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Unhappy May 29, 2019 at 05:12 AM
  #1
Currently I'm dealing with my mum behaviour. I'm.not sure if is experiencing borderline personality disoder or its narcissism personaitly disorder. But I need an insight of this because its affecting my mental health.
My mum got a new job as a manager of a library and she been anxious since she started the job.
But, before she started her new role. She went on hoilday with a friend who drinks a lot. Since after her hoilday she been drinking red wine every night. Every second night is a new bottle of wine. It has increased since she started this new job.
Also my sister boyfriend who is 33 has moved in. He has no job. My mum cooks dinner for my sister and her boyfriend every night nearly.

I will add note. She hasnt been the same since her mum died 3 years ago. She never cried and only once at home. Her brothers asked me if my mum was alright and she seem pilot mode. That's what they described. Yes, her bothers have ask if my mum alright in other times. I never had chance to say no she not alright help!!! But I fear if they speak to her what I say. My mum will get very angry at me become verbal /emotionally abusive towards me.

Right now she seeks vaildation like it's going crazy. She got these boots for work. She wore them to show to me, my partner and my sister , her ex husband which is my dad who comes over visits us. And my sister's boyfriend. She go on how great these shoes are. The next day she will do it again . In the following week I got these sport shoes myself. I was wearing them. My mum notice them and thought they were nice and my partner said yeah they are nice. I could tell by my mum lifting her foot from the floor to point at her shoe again! For vaildation. I quickly change the subject. SUDDENLY! Out of now were. She grabbed the fruit bowl and put it on her head and said "Doesnt this look like a hat"! And went to my sister and her boyfriend saying that.

It was most weirdest, random thing I have ever seen my mum done over 28 years I have been a live. I even told my therapist and she asked if my mum was drunk. I said no. Which she wasnt.

One night she was drinking and play from her speaker from living room loud catholic music, sitting stearing out the window. It creeped my partner out and my sister's boyfriend out. We heard it from our bedrooms and had to close to the door to down the sound out. This was late at night.

Two nights ago. I wash two pair of pants and took my sister's clothes out from the dryer. They were slightly damped! But I thought it wouldn't take long for my two pair of pants to dry and I put my sister's clothes back in. So I did that. Then later on my mum saw my sister's clothes on pile next to the dryer, and ran to her room to tell her. I could hear her from living room saying it and saying how it probably have to be re washed. I was so angry! She did that and cause more trouble for me. I was very anxious. I was literally hyperventilating when I told my partner this.

So I just took my pants out and put her clothes back in and told her I put her in clothes back in the dryer. She seem ok with it.

On Monday my mum came out of the shower, at the evening at started acussing me and my partner for using the bath towels to dry our dog with. Which we didnt. Even my dad pointed out there is towels on the rack outside. Explaining why there maybe no towels in the cupboard. She didnt want to believe it. She went upstairs saying how the kitchen dishes went missing. Then my dad joked saying "Ooooo...creepy". Then my mum yelled from her bedroom. "Yes it is creepy". Not getting the joke. My sister and her boyfriend came in and said some thing to my mum and my mum threat she take all the towels to herself.
My sister said we be dripping wet then.


Just this night. I brought a matt for $5. Because my mum.and my sister complain about my dad cooking and him dropping water on the floor and it gets dirty. So I put it there on the kitchen floor. Then when my mum got home she disapproved it.
She said to me how I was taking over the house?
She looked down and I said to her "hey, no" and she said "Oh let me go to your house then (currently I dont have a house for myself) and put a rug there"
She then asked my partner would you put a rug in your mum's house? My partner said my mum likes rugs she buys them. My mum said excatly! (Which I dont think my mum heard excatly what my partner said) she walked off to her room saying it's her house..I got angry and said "you never appreciate what I do" I went to my room and cry. I could hear her mumbling stuff from her room upstairs. She then went to my sister's room and asked her boyfriend how he was. I was very upset at this moment. I felt she didnt care about me, since she went to talk to my sister's boyfriend. I had violate thoughts to hit her because she has emotional/verbally wounded me a lot..
For example couple years ago she called me names "pig,selfish and ******" it be over the dumb reasons. Such as I refused to put my wet washing on the rack and put it in the dryer. She call me pig, selfish or ******" I got her to stop and told her "You not going to call me those names anymore!!!" She said to me "well your diffcult " I said "Grandma would never say those words" and we all knew grandma would never swear.

When I was little she would have these massive temper. One time she threw a computer chair from.upstairs..

5 years ago she held a knife to her chest because she was upset with her mum. Asking my sister and I if she should kill herself. Luckily she put the knife in the draw. It was very scary. I was completely froze what to do. She never apologise to me but she did to my sister.

When I was a 15 years old. I went camping with my mum's family friend. I got super sick. I was voimating , daiherra it was really bad. I recalled laying on the bed and my mum said yo me "You not going to ruine this hoilday for me". I became so sick I went to hosptail and was injected stuff to make me stop throwing up. I had to stay at camping.

So that's what been happening.
I dont even have money to move nor my partner. He started a new jobs at real estate so he had to build up money before moving out. But its driving both of us nuts.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 06:15 AM
  #2
It seems like you're ALL going through an hard time, TeaFruit! I'm REALLY SORRY to hear that! From what you wrote it seems like your mother has always had these issues and that her mother's death has probably made things worse! That's what it looks like TO ME , anyway! Tell, me, does she see a therapist? Have you ever considered the option of making her seek professional help? Maybe that could help! She could learn new things and new ways to cope with her feelings and her loss! I'm not sure if she'd accept it or agree that she needs help and perhaps you've thought about that already! If you haven't just give it a try though! You've got nothing to lose! I'm afraind I don't have a lot of advice to give besides that! The best thing to do would be to just move outbut you've said that you can't at the moment! Perhaps you will be able to accumulate some money and to do that! I hope that you'll be able to do that soon! Can I ask you how old is your mother? If she continues like thisis it possible to send her to a facility care? I'm not sure! Just some thoughts for you! If she's a danger to ANYONE including HERSELF definitely call an hospital or the police! You have every right to protect yourself! I'm so sorry that you family has to put up with ALL OF THIS! It must be REALLY painful to see our loved ones get through ALL OF THIS! Just be patient and try to CAREFULLY consider your option, ok? Please keep us updated on your situation and let us know hwo things are going for you, your family, your mother and EVERYONE and what you decide to do! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! LET US KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING FOR YOU AND WHAT YOU DECIDE TO! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU THAT'S A PROMISE! STAY SAFE AND TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE AWESOME, YOU MATTER, YOU HAVE VALUE AND YOU'RE WORTH IT! YOU'RE A STRONG AND WONDERFUL PERSON! SENDING MANY HUGS TO YOU, TEAFRUIT!
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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:28 PM
  #3
I'm sorry TeaFruit I agree that moving as soon as you can would be the best thing...hope you can do it soon. In the meanwhile, try not to let her behaviour affect you too much, though it's difficult. We're here to support you

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Default May 30, 2019 at 09:06 AM
  #4
HI, TeaFruit! My mother had both personality disorders, so I understand how difficult living with your mum is. Please try to take her with a grain of salt. You will outlive her and be out on your own one day. We are here to support you. Okay?
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