologize or make things right. I do not have anyone on my ignore list her or at another forum I use because I believe there is value in what most people say. And I think I may be on a person's ignore list at the other place but its only alerted me once. How can I stop taking this so personal. I am not like this in real life. I try to be accountable and I have no issues acknowledging if I hurt someone's feelings or need to make amends. I am starting to think I may be a terrible person and just am too dumb to get it. I am not trying to fish for compliments here, I am seriously asking if I give off a "terrible person" vibe and just not know it?
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Old 04-04-2019, 10:24 PM #2
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

I'm going to be honest with you here. People do crap that is just hurtful without reason or remorse. It's hard to not take those things personally - I know because I am dealing with a lot of that myself lately in the wake of my last episode in which almost ALL of my support system just up and left and just didn't care.

It taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that the world is unforgiving, so WE must make the world a better place for ourselves. You know what I mean? What I am saying is my new attitude is I am going to be selfish. I am going to look out for me #1 and put myself above all others and I honestly think you should do the same.

You think you're blunt and too honest? Own it! If that girl blocked you, you have to let it go cause you can't control her actions, and I know for me that's the hardest part. I think because we are behind a screen its TOO easy to just "click" and block and not have to explain yourself to anyone. It all part of the accepted "ghosting" now.

You are doing great - especially if you don't block anyone because you value what people say, I appreciate that a lot.

And, if you want a friend I am just a message away!
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Old 04-04-2019, 10:57 PM #3
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

I must admit I was shocked by this feature as well, SarahSweets. The first time it happened to me I was appalled. I went to reply to a post from someone I'd posted back and forth with, and I was abruptly told this person had put me on their "ignore" list. I was deeply hurt. I had tried my best to respond to the person's posts and had no idea why they would do that to me.

It happened to me again the other day, and once again I had no idea why.

All I can say to you is that I don't take this kind of thing lightly, and I will not forget who those people are or the message they were sending to me, for no reason I was aware of. I will certainly never try to contact or communicate with those people again.

It would be beyond me why they even allow this type of thing on this forum, which is supposed to be supportive, except that I suppose they are supporting the right of each individual member to choose whom they wish to interact with.

Anyway, I certainly relate to your feelings here.

And by the way, I hope you are recovering well from your surgery! I know it probably seems like forever.
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Old 04-05-2019, 01:16 AM #4
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I try really hard to give advice or support and I know that I can be direct or blunt. Its the ignore function thats getting to me. I just realized that I am on someone's ignore list and I liked her and thought she liked me. It drives me mad that I cant apologize or make things right. I do not have anyone on my ignore list her or at another forum I use because I believe there is value in what most people say. And I think I may be on a person's ignore list at the other place but its only alerted me once. How can I stop taking this so personal. I am not like this in real life. I try to be accountable and I have no issues acknowledging if I hurt someone's feelings or need to make amends. I am starting to think I may be a terrible person and just am too dumb to get it. I am not trying to fish for compliments here, I am seriously asking if I give off a "terrible person" vibe and just not know it?
the ignore feature isnt about you. its about the person who has you on ignore.

heres an example

if you were out walking and you saw a green car that got hit by a blue car. then the next day while you are out walking a blue car passes you. the driver and car didnt do anything to you, but suddenly you are having a panic attack because you are remembering that accident you witnessed the day before.

it was no ones fault just an accident but the colors blue and green cause you to have a panic attach every time you see one. what do you do... ?

most people avoid or make is so that they dont have to be around those colors until they are in a place where those colors dont bother them any more. they ignore it, they take a different route on their walk they do everything they can to not get that panic attack even if it means looking down while they walk instead of seeing the colors blue and green.

the online ignore feature is like that. its not about you and whether you are a good person or not. its about that other persons triggers. the ignore feature is a self care feature that allows others to control their self and their own triggers.

there are many times when I come online and I may have a handful of people on ignore and other days only those that asked to be there and still other times lots of people. its not about the people, its about my own triggers. today that trigger may be a color seen in someones post or tomorrow it may be a legless animal seen in someones post, or it may be that I just dont want to see that topic every time I am reading...

my point is its not you, the ignore feature is nether a punishment nor says whether someone is good or bad, its just about that persons own triggers and that they are taking good self care of them selves.
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Old 04-05-2019, 04:01 AM #5
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Yes some people purpously need to do this to make themselves feel better as they don't feel good as you do about just about anything you could think of!!!
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:30 AM #6
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

You're NOT an horrible person, sarahsweets! I completely agree with what all the other wonderful people on this thread have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can! I understand why you'd feel hurt by all of this, but that DOESN'T mean that you're an horrible person or that you're coming across that way! I completely agree with what amandalouise has already wisely said! Some people just need to protect themselves from certain topics or triggers! It doesn't mean they have necessarely something against you! Even if they do have, try not to take it too personally! We can't expect everyone to like us after all, right? Sometimes it can happen! There's nothgin wrong with that and there's CERTAINLY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Please remember that! Please don't be so hard on yourself and when you're feeling down by all of this, please remember all the nice, wonderful things that people have said about you! Try to repeat to yourself "I'm a kind and valuable human being!" in fron of the mirror until you believe it and you feel a bit better about it, because IT IS TRUE and we all know that! Please be kind to yourself, ok? You did nothing wrong! You're a strong, wonderful person and WE ALL KNOW THAT! Sending many hugs to you, sarahsweets! YOU ROCK!
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:48 AM #7
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Itís not personal and could be done for number of reasons, same way we are selective who we talk to irl, we could be selective online.

Ignore feature could prevent people from PMing you some strange things or prevent you from seeing their posts if you find them nonsensical.

I am pretty sure I am on some peopleís ignore lists, Iíve no idea and they have their rights not to see my posts. Doesnít make them bad people not wanting to read what I have to say. I donít think I am that important

Sure everyone has value but you donít talk to everyone irl so itís only expected that someone wouldnít want to talk to you on here or youíd want to stay away from someone. Itís not something you did, itís just people have rights not to read your posts
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:58 AM #8
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

I would say, you just didnt know The Rules when you first got here? And some of your earlier responses were kinda harsh. I started out the same way, and some of mine still are too pointed. I hurt peoples feelings and they will never trust me again. Hopefully this post of yours will show people that you are desirous and worthy of a second chance.
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Old 04-05-2019, 12:34 PM #9
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Hey Sarahsweets, I don't think you're a bad person either... but I'm also someone who gets hurt easily by bluntness (sorry!).

I hope you can take AmandaLouise's explanation to heart, I think she did a really great job explaining!

I *do* use the ignore list, so it surprises me that so many people are so against it. For me, there are a couple people that just... routinely... end up posting in ways destabilize me. Sometimes, it's people that I can't read without wanting to argue with them, which wouldn't be helpful for me or the other people on the forum and sometimes it's stuff that just feels hurtful, even if it's not meant that way, because of my own stuff.

I tend to be all over the place emotionally, and highly reactive to stuff. So, being able to filter out posts from people that routinely trigger me in that way is super helpful.

I've *never* put someone on ignore out of spite or to purposefully upset them or convey a message to them . It's always been out of self-preservation!

As an example of what I mean... this is not from the forums, but when I was researching who to do neurofeedback with, one of the people that I contacted was sort of sarcastic to me in response to my questions. His response literally ruined my day - I had felt fine before, and I just crashed, became very depressed, and ended up in bed crying. It's definitely very much an "over reaction" - in the sense of being not proportional to what was said - but that's where I'm at emotionally and what my brain does right now! This is really difficult to deal with, it feels like little things from the world can just be *devasting* at times, even when they're clearly not ill-intentioned. Thus, the "ignore" function feels a bit like a life-saver to me.

I know this doesn't really explain what happened with the person that you had been chatting with, but hopefully it gives some insight.

*hugs*
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Old 04-05-2019, 06:14 PM #10
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Default Re: Am I an awful person but not able to realize it?

Who cares? I just wish it would show before I write a nice, comforting post that takes like 40 minutes to write, than BEEP, sorry you can't post it, you're blocked.

Also I have someone on ignore because I was TOLD TO. That person got sorta mad I think and blocked me back. Of course I couldn't explain that it wasn't my choice.

I know I'm a nice person but here I keep people at arms length because no one should get any ideas of befriending me.

Forced niceness is kind of hard. I can't tell it from the real thing. I don't wanna be fooled, yannow?
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