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Old 05-15-2019, 12:07 AM #1
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Default Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

Why is it that people expect me to be responsible for both my own behavior and theirs? Why do people feel entitled to foist their responsibilities onto me?

It's one thing if I went out of my way to deliberately act badly toward other people - that is definitely my fault and my responsibility. The problem is when people are outraged to the point of violence in response to me simply living my life by myself. Everyone expects me to stop acting entirely to satisfy some "responsibility" to not offend them. It's literally not safe for me to go out and do simple chores because literally any action can provoke people to outrage and violence. They fully expect me to micro-manage their own emotions for them, all the while absolutely refusing to exercise one iota of control over themselves. Why do people (all people, randomly chosen - not just a subgroup of abusers) do this?

It is completely immoral to force me to modify my actions that do not harm anyone simply because people can't control their emotions - especially when they demand *I* control my emotions to the point of strangulation at all times.
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Old 05-15-2019, 09:02 AM #2
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

I think you DO need to modify your actions. If people are responding to you to the extent you are suggesting then that indicates a very real problem of inappropriate behaviour - which you must take responsibility for.

We each have a responsibility for our actions. The end does not always justify the means. Every action has a reaction equal to it. If you are behaving outrageously for example then expect a correspondingly big reaction. It is a safe assumption that if people are reacting so fiercely to you that it is on account of inappropriate behaviour. Cause and effect. It is quite simple really. If you don't want people flying off the handle at you then you need to adjust your behaviour accordingly. There is nothing immoral about this at all. If anything is questionably immoral that is possibly your own behaviour and not theirs.
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Old 05-15-2019, 10:41 AM #3
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
I think you DO need to modify your actions. If people are responding to you to the extent you are suggesting then that indicates a very real problem of inappropriate behaviour - which you must take responsibility for.
My behavior is no worse - and often times far better - than the people who are raging. These people are acting in bad faith, cursing me for the exact same behavior they applaud in others.

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Every action has a reaction equal to it.
In the realm of human behavior, that is absolutely not true. Human emotions are a random value generator, and the reactions generated have provably no correlation to their trigger.

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If you are behaving outrageously for example then expect a correspondingly big reaction.
Who judges "outrageous" - and why do you assume they're doing so in good faith? They have every incentive to act in bad faith to maintain their advantage, their social power over me. I am objectively doing nothing wrong - I'm not even interacting with these people, and yet they rage at me for simply walking by.

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It is a safe assumption that if people are reacting so fiercely to you that it is on account of inappropriate behaviour. Cause and effect.
That is a bald-faced lie. There is no cause and effect in human emotional behavior - this is provable by mathematical analysis. People react at random and do so without me doing anything.

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If anything is questionably immoral that is possibly your own behaviour and not theirs.
How is literally not doing anything to others immoral? I go out of my way to keep out of other people's way and not do anything to them, yet they hate my very existence!

I have spent my life changing for these people, and all that has proven is that they are not acting based on what I do; they hate me for what they perceive me to be. I have made a point of behaving better than they do, and they hate me because I make them look bad. I avoid people at all costs, and they still rage against me.

You are blaming me for the actions other people take out of their own free will, un-triggered by anything I do. You are writing in bad faith.
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Old 05-15-2019, 01:13 PM #4
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

What is your living situation? A home of some kind? A treatment center? What ever, it seems very Controlling.
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Old 05-15-2019, 03:22 PM #5
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

I am sorry TheUrOther, unfortunately, a lot of people do not understand how crippling PTSD can get. Some people have it worse than others, they are so extremely sensitive that just going out can feel painfully unsafe. I actually thought about you recently when the trauma therapist I am now seeing talked about how some ptsd patients NEED to feel hyper vigiliant in order to feel safe. These individuals don't feel safe enough to actually relax and allow themselves to experience feeling a neutral in their mind and body. My therapist did an Acceleratated Resolution Therapy session with me and got me to experience this neutral, and I have to say that I had not realized I did not actually know what that felt like. My entire body felt different, and all my muscles felt like weak jelly. I thought OMG, is this what normal is supposed to feel like? I did not know what to think about how different I felt. And I was exhausted for a couple of days after that too. That is actually normal to feel tired because the body is finally allowed to actually relax instead of constantly being pumped up with cortozol. Well, for myself I did not get to enjoy that for very long because I ended up having some bad upsetting things to deal with that hit me hard. I believe you, I know how mean people can be, I have definitely been living through some toxic things in my own life. It's true that some people can behave badly, get very toxic when you don't deserve it.

That being said, if you are already hyper vigilant, you will react where some or even many would just ignore some negative things other people do or say. When someone has a history of abuse, has never really known what a safe environment actually feels like, that person can develop a constant hyper vigilant state not even knowing that is not a normal state for most people, however, it's normal to them. I do believe you genuinely feel the world of people is very unsafe. When someone has experience a lot of abuse and never got to experience what it's like to actually FEEL safe that person will not be able to understand what being safe actually means and can begin to see the world much as you have described feeling and experiencing. It's totally understandable that you would even feel "alien" too. People are going to react badly to you because they simply don't have the capacity to even begin to understand you. However, others that do have this challenge, that experience severe ptsd symptoms will understand you. Actually, I just happened to watch a little bit of a newer series called Amsterdam that is a hospital and one doctor was a psych doctor treating a patient with severe ptsd like you are describing. This doctor was getting permission to treat this patient with ecstacy which is something they have been using to help treat severe ptsd patients and have found it helpful. What impressed me is at least there is something that people can watch that provides them with some real challenges that people do experience when dealing with severe ptsd.

I have seen you react with anger and I know you have a lot of resentments towards humanity that is not recognizing or respecting the challenge you experience. Unfortunately, when you DO react so negatively, all you end up doing is actually convincing others to "fear you" and stay away from you or treat you badly even. This only adds to the frustration someone experiences from suffering from this condition. I know this because I have experienced negative people that have triggered me and I have reacted with anger myself. I have had to work very hard on this challenge. I do know that reacting with anger is not going to help me get heard either. At times it's very hard NOT to react. Each person is different depending on how much trauma that person experienced.
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Old 05-15-2019, 09:32 PM #6
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

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What is your living situation?
My own apartment - which I struggle to pay for because no one will hire me in good faith, and from which it is dangerous to leave thanks to everyone's irrational hatred.

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I actually thought about you recently when the trauma therapist I am now seeing talked about how some ptsd patients NEED to feel hyper vigiliant in order to feel safe.
This is not about what I "feel" - this is about what I can prove. I am unsafe because people do not believe I am human, do not believe I have the rights of a human, and believe they can do whatever they want to me because nothing about me matters. I am all but inanimate to them. They respect plants more.

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That being said, if you are already hyper vigilant, you will react where some or even many would just ignore some negative things other people do or say. When someone has a history of abuse, has never really known what a safe environment actually feels like, that person can develop a constant hyper vigilant state not even knowing that is not a normal state for most people, however, it's normal to them.
I'm well aware of my hypervigilance; it is an asset. I also know other people don't have it, and that's why they are so slow and unaware. Without that difference in reaction time and alertness, I would be dead - murdered by the people who irrationally hate the "other".

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I do believe you genuinely feel the world of people is very unsafe.
Again, I can prove it is unsafe for me. "Feelings" are irrelevant.

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It's totally understandable that you would even feel "alien" too.
I don't feel "alien" - I feel like a normal human being. The only hint of my alienation is the constant harassment and assault and name-calling of others insisting that I'm "alien". There's nothing wrong with me - it's my abusers who are disordered.

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People are going to react badly to you because they simply don't have the capacity to even begin to understand you.
Not being able to understand me is no excuse for treating me badly. They have an responsibility to learn and if all else fails they can peacefully avoid me. I don't chase after them - they chase after me.

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However, others that do have this challenge, that experience severe ptsd symptoms will understand you.
No, you don't. Every time I talk to you people, you make glaringly wrong assumptions about me.

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I have seen you react with anger and I know you have a lot of resentments towards humanity that is not recognizing or respecting the challenge you experience. Unfortunately, when you DO react so negatively, all you end up doing is actually convincing others to "fear you" and stay away from you or treat you badly even.
That is complete horse manure.

First, most people treat me badly before they hear me speak or see me act. They start treating me badly as soon as they know I exist, without ever observing me before. They start treating me badly with only instinct driving them. This is not about my behavior. I spent forty years not reacting to you people and it didn't make an iota of difference. I only show my anger now because I can solidly prove it doesn't matter - I will be treated like garbage no matter how well I act, so there's no point in spending the extra resources to act a certain way and further shorten my life.

Second, that is no excuse for anyone to treat me badly; I react justly to their abuse - for them to "seek revenge" against their just punishment is beyond the pale. No one has any right to treat me badly no matter how I act, because I never do anything to others that isn't justly deserved. By abusing me unprovoked as a child, they forego any authority their own opinion on the issue may have - what they think doesn't matter. If they wanted their opinions to matter, they shouldn't have abused me; punishing them by stripping the value of their opinions is one of the only ways to curtail their abuse.

Human beings at large started abusing me when I was five years old and they have never stopped. There is literally nothing I could have done at five years old to justify their behavior at any time in my life. Their abusive behavior is unjustified - FULL STOP. They are behaving badly and no human being will stop behaving badly by themselves - they need an outside force to stop them. There is no internal instinct or drive that will stop a human being from misbehaving; they must be punished from without because they have no urge to moderate their behavior from within. Human beings have no internal controls - they are out of control until someone else controls them. That is why they are unsafe. My parents spent my entire childhood torturing those controls into me; that's why I have them now. Because no one else has tortured good behavior into other people, other people cannot be trusted - they lack the very basic elements of self-discipline.
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Old 05-16-2019, 01:03 PM #7
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

I know, people can be very toxic, crewl, and dangerous and abusive. We have so many prisons full of dangerous and abusive people. Some people do live in places that are dangerous. Then there are a lot of people that are homeless too. I think homelessness is probably at an all time high in our country now.
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:42 PM #8
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

Hello TheUrOther. I am so sorry that you have experienced abuse. It was not your fault and you did not deserve it. In your current life (as opposed to when you were a child) what abuses are you experiencing? What are the specific abusive actions which affect you when you leave your home? If you give us some specific details, perhaps we can offer some ideas to help? Or are you not asking for help? Would you prefer for us to just read your posts? Each member on PC wants and needs something different.

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Old 05-16-2019, 11:31 PM #9
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

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In your current life (as opposed to when you were a child) what abuses are you experiencing?
Why would you make a distinction? Why would people suddenly change their behavior, especially when their current behavior has been this successful so far?

I'm experiencing the same abuses now as I did then, because those abuses never stopped, because people have no reason to stop those abuses. Why would they? Until some outside force larger than they are forces them to change, they have no reason to change or stop their behavior. To assume they'll change for no reason is insane.

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What are the specific abusive actions which affect you when you leave your home? If you give us some specific details, perhaps we can offer some ideas to help?
The problem with "specifics" is that even if you could provide help based on them, that help would only work for one specific event. I'd be losing resources just executing the plan; any plan I act on has to work en masse or it's simply not economical enough. I simply don't have the psychological or physiological wealth (mental and physical health) to splurge on one-offs. Humanity's grand strategy is to force me to spend myself literally to death; they were successful in making me spend beyond a survivable threshold before I realized what they were doing. I'm now dying because I sacrificed my health in order to try to be accepted not knowing that humanity never intended to accept me under any circumstances; every interaction was a con that ended in being mocked for ever thinking they'd actually treat me as an equal.

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Or are you not asking for help?
By definition you can't help me because your humanity won't let you. All humans have deep instincts that are more powerful than their conscious mind, and cannot be ignored or overridden by conscious thought or action. What I want is for people to realize their worst flaws and face them head on, instead of using us to hide from them. I want people to stop foisting their responsibilities on me and to be responsible for their own emotions and behavior. I want them to realize that their thoughts about me come from the horse manure they've either been fed or willingly devoured; nothing they think they know of me is real.

But none of that will ever happen. Humankind has made it clear that their stance that I am not a human being is the hill they are willing to die on to defend.

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Old 05-17-2019, 06:56 AM #10
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Default Re: Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

You are extremely angry and as such appear to be taking it out on the world including those people around you. I think you are walking around with a chip on your shoulder. Frankly this IS outrageous behaviour and people are going to react negatively towards it. Horse manure? It is such to say that actions and reactions are not related. To say this is an admission you refuse to take responsibility for your actions - and that just isn't acceptable. I have diagnosed PTSD too and I don't go around in life pissing people off on account of my behaviour. It would serve you better to keep your emotions in check, watch your behaviour, and try to cultivate social connections and support.
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