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Ladybugbabe
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Confused Jun 20, 2019 at 10:45 PM
  #1
I care about other people, I don't like to hurt anyone and I don't like hurting other peoples feelings, everything I've read says narcissists love that stuff. But I am very self obsessed, whenever I text something funny I go back and read it over and over, I refresh my Instagram to check for likes constantly after I post, and I look at the picture and admire myself. I know it's weird but I find it very difficult to stop. I also always put myself first, and I find little tasks so difficult to the point where I can have a panic attack about it, everyone always says it's stupid and childish but I tried don't mean to. I find myself very attractive, but I deeply hate my personality, so much so that I constantly belittle myself. I don't understand what this is and it's so hard to tell doctors cause I don't want them to label me and judge me. Any advice is really appreciated
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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 06:54 AM
  #2
No, I don't believe you are. In my experiences with narcissists they are very self absorbed people who generally have no trouble using people to their own end. It does not matter to them that they hurt feelings and trample upon others. The end to them justifies the means, and the end to them is to establish an every-widening circle of those who clamour for their attention and inclusion around them.

My former spouse was/is a narcissist. Oh I think he was well aware of the pain he caused me and I am sure it was likely he at times did feel bad about it. But his need to be the center of attention outweighed his need to be a reliable and supportive partner. He wasn't very kind to me - or to the likes of those who would not give him the attention he felt he was owed. A sociopath on the other hand would not care. A narcissist I think is self aware of their status.

I don't see you as either. I am unsure though to label you of any disorder or diagnosis.
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Smile Jun 21, 2019 at 02:14 PM
  #3
Hello Ladybugbabe: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of NPD. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/narci...lity-disorder/

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you whether or not you could be diagnosable as being a narcissist. However, just from a lay-person's point of view, I would have to say you don't sound like a narcissist to me. Of course lots of people, especially nowadays it seems, have narcissistic characteristics to their personalities. I believe I do as well. However there is a difference between having some narcissistic personality traits & being a true narcissist.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that discuss the differences between narcissistic personality disorder & narcissism. The first article is by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. The fourth link is to PC's narcissistic personality quiz:

The Difference Between Narcissism & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Normal Narcissism

7 Things You'll Never See a Narcissist Do

Narcissistic Personality Quiz | Psych Central

In addition to the narcissistic personality quiz there are lots of additional quizzes & tests you might take in an effort to better understand your personality. Here's a link to the listing of quizzes & tests that are available:

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 04:17 PM
  #4
We need to do to the word, "narcissist," what doctors have done to the word, "alcoholic" - stop using it. Doctors now speak of "persons with an alcohol use disorder." What are those persons like? It depends on the person. Some are violent; some are not. Some are lazy; some work hard. Being an alcohol abuser is one aspect of a person's make-up. To know what that person is like, one would have to know other things about the person. Some persons have an involvement with alcohol that is so extreme that it becomes the defining dynamic of their life. For lots of people who drink too much, that is not necessarily true. They have other stuff going on, some of which may be positive and some of which may not be. Years ago, it was decided in hospitals, that it was wrong to refer to an inpatient as "the gallbladder case in Room 117." That person is more than just their gallbladder. A person with an alcohol use disorder is more than just their drinking behavior. Likewise, a person with narcissistic tendencies is more than just those tendencies.

Everywhere you look, now, there are articles and books and videos claiming to explain what "a narcissist" is like. That's a bunch of nonsense. There is no generic "narcissist." Being "narcissistic" is one personality trait amongst many. A lazy person who is narcissistic will have a very different life from a hard-working narcissistic person. I knew a flamingly narcissistic lady who was kind. Talking with her was a tedious chore because she couldn't listen for 15 seconds, but talked incessantly about herself. The only reason I bothered at all was because she was quite a gentle person who seemed to not have a mean bone in her body. Listening to her could literally drive you crazy, but I never knew her to harm anyone. She, herself, was constantly being victimized by people who would control her by feeding her the constant flattery she craved. (She was rich, and this is how they got to her money. She ended up indigent.)

Suppose, Lady bug, that you do have some narcissistic tendencies. That would be just one feature of your personality. I would have to know a lot more about you to have any idea what kind of a person you are. A really good psychiatrist would tell you the same thing. (Don't ever accept a diagnosis from a mere therapist. They don't have the requisite training or education. It's not just about checking off 5 criteria from a list in the DSM. A robot can be programmed to do that. Psychiatric insight requires more than following algorhythms.)

It is understandable that insecure people may seek to reassure themselves of having some worth by scrutinizing themselves in a way that seems very self-absorbed in a quest to find what might be admirable in their own make-up and behavior. Distinguishing that from narcissism cannot be accomplished by a computer program or by checking off things on a list. That takes life experience and wisdom. (Not all MDs who've completed a psychiatric residency have what it takes either.) Much of what goes into a psych diagnosis is the practitioner's own subjective response to a particular patient. There is no way to make that process completely objective, no matter what the DSM and some "experts" might want you to believe. Medicine is part science and a large part art. Renaming "psychiatry" as "neuropsychiatry" doesn't change that either. But that's the pretense behind a lot of this "neuro-talk."

You do sound a bit self-absorbed. You also sound insecure. Those two things are likely very related. The dynamic here may be something other than having narcissistic tendencies. A very good psychiatrist told me he needs about 5 years to figure a person out. "Prior to that," he said, "I'm just making guesses that may be way off." He also said that many psychiatrists will not admit how much of what they do is guessing, a lot of which turns out wrong.

Nowadays, everyone who's mad at anyone is calling them "a narcissist." Similarly, everyone who feels they are being mistreated are saying they are being "gas lighted." "Narcissist" and "gas lighting" are buzz words. Everyone wants to use the latest buzz words. We'ld all do well to stop that. It's a way of pretending we know more than we know. Stick with the words you learned early in life that you really understand, like: selfish, mean, two-faced, honest, nice, dependable, kind, cruel. Leave the "psychobable" to the psychiarists and the folks who want to pretend to be psychiatrists.

Last edited by Rose76; Jun 21, 2019 at 04:29 PM..
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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 05:49 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Ladybugbabe: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of NPD. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/narci...lity-disorder/

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you whether or not you could be diagnosable as being a narcissist. However, just from a lay-person's point of view, I would have to say you don't sound like a narcissist to me. Of course lots of people, especially nowadays it seems, have narcissistic characteristics to their personalities. I believe I do as well. However there is a difference between having some narcissistic personality traits & being a true narcissist.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that discuss the differences between narcissistic personality disorder & narcissism. The first article is by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. The fourth link is to PC's narcissistic personality quiz:

The Difference Between Narcissism & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Normal Narcissism

7 Things You'll Never See a Narcissist Do

Narcissistic Personality Quiz | Psych Central

In addition to the narcissistic personality quiz there are lots of additional quizzes & tests you might take in an effort to better understand your personality. Here's a link to the listing of quizzes & tests that are available:

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 06:00 PM
  #6
When checking out your about me it says you are a survivor of an accident/trauma. Have you talked about this with a therapist? It was important enough for you to mention so it must have importance to you overall. Experiencing a trauma can affect a person's confidence in more ways than they may be aware of.

Also, how old are you? I find that younger individuals tend to get caught up in all this social media of the "all about me generation" and trying to impress and be some kind of special perfect and needing to get a lot of likes to feel good about themselves or have permission to feel good about themselves and have some kind of following. Some individuals work on being some kind of self made star too.
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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 03:49 PM
  #7
Honestly, psychologists need to move away from branding people as narcissists or borderline or as Rose76 said, alcoholics. We are complex beings. In my opinion, all so called personality disorders are not THE problem, but symptom of a problem - like fever (not the illness but is symptom of an illness like infection).

To me, it sounds like you really need validation and approval, rather than any narcissistic tendencies.
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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 05:53 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessgal View Post
Honestly, psychologists need to move away from branding people as narcissists or borderline or as Rose76 said, alcoholics. We are complex beings. In my opinion, all so called personality disorders are not THE problem, but symptom of a problem - like fever (not the illness but is symptom of an illness like infection).

To me, it sounds like you really need validation and approval, rather than any narcissistic tendencies.


Right to the point. I hope the O.P. reads it.
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Default Jul 07, 2019 at 06:52 AM
  #9
I wouldn't say so and I think a lot of people, especially with social media, do what you do but wouldn't admit it.
Narcissis the Greek god was in love with his reflection, but narcissistic disorder would be more than just appearances, it's having an irrational level of entitlement, won't accept blame, self preserving to a level that qualifies as narcissism
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