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Default May 17, 2019 at 10:25 PM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
When you post on PC, what are you seeking?
Ultimately, I am trying to be accepted by humanity, and no longer thought of as an "other". Whenever I choose to interact with human beings, I am seeking information about how to make you change your minds and behavior. Of course, the last thing human beings want to do is change either, so they will fight me tooth-and-nail and do whatever it takes to prevent me from achieving my goal.

When I ask a question here on this board, what I want is a straight answer - but you won't give it to me, for the above reasons. Instead, you go through the dance of asking me questions you know I don't have the answer to (because you never let me have the information in the first place) and pretend you can't answer me without that information. It's all a game you play to frustrate me in a way you can blame me for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
Sheesh, take a look at yourself and what is going on in this thread and there is your answer. Yes, I am being blunt but you are demanding that of me with your tone. I am merely reacting to it. And this is what others are reacting to and so strongly at that. The manner you are conducting yourself is what your are doing wrong. Take that chip off your shoulder. Stop blaming everyone else. It is yourself that needs the correcting.
No, it isn't. You're merely using my justifiably frustrated "tone" as an excuse for your abuse. If I didn't act this way, you'd simply use a lesser flaw as an excuse, and if there were no flaws, you'd simply fault me for not having faults! You're not acting in good faith; you're merely seeking an excuse for the behavior you were always going to express towards me. I've spent forty years behaving exactly as you've asked and it has given me nothing but the same abuse I've always been given. Don't give me this garbage about how you'll treat me better if I act better; that's only a ruse to exhaust me and kick me while I'm down. You had forty years of good behavior in which to treat me better and not one of you humans ever did. Why should I reward your bad behavior with good?

And who the heck are you to tell me I need "correcting"? I have spent my entire life improving myself to make myself beyond your reproach and all you people have done is invent new reasons to hate me. I have outsmarted, out-worked, and out-helped most of the human race and all I've ever gotten for it was punishment. I am not the one who needs "correcting"; I'm not the one abusing a six-year-old child well into his forties. I am doing everything exactly correct. Any problems you perceive is due to the fact that you need correcting, not me. Until humanity stops abusing me there is not one single person with the authority to judge me. Who the heck are you abusers to tell me I'm doing wrong?

When people lay into me, they're not "reacting" to something I've done - they are the first actors abusing me BEFORE I'VE DONE ANYTHING TO THEM OR ANYONE ELSE!!! This is not about people punishing me for things I've actually done - this is about people behaving purely by instinct and not caring about the consequences. I never start these battles; I'm always defending my self against you people. Even this conversation is simply me defending myself in a continuing war you all started with me when I was a defenseless child. You all attacked me first. Period. Any perception of anything different is your subconscious lying to you to protect your self-identity. You may not consciously want to abuse me, but your subconscious forces you too and will fill your head with lies to make it happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You are expecting human beings to know more than they do and to be able to give you something that can fix you or what you see wrong in humanity.
You broke it - you bought it. You are absolutely responsible for "fixing" me as it's your abuse that broke me! And you all have the nerve to complain about my supposed lack of "responsibility". My responsibility is to not yield until you uphold your responsibility.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You carry a lot of anger because your parents failed to make the world safer for you. You are angry because you did not have parents that protected you so you could grow up feeling safe amongst other human beings.
Quit obsessing about my parents. Even if my parents were perfectly caring and supporting, your hatred and refusal to accept me would have done the same thing. Nothing my parents could have done would have stopped your abuse. You all chose to abuse me of your own free will, completely free of any influence from me or my parents.

I am dying because of you people, and you can't even muster up any shame for murdering an innocent man, much less abusing a child. Quit telling me what's "wrong" with me, and examine yourselves for a change. I know for a stone-cold fact no one outside this board does; I'm frankly shocked by the lack of introspection here.

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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:01 PM
  #22
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Quit obsessing about my parents. Even if my parents were perfectly caring and supporting, your hatred and refusal to accept me would have done the same thing. Nothing my parents could have done would have stopped your abuse. You all chose to abuse me of your own free will, completely free of any influence from me or my parents.
You don't know me so you have no right to accuse me of anything or accuse me of being responsible for your problems either.
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:19 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by TheUrOther View Post
Ultimately, I am trying to be accepted by humanity, and no longer thought of as an "other". Whenever I choose to interact with human beings, I am seeking information about how to make you change your minds and behavior. Of course, the last thing human beings want to do is change either, so they will fight me tooth-and-nail and do whatever it takes to prevent me from achieving my goal.

When I ask a question here on this board, what I want is a straight answer - but you won't give it to me, for the above reasons. Instead, you go through the dance of asking me questions you know I don't have the answer to (because you never let me have the information in the first place) and pretend you can't answer me without that information. It's all a game you play to frustrate me in a way you can blame me for.


No, it isn't. You're merely using my justifiably frustrated "tone" as an excuse for your abuse. If I didn't act this way, you'd simply use a lesser flaw as an excuse, and if there were no flaws, you'd simply fault me for not having faults! You're not acting in good faith; you're merely seeking an excuse for the behavior you were always going to express towards me. I've spent forty years behaving exactly as you've asked and it has given me nothing but the same abuse I've always been given. Don't give me this garbage about how you'll treat me better if I act better; that's only a ruse to exhaust me and kick me while I'm down. You had forty years of good behavior in which to treat me better and not one of you humans ever did. Why should I reward your bad behavior with good?

And who the heck are you to tell me I need "correcting"? I have spent my entire life improving myself to make myself beyond your reproach and all you people have done is invent new reasons to hate me. I have outsmarted, out-worked, and out-helped most of the human race and all I've ever gotten for it was punishment. I am not the one who needs "correcting"; I'm not the one abusing a six-year-old child well into his forties. I am doing everything exactly correct. Any problems you perceive is due to the fact that you need correcting, not me. Until humanity stops abusing me there is not one single person with the authority to judge me. Who the heck are you abusers to tell me I'm doing wrong?

When people lay into me, they're not "reacting" to something I've done - they are the first actors abusing me BEFORE I'VE DONE ANYTHING TO THEM OR ANYONE ELSE!!! This is not about people punishing me for things I've actually done - this is about people behaving purely by instinct and not caring about the consequences. I never start these battles; I'm always defending my self against you people. Even this conversation is simply me defending myself in a continuing war you all started with me when I was a defenseless child. You all attacked me first. Period. Any perception of anything different is your subconscious lying to you to protect your self-identity. You may not consciously want to abuse me, but your subconscious forces you too and will fill your head with lies to make it happen.


You broke it - you bought it. You are absolutely responsible for "fixing" me as it's your abuse that broke me! And you all have the nerve to complain about my supposed lack of "responsibility". My responsibility is to not yield until you uphold your responsibility.


Quit obsessing about my parents. Even if my parents were perfectly caring and supporting, your hatred and refusal to accept me would have done the same thing. Nothing my parents could have done would have stopped your abuse. You all chose to abuse me of your own free will, completely free of any influence from me or my parents.

I am dying because of you people, and you can't even muster up any shame for murdering an innocent man, much less abusing a child. Quit telling me what's "wrong" with me, and examine yourselves for a change. I know for a stone-cold fact no one outside this board does; I'm frankly shocked by the lack of introspection here.
Nobody has a right to judge you TheUrOther. I agree.

Nobody has a right to abuse you. I agree.

Could we please start here from scratch? Hello TheUrOther, my name here is Silver Trees. Not my birth name as you probably know but it works for me on an anonymous forum because I have been hurt deeply in life and I can share my ideas and feelings safely here without revealing my name or face.

I can tell that you have been deeply hurt too...that you are still deeply hurt. I wish that wasn't the case. I am sorry that people have hurt you so very much.

I got my profile name from a poem. Do you enjoy poetry TheUrOther? I will share a poem with you if you are interested. Just let me know.

When I have felt in despair and at a loss for how to understand others, I turn to nature. Trees, water, the stars. What do you think TheUrOther? How do you feel about nature? Do you enjoy camping, hiking alone through a peaceful forest? Lying on soft grass and watching the stars a while?
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:23 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You don't know me so you have no right to accuse me of anything or accuse me of being responsible for your problems either.

I don't have to know you - you are a human being, and any quirk ascribed to the "individual" you is irrelevant. You are a member of groups, whose members are also members of groups, so on and so forth, all combining to be this world-wide social network that none of you let me join. That's all I need to know about humanity; information about so-called "individuals" is irrelevant. If you want to be treated like a true individual, start acting independently from others and stop treating me like everyone else does.

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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:26 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Nobody has a right to judge you TheUrOther. I agree.

Nobody has a right to abuse you. I agree.
Yet you'll do nothing to stop them. What is the use of agreeing or disagreeing if you're not willing to enforce your assertion?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Could we please start here from scratch?
That's not a realistic possibility; I've never known a time without abuse, so I have no idea what "scratch" would be. As far as I know, the genie was out of the bottle before I was born - there's no way to put it back in.

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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:32 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by TheUrOther View Post
Yet you'll do nothing to stop them. What is the use of agreeing or disagreeing if you're not willing to enforce your assertion?


That's not a realistic possibility; I've never known a time without abuse, so I have no idea what "scratch" would be. As far as I know, the genie was out of the bottle before I was born - there's no way to put it back in.
Thank you for telling me your candid truth TheUrOther. That's not easy to do, right?

I understand what you mean about the genie out of the bottle before birth...I have felt like that many times....some formula or secret to life that was not shared with me. I often wonder why I am here. What's my purpose in life? If there's no way to put the genie back, where do we go from here?
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:47 PM
  #27
Do you enjoy fiction at all The UrOther? Fiction with some very relevant human themes? I like Ian McEwan. He has a new one called 'Machines Like Me.' Set in an imaginary time in London in the 80s where people can buy life-like robots and complications ensue. I haven't read a lot of it yet but I think it's a good one. It seems like an exploration of Artificial Intelligence but I feel that maybe it's a deeper look at humanity. What do you think TheUrOther? Am I way off?
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:51 PM
  #28
"Yet you'll do nothing to stop them. What is the use of agreeing or disagreeing if you're not willing to enforce your assertion?"

What do you suppose I should be doing to help TheUrOther?

You also mentioned in an earlier post that you have a question for us on PC....what is your question? I feel we have covered a lot of ground here. So I'm sorry if I missed it....would you mind repeating your question for us here?
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:51 PM
  #29
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Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Thank you for telling me your candid truth TheUrOther. That's not easy to do, right?

I can't do anything else. I'm morally bound to not tell that which has not been pre-established to be true. I try to be as tactful as possible when the situation demands, but I cannot deliberately lie.

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Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
I understand what you mean about the genie out of the bottle before birth...I have felt like that many times....some formula or secret to life that was not shared with me.

It seems like human behavior is this cryptographic secret that looks like perfectly random noise - unless you have the passcode that then isolates the cause-and-effect from the irrationality. Without it, I can't learn what causes which effects - every human's behavior is completely random to me, with no way to learn why you behave the way you do. There's mathematically no pattern in the madness.

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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:55 PM
  #30
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Originally Posted by TheUrOther View Post
I can't do anything else. I'm morally bound to not tell that which has not been pre-established to be true. I try to be as tactful as possible when the situation demands, but I cannot deliberately lie.



It seems like human behavior is this cryptographic secret that looks like perfectly random noise - unless you have the passcode that then isolates the cause-and-effect from the irrationality. Without it, I can't learn what causes which effects - every human's behavior is completely random to me, with no way to learn why you behave the way you do. There's mathematically no pattern in the madness.
I understand you very well TheUrOther. I don't have the passcode either and sometimes that hurts so much. Sometimes I try not to think about it. I have often felt like an alien from another planet yet I was born a human to human parents. And I don't understand why when I have all these alien ideas.
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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:58 PM
  #31
"cryptographic secret"

beautifully put! I like that.

You sound like a mathematician or physicist....may I ask if you are or is that too personal? It's okay to tell me if I over-step.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 12:20 AM
  #32
I am going to go and rest now TheUrOther. I hope you find some peaceful rest tonight too. Maybe we'll talk again on the forums. Or feel free to send me a private message. No pressure. I'll tell you what I often tell myself when I'm confused and doubting the world...
The stars continue to appear each night. All is well.


Ps. I don't perceive you as an "other." You appear to me as human as myself. I don't always understand my humanity but it's still there.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 02:13 AM
  #33
Close - I'm a computer programmer. Lots of math involved, and sometimes it involves physics simulations and/or formulas...
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Default May 18, 2019 at 11:46 AM
  #34
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Close - I'm a computer programmer. Lots of math involved, and sometimes it involves physics simulations and/or formulas...
Interesting. May I ask what drew you to programming?
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Default May 18, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  #35
Had a computer with easy "for dummies"-like programming manual made available to me when I was 9 or so. I just started following the book, then tried writing my own games in BASIC. I pretty much took off with it since.

It's hard to get a job because no one takes me seriously, despite my skill and experience. I literally have to charge half rate - and am still only employed half the time, on average.

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Default May 18, 2019 at 12:55 PM
  #36
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Had a computer with easy "for dummies"-like programming manual made available to me when I was 9 or so. I just started following the book, then tried writing my own games in BASIC. I pretty much took off with it since.

It's hard to get a job because no one takes me seriously, despite my skill and experience. I literally have to charge half rate - and am still only employed half the time, on average.
Sounds like a tough gig. How far do you get before the barriers arise? Resume? Interview? (If you'd rather not talk about it, no problem.)
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Default May 18, 2019 at 02:18 PM
  #37
"Resume" - sending in the same resume with a different name but same experience gets triple the reply.

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Default May 18, 2019 at 06:25 PM
  #38
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"Resume" - sending in the same resume with a different name but same experience gets triple the reply.
Then would you say it could be that they know you from Somewhere? Recognize the name? If it’s just a name. I would actually ask politely for them to explain why they aren’t calling you? Yet they call for the same resume under different name?
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Default May 18, 2019 at 07:52 PM
  #39
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Then would you say it could be that they know you from Somewhere? Recognize the name? If it’s just a name. I would actually ask politely for them to explain why they aren’t calling you? Yet they call for the same resume under different name?

Of course they "know me from somewhere" - my detractors spread rumors and lies about me whenever they get the chance. It's all a strategy to deny me any allies and other resources so they can prey on me without interference.

Any inquiries are refused, and I am accused of fraud and other things when I reveal what I've done, and they pledge to make sure I never get a job in the industry again.

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Default May 18, 2019 at 08:22 PM
  #40
That sounds like a really tough position to be in TheUrOther. Sorry you are going through that. How do you manage it? Are there things that bring you comfort? Things you like to do at home when you aren't dealing with other people?
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