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Dexter1234
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Member Since: Jun 2019
Location: Massachusetts
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3 yr Member
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 01:46 PM
  #1
I’m new here but I wanted some outside input to confirm that I’m not losing my mind lol

I’ve been suffering from generalized anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 16. I’ve seen a few therapists (briefly) and took Zoloft a few years back with some effect but haven’t taken anything in over two years and I’ve been in pretty good control overall. However, last fall I had an episode of severe symptoms (shakiness, dizziness, no appetite, GI issues, palpitations) that came on suddenly and were very difficult to shake for weeks. I got a complete medical work up and was cleared, told me it was anxiety related.

I’m nearly back to normal now, though it took some therapy, some PRN ativan that I haven’t taken since January, and a very slow re-entrance back into my social life. I still have tough moments but I’m learning how to curb the feelings on my own and feel much more like myself.

However, the last few months I have been experiencing weird “episodes” that I’ve never had before. It sometimes feels like people around me aren’t real or they’re like strangers, like my family and especially my boy friend. I usually shake it off knowing that I know very well who they are and that I care about them and it will pass. But recently it’s been more severe toward my bf. I look at him and it’s like he’s a total stranger. We’ve been together for a little over a year, we’ve been through a lot and he’s very supportive and I love him very much but I look at him and it’s like he’s someone else. Logically I know that he isn’t it’s just a very bizarre feeling. And the other night it was especially bad to the point I was laying next to him in bed having a panic attack because he didn’t feel real to me.

I’m currently waiting for an appointment with a new therapist but I wanted to know; has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Is this how derealization works? Is it something else? I’ve never really heard of anything like this before and it’s terrifying and I’m afraid to talk to anyone about it for fear of judgement or worry - especially my boyfriend who is my biggest support.

Any advice would be great, thanks!!
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eskielover
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Default Jun 19, 2019 at 05:46 PM
  #2
My experience with derealization/ depersonalization was different but when I explained it to my pdoc that is what he said I was experiencing.

For me it was like watching myself in a movie. I distinctly remember the first experience. I was on the hay bales getting them down to feed the horses at the ranch. All of a sudden I was watching myself do this rather than doing it myself. Someone came up & asked me a question. While I was answering I wondered how I knew what to answer.....I felt totally separated from myself. My H at the time was driving & wanted to stop at the grocery store. I was afraid to stay in the car but was wondering how I could even manage. I followed behind my H watching myself do that too. It was scary when I had no idea what was happening.

I had several other experiences like that after leaving my H & moving alone across the country. I needed something from the store in town when it hit. I had to focus on what I needed or I never would have gotten in & out of the store. Another time it hit when I was with a large group of people. I got this real "spacey" (best way I could describe it) feeling & had to walk outside trying to get my grounding back.

Turns out my really good T I have now explained that derealization is a coping skill for stress. It becomes a problem when it is out of. Control & effects our life negatively.

Go ahead & talk to your new T when you see them. That is the best person to talk to about it.

I had gone through a trauma just before it hit the first time & was also having serious marriage issues that was causing me extreme anger issues....actually seeing red when I had to deal with the H so my stress level & some PTSD was foundational to my experience.

It is hard to determine all the different possible ways this can manifest itself in each person. Your new T will know best. Good place to start

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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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