When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty seats - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-23-2019, 03:26 PM #11
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
You see I have always viewed the opposite as being unfortunate and unfriendly. I have seen the efforts made not to sit by people as offensive. Maybe this comes from having grown up feeling no one wanted to sit by me. I took people taking seats away from me as appallingly mean - there must be something wrong with me that they don't want to sit beside me. So I guess that is why I make a point of sitting next to people on public transit. I do so not to make them uncomfortable but rather the opposite. It is my way of indicating I accept them. A shame to learn this kind effort is backfiring.

I ask those of you of the mindset this is rude to consider the possible true intent of the next person who sits down beside you. Are they trying to be actually nice and observe some social etiquette perhaps?
It probably varies in different locations with different social norms. Most people donít talk even when they sit next to me or someone else. That is nice that you want to make others feel good though.
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Old 04-23-2019, 03:28 PM #12
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Yeah youre entering somebodys personal space. I recently saw idk on tv or at the movies people getting crowded together on like a Japanese subway train? And just watching it on tv i felt claustrophobic!

It is a shame that my first reaction to someone sitting near me is, i hope this person doesnt stab me.
Iíve seen that too. Yeah it looks claustrophobic. It sometimes happens on the subway where I live but not to that extent and only on special occasions.
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Old 04-23-2019, 03:28 PM #13
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

I think for me, with my claustrophobia and anxiety it's just a bit too intense for me. If you maybe sat a seat or two away instead of right next to me that'd be great. We can still talk but I don't feel overwhelmed.
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Old 04-23-2019, 06:50 PM #14
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

It is common knowledge in the western world, that sitting next to someone on public transport when there are other seats available is incredibly rude. I find it very hard to believe that someone who grew up in North America, Australia or the UK as examples would not know this. Exceptions would be, someone who is intellectually disabled, or from a far different culture.

Public transport is the adult world. It is not the yellow school bus or a singles mixer, and adult manners apply.

To assume someone would be crestfallen if you did not sit next to them, in a public space, when there are other seats available is shockingly conceited. It's not friendly, it's controlling, and it's putting your desires and needs above the other passenger's.
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:59 PM #15
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by catsullivan91 View Post
I think for me, with my claustrophobia and anxiety it's just a bit too intense for me. If you maybe sat a seat or two away instead of right next to me that'd be great. We can still talk but I don't feel overwhelmed.
Yeah I agree. At least one empty seat in between me and someone else is way better.
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Old 04-23-2019, 11:03 PM #16
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by lightly toasted View Post
It is common knowledge in the western world, that sitting next to someone on public transport when there are other seats available is incredibly rude. I find it very hard to believe that someone who grew up in North America, Australia or the UK as examples would not know this. Exceptions would be, someone who is intellectually disabled, or from a far different culture.

Public transport is the adult world. It is not the yellow school bus or a singles mixer, and adult manners apply.

To assume someone would be crestfallen if you did not sit next to them, in a public space, when there are other seats available is shockingly conceited. It's not friendly, it's controlling, and it's putting your desires and needs above the other passenger's.
Yeah I agree. I know when I have been forced to sot next to someone and then I moved once an empty seat was available where I wouldnít be by someone, I can be you a hundred dollars the person I was originally sitting next to was thinking thank you for moving, now I can have space. I know Iíve thought that so others definitely will. And I actually get very uncomfortable and anxious when seats open up and someone who is next to me wonít move.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:18 AM #17
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

Lol....if they are a talker they probably sense I'm one too. I have had some totally awesome conversations with people I don't know that way.
I never force conversations by talking to them. A nod to acknowledge they are there. If they like to talk great....I am usually open for talking. Otherwise a nice quiet ride is good too.

Maybe that started as a child when I rode the train chair car from Los Angeles to Topeka every summer. Long boring ride just sitting there without talking to anyone even with books to read.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:53 AM #18
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

I currently do not take public transport because there isn't any in this little town, but I have had this happen. Also it has happened in restaurants, the classroom, etc. I am such that I will simply get up and move. I mean. A bus with the seating capacity for 55, and there are 5 people on the bus. Like my apron at work has written on it... Go. Away.
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Old 04-24-2019, 12:35 PM #19
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Lol....if they are a talker they probably sense I'm one too. I have had some totally awesome conversations with people I don't know that way.
I never force conversations by talking to them. A nod to acknowledge they are there. If they like to talk great....I am usually open for talking. Otherwise a nice quiet ride is good too.

Maybe that started as a child when I rode the train chair car from Los Angeles to Topeka every summer. Long boring ride just sitting there without talking to anyone even with books to read.
Yeah I donít force it either.
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Old 04-24-2019, 12:35 PM #20
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Default Re: When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty sea

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Originally Posted by Medusax View Post
I currently do not take public transport because there isn't any in this little town, but I have had this happen. Also it has happened in restaurants, the classroom, etc. I am such that I will simply get up and move. I mean. A bus with the seating capacity for 55, and there are 5 people on the bus. Like my apron at work has written on it... Go. Away.
Yeah it drives me crazy.
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